to choose to be away for DD's birthday

[tinkerbellesmuse]

I have the opportunity to go to Thailand for a long weekend but it falls on DD's birthday so should I go?

[tinkerbellesmuse]

Wow well this is eye opening! Like I said hadn't given it much thought. I guess if I gave her a choice she would say stay for my birthday but in much the same way as her preference would be for ice cream at dinner time.

Despite the judgey comments I received in RL I certainly didn't imagine people believed there was a real risk of her looking back at 10 (really?) and feeling let down. I can't remember my 5th birthday. Can anyone?

Badkitten as said previously I don't live in UK so not total madness. Bit like popping to Eastern Europe I s'pose

Starwhores it's not about "not being bothered" it's about having an opportunity to do something nice for myself after a crappy few months. Wouldn't choose the date but tis the date that I have been offered.

[mazzystartled]

Of course it won't do her any damage if you're not there, there's no way she'll be looking back five years later and saying where were you mummy?

Why not discuss it with her? She might like having an "official" and "unofficial" birthday. And you can always buy her a special present from your trip.

Re the flying thing, well, we have all got to stop thinking its acceptable to just hop on a plane any time we feel like it. I'd have to consider how much more flying I was likely to do in the next few years/whether I would have another opportunity to see my friend. It's a bigger deal than the birthday for me!

[mazzystartled]

oh and twirly. if you go for a month its probably the trip of lifetime/you presumably will contribute to the local economy. for a weekend - it's just a little trip.

[ssd]

I don't remember my 5th birthday either

but if my mum had gone away for the weekend and hadn't spent my birthday with me, I'm sure I would remember it

op, you sound like you've made your mind up, why post here and then get all het up when people don't agree with you?

[moondog]

Good God, go woman.
Your dd neither knows nor cares that you are there for her 'special day'

People who think it is important only do so because they want to prove a ludicrous point to themselves or others.

My dh has never been here for one of my children's birthdays. he also missed the birth of another. He is a wonderful father and husband. I couldn't care less. Oh ,and I've never ever bought a birthday card or a present for my kids.

[ssd]

wierdo

[bigchris]

a five year old would know moondog!!

[moondog]

So what?
Do they care more about a crappy cake from Tesco or having parents that love them?

[ssd]

maybe they don't associate birthdays with crappy cakes from tesco's, but rather with parents who love them enough to want to spend their birthdays with them

[tinkerbellesmuse]

SSD - I am not het up I just took (mild) exception to the statement that I "couldn't be bothered" to be there.

If that was the case I'd have booked the flights and be off without a backwards glance, certainly not posting on here about it.

As I said I was suprised that people (in RL)thought it was that big a deal, afterall most dads I know don't see their little ones on weekday birthdays due to long hours etc.

Clearly I am living and learning....

[Hando]

Moonsdog, do you not buy your kids birthday presents? I agree too much emphasis is put on "this special day" it's the day you were born... so what? We do buy presents though.

Do you buy presents for Christmas?

[defineme]

What would give me pause for thought is how others would view me. Pil would be horrified if I were away for leisure reasons. Then I would remember that mil says 'my grandchildren/children are my life' all the time with pride, but I think her life is dreadfully empty-devoid of hobbies/friends.
You know your dd and her likely reaction, you know the year you've had, you know what a great day she'll have with dh and how thrilled she'll be with the exotic presents you bring her.

Moondog - do you not celebrate birthdays at all - or is it all homemade stuff?

[moondog]

[moondog]

I celebrate birthdays of course I do (and we have two celebrations, one on proper day and one when dh here). I didn't consciously not give presents or cards, it just struck me one birthday that there was a. a sensory overload after a few presents and b. the idea of a party is the most exciting ting, not the presents.

I'm not a lentil weaving misery either.I like nice things and celebrations.

[hercules1]

I cannot see a reason why you cant go. On DD's 6th birthday she'll be at school then childminders till 6pm.

[pigsinmud]

I wouldn't go as I'd want to be with my dd on her birthday. I'd feel far too guilty to actually enjoy the trip.

I can remember my 5th birthday as it was the first time I had a party - my neighbour had a screaming tantrum and had to be passed home through the fence!

It's just down to personal choice - there's no right or wrong.

[rookiemater]

I'd go provided you are planning on having the party when you are there.
Yes I suppose in an ideal world your trip would fall on a different weekend but it didn't so I'm sure you demonstrate your love to your DD in the other 362 days of the year if you go away ?

Incidentally ( in a non judgemental way) how long does it take to go to Thailand and how long will you have when you get there ?

[rookiemater]

OOh realised last post could be misread, clearly I meant it would be best if you have the party when you are in the UK and available not jetting off to glamorous location for girly weekend

[slowreadingprogress]

"People who think it is important only do so because they want to prove a ludicrous point to themselves or others"
moondog that's so rude, why not allow others a different view from you? Do others have to be 'ludicrous' so that your view is valid?

Personally, I would not go on that date because I would rather be with my child on their birthday - purely personal preference, however I wouldn't think it was a bad thing if you did go. Individual family choice thing and I imagine most children would accept the idea without hysteria tbh.

[starwhores]

My dcs have parents that love them and spend time with them, a home made cake, a few gifts.

Why can't people have a special day?

Why should OP have a special weekend?

[kickassangel]

we always do dd's birthday on a different day from the real one. she's at the end of the summer break, when loads of people are away. by waiting for a week, they're all back & want something nice to cheer them up as school starts. i see no prob with going.

some people put diff emphasis on birthdays, doesn't mean you love your daughter more/less

i would make sure to phone though, and bring a present home

[preciouslillywhite]

Can't help thinking if we'd assumed OP were a dad the responses might be a little different...

...my ex went on a golfing stag week in Thailand on ds' 5th birthday.

double

none of our friends turned a hair, but had I said I was off to play golf for the week, there would doubtless've been a few raised eyebrows

[starwhores]

I would think it were just as awful which ever parent was away for pleasure.

[lilysam]

"Why should OP have a special weekend?"

Why the hell not? She said she's had a crap time recently and its a rare chance to get together with a friend from home.

She's not abandoning her child or cancelling her birthday - get over yourselves....I'm sure her dd will have a great celebration with her mum regardless of what actual day it's on. And just cos she fancies a bit of time for her doesn't make her a crap mother.

Rant over

[whelk]

Oh go! It sounds fab! And although not once in a lifetime, surely its a 'not often in a lifetime' chance. Just make sure you do some extra special birthday celebrations on another day and leave Dh and other family to do special stuff on the day itself. Sell it to her as having two birthdays! Everyone is a winner!!