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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think boys have become the less trendy, or wanted, or something-or-other gender these days....

87 replies

agingoth · 02/10/2009 16:26

I will declare an interest from the start as I have two boys.

I am noticing so much anti-boy stuff both out there (in media etc- stories about underachieving boys) and in day to day talk and chat.

All the threads on here about being disappointed at a scan seem to be about getting 'another boy'. Excuse me for generalising if I am wrong but they do seem more prevalent.

From other mums etc I constantly hear 'oh girls are so much easier/cleverer/more sensible' etc...

The worst was, when expecting ds2, to be COMMISERATED WITH by people saying 'oh you must have REALLY WANTED another girl'...er, no, I wanted another little person actually....

Am I reasonable to be seeing this trend everywhere now? and if so what do we think it means for future male generations?

The less wanted sex (in this country anyway), the 'stupid' sex, the unpretty sex you can't put in 'lovely dresses'....how is this going to pan out for them, poor things?

OP posts:
starwhores · 02/10/2009 16:27

I think it's a backlash to every other nation and UK, in years gone by, under valuing girls. It's a response that is required I guess, and then balance is restored and we can carry on valuing both.

princessmel · 02/10/2009 16:28

I agree. I have had this said to me about this baby and I already have a ds and a dd.

People seemed to pity me almost.

CharCharGabor · 02/10/2009 16:28

I have seen the preference which you speak of, although I don't think it's quite a prevalent as your post suggests. Personally, I am expecting DC2 and have my anomaly scan in a few weeks. I will be happy with another girl or with a boy.

NorkilyChallenged · 02/10/2009 16:29

Um, people said the same to me about having a second GIRL, it's just a stupid thing that people say (assuming you would have wanted one of each).

Original poster
agingoth · 02/10/2009 16:29

good point. I also feel however that there is a general sense in which gender divisions seem to be becoming MORE rigid. And despite the higher valuation given to so called 'women's skills' we do girls no favours either by making them the clever, prettier, superior sex as compared to 'useless' boys...

OP posts:
WhatFreshHellIsThis · 02/10/2009 16:29

I have two boys, and I have to say I haven't noticed any such bias. Admittedly, noone has ever said 'How lovely to have two boys' to me, in fact they generally assume that I have my hands full with them, but I assume that two girls would be just as much hard work?

But I know my sister used to complain that noone in my family understood that boys were a completely different kettle of fish in terms of parenting (she has two, and one girl), as we're almost all girls in the family. Now I have redressed the balance!

overmydeadbody · 02/10/2009 16:30

Really agingoth? I hadn't noticed.

I lurve boys personally. I an't believe people would commiserate you on having another boy

Mind you, I noticed today that is DS's class there are nine boys and 20 girls What's going on there?

Original poster
agingoth · 02/10/2009 16:30

hmm good point NOrkily...but I get a lot of specific commiseration e.g. 'two boys. so NOISY....' etc etc

OP posts:
ConnorTraceptive · 02/10/2009 16:32

I always wanted boys tbh and luckily I got 2. I've had a couple of comments about will you try for a girl, but sometimes I think people are just making conversation so I don't read too much into it.

Sassybeast · 02/10/2009 16:32

Not sure to be honest. I have 3 girls and am endlessly amazed at the number of strangers who see fit to tell me that I'll be 'wanting' a boy next. Er no thanks. I have 3 healthy happy CHILDREN. The possession of a willy or not makes not a jot of difference. I suppose my view is clouded by the fact that there was a time when i thought I wouldn't be able to have ANY kids.

MorrisZapp · 02/10/2009 16:36

It's just a case of 'my kids don't get favoured' though isn't it. I've heard loads of people on here say that as girls or boys, their own kids miss out/ lose out/ get marginalised, but nobody ever says 'wow my kids get better treatment due to their gender'.

Come to think of it, nobody ever says their kids get better treatment due to anything, it's always other people's kids getting favoured for whatever percieved reason.

Original poster
agingoth · 02/10/2009 16:36

ah right... so people with all girls get it too...

how bizarre that people expect us all to want 'one of each'

I did have an acquaintance boast to me about 'how lucky' she was to have 'one of each', I really didn't get what she was on about. For instance, I seem to have one introvert and one extrovert boy, lucky me eh?!

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Original poster
agingoth · 02/10/2009 16:38

MorrisZapp,

Tbh I don't think my own kids actually suffer from it, just saddened that we can't see kids as individuals more.

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overmydeadbody · 02/10/2009 16:38

I always imagined I'd have boys, not sure why, I just never invisaged girls, and I had DS. I doubt I would have felt differently had he been a girl though.

Chickenshavenolips · 02/10/2009 16:40

YANBU. There does seem to be a 'aren't people who have a penis a bit crap' vibe in the media particularly. I have often heard women make 'jokey' disparaging remarks about men (eg what can you expect, he's a man! etc) while their young son is within hearing distance. I loathe it.

BLEEPyouYOUbleepingBLEEP · 02/10/2009 16:40

It seems that all the posters saying they preferred to have boys, are making the same assumptions, but about having girls.

I'm preg, and have a DD, and before I found out I'm having another DD I did wonder whether it mattered to me which sex it was. I think it was because I was worried I wouldn't be able to relate to a boy. It seems stupid, but if you only have one child you do wonder if having a different sex will make any difference to the love you'd feel for that child. I know in my heart it wouldn't have made any difference, but you can't help it crossing your mind.

TheMysticMasseuse · 02/10/2009 16:43

funny, i am a mother of two girls and i keep getting really irritated by all the media hysteria about how everything from education to society makes life really hard for boys and poor little loves isn't their life hard.

next time you're in a supermarket or clothes shop have a look at clothes for 5 year old girls with words like "sexy" or "i'm a cute bunny" across the chest- makeup marketed at preschoolers- high heel shoes in size 8 etc etc (I hope you get what i am saying)

i think we hear and read selectively depending on our own kids. i never think boys are louder or harder work than girls- i can see that some of them have more energy but you really can't generalise. my dd1 can outrun any boy any time [tough cookie emoticon]

Original poster
agingoth · 02/10/2009 16:46

MysticMasseuse, totally with you on the 'sexy' stuff and 'angel' stuff for girls, urggh

boys get sh*te like 'TROUBLE' and 'MONSTER', urggggh

typically ds1 wanted a monster one and wears it all the flippin time...

OP posts:
Prosecco · 02/10/2009 16:47

I don't think there is an anti boy feeling in general, but I can see how you may feel sensitive to some of the comments both in rl and on threads.

In fact, as a teacher and the mother of a son ( and two daughters) I think the stuff about boys underachieving has to be looked at in a very positive light. Schools are doing a lot of work to ensure boys achieve a potential that they may not have achieved previously. They are not writing them off as a 'stupid' sex.

Personally, we have had information from my children's school about how they are supporting boys in particular, and how we can do so at home. In my own school, we have looked at many ways to address this issue, and continue to do so.

In both primary and secondary sectors, very positive measures are being taken to address an issue which should hopefully have an impact on the future of these boys.

ginnny · 02/10/2009 16:47

I'm in the 2 boys camp too and I absolutely love it
I often wonder what it would be like to have a girl, and wonder if I will be as close to my boys when they grow up and marry and have their own dc as I would be to a dd and it does make me when I read the MIL threads on here.
When I had ds2 I can remember being so pleased that ds1 would now have another little boy to play with. They are a lot closer than my brothers and I were as children, which I am sure is because they are both boys and have more in common.
I did have a short 'pang' that I wouldn't have a dd (ds2 is my last one) but it was no more than a fleeting thought.

piscesmoon · 02/10/2009 16:50

I think that people just perceive girls to be easier. A lot of people also like girly dresses and the thought they will go shopping together when they are older and will be 'best friend'. It doesn't bother me as it may not work out that way anyway. I am quite happy with my boys.

Prosecco · 02/10/2009 16:51

Have just read the other comments and I agree with regards to the girls' clothing but I have to say, I do love little boys in tops that say Monster etc.

Vintagepommery · 02/10/2009 16:52

It works both ways. I have 2 daughters - both my mother and MIL have pitied me for this. DHs grandmother hoped they were going to be boys.

A friend of mine has just had her 3rd girl and my mum said 'oh what a shame '.

TheMysticMasseuse · 02/10/2009 16:52

i wonder if i am the only one who is absolutely bloody terrified of replicating my own relationship with my mum with my dds? the best friends image never once popped into my head. i remember going shopping with my mum as one of the most stressful events of my life (and she's agree).

ps i dreamed of having only boys...

Original poster
agingoth · 02/10/2009 16:53

I suppose tbh that I would not be at all bothered if my boys turned out to be rockers who borrow my eyeliner, cross dressers or whatever!! Then there might be different chances to 'go shopping together'...You just don't know what you are going to get do you.

People are people, it just seems so sad that children are so heavily gender-typed. I find it particularly sad that boys cannot be portrayed as easy, pleasant and attractive the way girls so often are.

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