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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to choose to be away for DD's birthday

89 replies

tinkerbellesmuse · 02/10/2009 16:53

I have the opportunity to go to Thailand for a long weekend but it falls on DD's birthday so should I go?

OP posts:

WebDude · 04/10/2009 21:00

If you've had a bad year, and can go for the weekend, then why not! Depends on how long the flights are as to how much the time zone changes will hit you, of course, but if it means seeing a friend you haven't seen for a while then definitely why not!

Sorry, but despite a number of 'guilt trip' type comments, there could be other reasons for you not being there on a birthday (eg in hospital) and while every birthday is 'special' it's certainly not as if you won't be celebrating that birthday (and for pity's sake, a chance to just have a tiny break is surely there deep in most peoples' subconscious, isn't it?)

JohnnieBodenAteMyHamster · 05/10/2009 10:43

MorrisZapp - I can see the argument for having a b'day party at the weekend if your child's b'day is during the week. But if we're asking why their birthdays shouldn't be on convenient days, I'd say the answer is that children are by their very nature not convenient. They have birthdays that don't necessarily fit in with what we want to do. Isn't that part of being a parent? Or maybe we should forget actual birthdays, and just choose a random day that suits us better (this may be popular with people whose children have late-December birthdays).

weblette · 05/10/2009 10:45

Your dd sounds very sorted tink

famishedass · 05/10/2009 11:46

JohnnieBoden - you and I must be in the minority here, obviously. I also believe that birthdays should be celebrated on, well, on the birthday actually.

I have never ever been able to comprehend celebrating a birthday and a day when it wasn't your birthday - my in-laws do this. BIL also celebrates xmas on 23 december coz they all go ski-ing for 10 days on 24th - I look on with bemused astonishment.

OP don't go. I don't say this to be nasty but because, in years to come, I think you'll regret it. Everyone has a crappy few months from time to time it's just part of life.

JohnnieBodenAteMyHamster · 05/10/2009 12:07

Thank you, fanishedass. I am glad I'm not (quite) the only one here!

Of course, people who are worried about their DCs having end-of-August b'days might find it handy to have them a few days later. What a fun time we could all have. I think I am going to change mine by about five years, actually .

JohnnieBodenAteMyHamster · 05/10/2009 12:08

Oops, 'famishedass'!

famishedass · 05/10/2009 12:10

I think I'll change mine to the day after payday, not the day before payday. - how selfish of me to have a birthday the day before payday!!!!!!

Hulababy · 05/10/2009 12:16

I have to say that I would not chose to go away on DD's birthday personally.

However |I have changed DD's birthday once when she was tiny - think she was 2y. I had to work on her actual birthday - was in schools and couldn't change it and had parent's evening that night. She was none the wiser at 2y. We celebrated it with a small tea party at the weekend, but actually celebrated her birthday the day before when me, DH and DD went out for the day together, etc.

We almost always have her party on a different day to her birthday, even now. She is 7y. This is because it is unusual for her birthday to be on a weekend, and also it is normally in the middle of the Easter school holidays. many of her friends seem to go away over Easter. We therefore have her party up to 2 weeks before her actual birthday, and she will celebrate with her friends then.

We then, as a family, will celbrate her birthday on the actual day with a special tea and presents from us, or sometimes a day away.

This works well FOR US.

Hulababy · 05/10/2009 12:18

One of DD's school friends has her birthday on Christmas Day. Although her family celebrate in then, she does not have her party then. She actually has a party for school friends on or around June 25th - her half birthday. This means her friends can actually come and join hewr.

lilysam · 05/10/2009 13:02

Sorry to digress a little from the OP and her question...

but to people who won't 'move' their DCs birthdays, what do you do if their birthday falls during the week, for example...say to DC "sorry no-one is coming to your party cos they're at school, work,live too far away to get here on time etc and there's no point having a party on another day cos its not your birthday then"

MovingOutOfBlighty · 05/10/2009 17:05

I agree Lilysam. Trying to work out how it would be better to celebrate a birthday on dds actual day when Dh and I are at work from 8-5.30 (me 3 days a week) Should I take the day off work? But then, she is at school all day so it is a waste of a day off and would rather save my holiday for when she is on half term and spend the entire day with her. Perhaps if I was a SAHM or had more holiday this would be possible.

It is not that we don't mark the day at all and just ignore it, but how can we have a party in 1 hour!

Personally, each to his own! I'm pretty sure my dd seems no less unhappy that we adjust the day by a couple of days.

Starting to think Jehovahs Witnesses have a point not celebrating them at all with all the guilt around the place.
OP - I say really you must go!!!

lilysam · 05/10/2009 18:11

I am a SAHM 'blighty' but it would be a pretty small party as everyone else (cousins, friends and family) would be busy at school or work

I think birthdays are a really big deal, but you need to be flexible if you want your nearest and dearest to be there with you.

lilysam · 05/10/2009 18:12

OP - i really think you should go too

ssd · 06/10/2009 08:01

blighty, can you get away from wok early and have a small party for a couple of hours after school with a few of your dd's friends?
I've usually done this, most soft play places are really queit at that time and you have a coffee and they run around then all sing happy birthday then home....and a glass of wine!!

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