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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think boys have become the less trendy, or wanted, or something-or-other gender these days....

87 replies

agingoth · 02/10/2009 16:26

I will declare an interest from the start as I have two boys.

I am noticing so much anti-boy stuff both out there (in media etc- stories about underachieving boys) and in day to day talk and chat.

All the threads on here about being disappointed at a scan seem to be about getting 'another boy'. Excuse me for generalising if I am wrong but they do seem more prevalent.

From other mums etc I constantly hear 'oh girls are so much easier/cleverer/more sensible' etc...

The worst was, when expecting ds2, to be COMMISERATED WITH by people saying 'oh you must have REALLY WANTED another girl'...er, no, I wanted another little person actually....

Am I reasonable to be seeing this trend everywhere now? and if so what do we think it means for future male generations?

The less wanted sex (in this country anyway), the 'stupid' sex, the unpretty sex you can't put in 'lovely dresses'....how is this going to pan out for them, poor things?

OP posts:
TheMysticMasseuse · 02/10/2009 16:55

agingoth, i agree with you but

I find it particularly sad that girls cannot be portrayed as independent, energetic and fun the way boys so often are.

i hate, but hate, but hate the "little cute princess" thing.

AMumInScotland · 02/10/2009 16:59

I haven't really encountered much anti-boy (or anti-girl) feeling in RL - most people that I've met seem to treat children as individuals and not start making assumptions about what they'll be like just based on gender.

I think most of it is just a media thing - there do seem to be a lot of articles saying "aren't men useless" in some places, which I don't think helps boys to feel very positive about their role in the world.

But then the role models for girls aren't great either, so I giess with either sex it just comes down to us raising dececnt reasonably-self-confident individuals.

Chickenshavenolips · 02/10/2009 17:01

Some fair points raised from the other side (I have two DS's). Perhaps as a PP said, we all just view the gender bias from our own perspective.

engelbart · 02/10/2009 17:03

When I was pregnant for the first time I have to admit to having a preference for a girl, but only because as a new mum I thought it would be easier for me to know how to look after a girl essentially because I was one myself. How naive. I do wonder though if this is why some women are more worried (if that's the right word) about having a boy.

Of course now I'm pregnant again I don't mind whether I have a girl or a boy, I know regardless of gender the baby will still need feeding, changing, burbing and playing with!

StealthPolarBear · 02/10/2009 17:04

I agree with the OP. Girls seem to be favoured in most ways. I have a 2yo DS and a 2week old DD and almost everyone has said "oh how lovely, one of each". I know it's just something to say so I don't get annoyed but they're wrong. I didn't know what she was but wanted a girl and also to have two boys - but was only having one more baby so it had to be one or the other Was a bit insulted by a card from an elderly relative though "Well done for producing a girl child, very proud of you". Like DH had been practicing to get our girl! Made my hackles rise on behalf of my beautiful, loving little boy!

Original poster
agingoth · 02/10/2009 17:05

all true MysticMasseuse, I have noticed this- boys portrayed as builders, sportsmen, drivers, active things. While girls get to sit and be good. Not on.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 02/10/2009 17:06

hmm not sure I agree. "Girl power" = girls can be/do anything they want. Boys seem a bit more limited.

Original poster
agingoth · 02/10/2009 17:08

I think I would have been, MM. my own mother-daughter relationship was not one to be replicated either!!

I kind of expected a girl as am one of 2 girls myself, when I found out ds1 was a boy I was delighted, seemed terribly exotic, hehe

OP posts:
PeachyTentativelyPosting · 02/10/2009 17:08

I get pity as well ahving 4 boys, I know some is they'e all one gender (And?...) but some is definitely for boys- to quote a friend: 'If I was unlucky enough to have a boy i'dpush him back up'

I didn't care what gender I had at any point, I just wanted a baby.

I think female traits (as erceived, they are not reall IYSWIM) are curenlty the most valued-earlyr eading, higyh levelsof communication skills etc- just hope my boys willnot face prejudice as a reault

SolidGoldBrass · 02/10/2009 17:08

When I was much younger, before the long merry years of not actually wanting DC at all, I always thought I would like a DD. However, when I found out I was PG, I knew DS was DS. Even though the scans didn;t give a clear answer one way or the other ('Baby's crossed its legs, dear!') I could never shake the very very clear vision of a little fair-haired boy running across a field of grass.
And I have heard witless bias and stupid generalisations both ways, so I tend to ignore the lot.

Original poster
agingoth · 02/10/2009 17:09

stealth, more in terms of clothing and toys etc- which I think do send out powerful messages.

Agree always easier for girl to be active than for boy to be pretty though- not fair eh.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 02/10/2009 17:10

at the comment about a boy.
That's the other thing, when I tell people I'm stopping at two they assume it's because I've got one of each . When actually we'd decided that a long time ago.

Chickenshavenolips · 02/10/2009 17:11

It does seem, though, that the female stereotype is more fluid IYSWIM. Girls can be girly and sparkly, and astronauts. Boys have a narrower range of 'accepted' behaviour in wider society. I'm not sure I'm getting my point across very well. I blame the flu plus

StealthPolarBear · 02/10/2009 17:13

yes, that's true - the pirates/princesses thing. Boys get to be imaginative and active, girls get to paint their nails and curl their wings.
Urgh, makes me want to go and live on a remote island and only take neutral clothing for both

auntyitaly · 02/10/2009 17:13

I'm tempted to agree with the OP in that I do feel rather sorry for boys in some ways - but, um, then I think, for example:

Millenia of sexism in education - then, when girls and boys are put on a not-even-really equal footing for, er, 20 years, all hell breaks loose in the media the moment girls overtake academically. Which girls now do at all levels, from Reception to Oxbridge Firsts.

And women still get paid a third less at work.

Imisssleeping · 02/10/2009 17:13

I do think people are lucky though who have one of each .
I think it would be lovely to experience both sexes.
I have one ds and am very happy with one but if I were to have another would love to have a dd.

MorrisZapp · 02/10/2009 17:15

The reason I'd like to have a girl is because I am one.

This site is mainly female so there will be many people like me who either have no kids, or who have DDs and who think that boys are 'alien'.

Of course nobody who actually has boys feels that way - it's just a perception thing.

I also think that no matter what people say about your kids, it's easy to take offence. It happens on here all the time. So if somebody says 'oh how marvellous a lovely girl' it is taken to mean 'boys are crap'. Or vice versa.

Somebody else here made this point v intelligently once using liking apples and bananas as an analogy.

StealthPolarBear · 02/10/2009 17:18

Imiss - exactly how I felt!
But DH has a brother and I also wanted to be a mum to two little boys.
Well choice was made for me

Original poster
agingoth · 02/10/2009 17:19

auntyitaly, idle speculation atm on my part but I do wonder if given a decade of female outperformance things will start changing at employment level (thinks not- due to perfect-motherhood stereotypes being unlikely to change )

OP posts:
juicy12 · 02/10/2009 17:21

I think boys do get a much harder time (I have one of each). Girls can be "assertive" but boys displaying similar traits are thought of as "agressive". I've had friends in rl say "I'm going to find out at the scan what I'm having cos I'll need to come to terms with it if it's a boy" or "we were so relieved to have another girl" Just bizarre. One friend's sister has cited the potential horror of having a boy as her reason for not wanting kids - too great a risk

Imisssleeping · 02/10/2009 17:23

I think, but maybe am wrong, that whatever mixture we get, we as mums are always happy?

I confess to wanting a girl, mainly because I had always been a nanny to girls so boys were a bit of a puzzle.

I have one ds and am incredibly happy.
I won't be having anymore, don't feel I'm missing something, but like I said would have loved one of each if i had two.
I always look at moms with one of each and think they are very lucky.
I know alot of people with 2 girls or boys and when trying for their third wanted the opp sex but wouldn't admit it to many people.

TheMysticMasseuse · 02/10/2009 17:25

1000% agree with you AuntieItaly!

PeachyTentativelyPosting · 02/10/2009 17:48

'Millenia of sexism in education - then, when girls and boys are put on a not-even-really equal footing for, er, 20 years, all hell breaks loose in the media the moment girls overtake academically. Which girls now do at all levels, from Reception to Oxbridge Firsts.

And women still get paid a third less at work.

well yes I see your point

BUt the thing is, my boys are all under all ten- they can't really be held to blame for the history of oppresion in gender- bt they still hear teachers complaining there are too many boys in their class

I do think schools are the biggest culprit alongside clothing- schools fir female-stereotype roles;clothes bear slogans like precious for the girls or monster man for boys. It's not universal- shocked at 3 year old in wannabe wag tshirt this summer- but it doesn't take much os alook around in Asda to see what poor stereotypes we offer our male offspring. Not that princess is great either, but at least it'snot halfway to borstal!

colditz · 02/10/2009 18:00

I think there is a tendency amongst the cheaper clothes manufacturers to assume that the poeple buying their clothes don't like their own children very much

hence the pink sparkley too-tight cropped "Pay me! I'm a whore!" type of girl's clothes, and the grey, ripped "I'm camoflage because I'm waiting to kick your fucking head in" type of boys clothes.

I think boys get a rough deal until they are men. Until people start breeding, girls have it good. They are seen as diligent, clever, articulate and trustworthy. Boys are deemed to be boisterous, violent and stupid, one step up the evolutionary scale from Labradors.

fast forward 20 years, and men are deemed to be rational, dedicated team players, fit to run the world. Women are deemed to be hormonal hysterical baby bags, fit to have a little job in a cake shop.

Where, along the line, is the attitude changing? IS it when they get bigger than us? I rather sadly conclude that it is.

Chickenshavenolips · 02/10/2009 18:14

I really don't buy into the notion that the majority of men like to put down women. It has never been my experience, and I intend to bring my sons up to be decent human beings. However, I am concerned that there are women who feel that way, and are raising sons. Do those boys grow up to think that they are responsible for all female repression?