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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think boys have become the less trendy, or wanted, or something-or-other gender these days....

87 replies

agingoth · 02/10/2009 16:26

I will declare an interest from the start as I have two boys.

I am noticing so much anti-boy stuff both out there (in media etc- stories about underachieving boys) and in day to day talk and chat.

All the threads on here about being disappointed at a scan seem to be about getting 'another boy'. Excuse me for generalising if I am wrong but they do seem more prevalent.

From other mums etc I constantly hear 'oh girls are so much easier/cleverer/more sensible' etc...

The worst was, when expecting ds2, to be COMMISERATED WITH by people saying 'oh you must have REALLY WANTED another girl'...er, no, I wanted another little person actually....

Am I reasonable to be seeing this trend everywhere now? and if so what do we think it means for future male generations?

The less wanted sex (in this country anyway), the 'stupid' sex, the unpretty sex you can't put in 'lovely dresses'....how is this going to pan out for them, poor things?

OP posts:
Firawla · 02/10/2009 18:20

OP i know what you mean i have noticed some of this attitude nowadays in the UK. people get more excited for girls, and more in favour of girls. obv not everyone, and can be subtle but this preference does seem to be quite commonly seen

PeachyTentativelyPosting · 02/10/2009 18:34

chickenhavenolips that's interesting, I don't think it is widespread but I certainly know of a case yes, where Mum is punishing son for Dad leaving- lots of comments about 'all men...' etc; Nan ahs hauled her up but she cannot see it.

I like men; the men I know are no more flawed than the women I know.

OrmIrian · 02/10/2009 18:40

Bloody annoying! My boys are wonderful. As is my girl.

I wish people would stop being so wanky about all this gender stuff.

nzshar · 02/10/2009 18:42

I had a conversation with a few friends (all mothers of girls and boys) of mine the other day. The conversation turned to having children, one mum said "ofcourse every woman longs for a girl" everyone nodded their head apart from me. I have a 15yo dss and a 5yo ds and we are not having any more. My dp did say that he would have liked to have a girl when I was pg but I have always only wanted a boy. Maybe that is because I am not and have never been a girly girl. But I do think that a lot of women perpetuate the whole you have to have a girl or you are missing out thing.

OrmIrian · 02/10/2009 18:43

But auntyitally - how does valuing boy children less make up for sexism? Perhaps boys who feel undervalued are more likely to end up aggressive and inadequate as adults.

Chickenshavenolips · 02/10/2009 18:45

Good point OrmIrian.

jellybeans · 02/10/2009 18:58

I only notice it from mums of one or more boys. Nearly all my friends who had a boy first were desperate for a girl with their next one/ones. I found it quite hard listening to them being'desperate' (their words) when I had lost several babies. The only people I knew desperate for boys were men. I guess if this post was on dadsnet it would could be more likely to be the other way round?

I have DDs and DSs and have not really noticed anything said to me but when I had 2 DDs people often assumed DH was desperate for a boy. However, friends with 2 boys were usually comiserated on their 2nd boys.

When I had DC5 the midwife loudly congratulated a couple opposite me on their 'perfect family' and said 'how clever, well done' as they had just had a boy and had an older girl already. I felt abit sorry for the lady next to me who had her 2nd boy and noone said anything to her like that.

It's a shame really, I am always reading posts on here about people sad about having 'another boy', gender soon seems irrelevant when you have a m/c or stillbirth.

piscesmoon · 02/10/2009 19:06

I can't imagine 'being desperate' for any gender. If I could have chosen beforehand, then I would have liked a girl but I am just pleased and extremely grateful to have 3 healthy boys. I wouldn't want DS3 to think I was disappointed. I think it is wonderful that it is one are of life where we get what we are given instead of what we think we want.

Pyrocanthus · 02/10/2009 19:18

FWIW, as a mum of two girls, I've got bored with 'girls are lovely when they're little, but when they hit their teens...' I think I'm supposed to fill the ellipsis with an image of my moody, hormonal, probably pregnant daughter replacing my pastel princess for myself. I find it bloody insulting (the pastel princess as much as the stroppy teen). People talk a lot of twaddle on either side.

All children need to be adored, and taught to pick up after themselves.

wasabipeanut · 02/10/2009 19:23

I agree 100% with the OP. I think there is a lot of anti boy messaging out there particularly within the education system. It really pisses me off actually. There is a stereotype of intelligent, attentive girls and thicko, disruptive boys becoming entrenched which does nobody any favours.

I am expecting my second and DS has just gone 2. Quite a few friends and family members have assumed we are hoping for a girl. My MIL actually said to me "now you won't be too disappointed if it isn't a girl will you?" Er, no I haven't expressed a preference for a the very good reason that I don't have one.

This pregnancy took a long time coming and I lost one along the way. As someone else posted - I just want another little person. DH agrees heartily.

Alarielle · 02/10/2009 21:46

I have to agree with boys been seeing less than girls. I can't believe the amount of people who have said to me'he is so cute/beautiful/gorgeous, a shame he isn't a girl!' or the second most common comment 'he's beautiful, but you can't call boys' beautiful can you?' Because we all know all male babies are ugly and all girl babies are beautiful

Girls don't have an easy time though, they are meant to sit still and look pretty and I must admit when I saw the pink globe from ELC I was angry and sad. As if it was implying girls will only take an interest in the world if they can look at pink fucking continents. I surprised they didn't draw twinkling fairies sprinkling pretty dust over fucking Africa.

jaxxyj · 02/10/2009 21:47

I have boy and girl twins and people often say to me - "Are they identical?" (impossible if you think about it) which is then followed by "oh well, that wouldve been nice" You cant win I think!
IMO my two are different but not sure whether it is down to gender or not just that they are their own people.

wasabipeanut · 02/10/2009 21:53
lovechoc · 02/10/2009 21:53

I suppose this topic depends on where you live in the world. In China it's the opposite way around. Girls are seen as worthless, but boys are seen as being the superior gender. If you give birth to a boy, all your wishes have been fulfilled so to speak. Very interesting how it changes from various parts of the world.

Personally I'm just happy to have a healthy child (who happens to be a boy!).

mrsruffallo · 02/10/2009 21:54

You have to let them relish being boys, and yes, in most cases that includes wrestling, chasing each other being a superhero and testing out their physical strength by climbing etc. I think that all boy time is just important for my boys as it is for my girls.
Because a lot of it is quite un pc it is seen as something to be ashamed of, whereas I see the beauty in them reveling in their masculinity.

beaniesinthebucketagain · 02/10/2009 21:56

''From other mums etc I constantly hear 'oh girls are so much easier/cleverer/more sensible' etc...''

Faints

I adore my ds 2 and dd 10mnths but by god my ds is a poppet such a dream, he has literally NEVER been tricky to get to sleep eat behave and so on he does have slow speech but id rather that than the small demon that appears in dds eyes lol, she is the ultimate madam, she will never sleep changes her mind about food by the day Boys are by far the easiest IMO!

YANBU, i hated the sonographer for saying, oh its a boy, then are you planning more

pointydoug · 02/10/2009 21:56

YAB completely U.

Silly people make silly comments for or against boys and girls.

hugmeandcatchthelurgi · 02/10/2009 21:58

I have girls and all i hear is "are you trying for a boy?" or "what a shame 2 girls"

I love having girls but OH is desperate for a boy..

FleeBee · 02/10/2009 22:00

I have 2 DDs and when DD2 was born a friend of DH's said to him, just think when you're picking daisies with your girls, I'll be playing football with my boys. But girls can play football right???

sprogger · 02/10/2009 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

l39 · 03/10/2009 07:27

I don't see a general preference for girls. We live in a small town, loads of people we barely know are aware we have 4 daughters and feel free to ask about the sex of the new one (due in 2 weeks). Not a single person has said 'Fantastic, five daughters!' when we answer. Mostly they say 'Never mind' or 'You'll be going for 6, then?'
(We won't!)

traceybath · 03/10/2009 07:47

I have 2 boys and now a baby girl who was a total surprise.

People's reactions have been amusing though as they all assume that I'd been desperately trying for a girl.

With DS2 we'd been ttc for quite a while so I was delighted to have any baby and he's a total delight - incredibly easy going etc.

I do think that we are to blame to some extent for this desire for girls. As a mother of boys I read all the mil threads with despair and do worry how I will ever have a good relationship with my sons and their families when they are older.

I've read on here many times that if you are the paternal grandmother you are the 'second granny' and that husbands should practically abandon their mothers in favour of their wifes.

I'm sure there are awful mils out there but not all dils are perfect.

Anyway slightly off point but I do think thats a big reason why women sometimes prefer to have daughters.

ssd · 03/10/2009 08:05

agree with op

piscesmoon · 03/10/2009 08:12

I agree traceybath-I read the MIL threads with despair, but in RL I think it is perfectly possible to have a good relationship. I also think that all those women who think they will have a 'best friend' to go shopping with will be disappointed. Some will, some won't.
You may get the gender that you want, but it doesn't follow that you get the personality you want!
Anyone with 5 daughters must get people assuming they want a DS-it is the way people think. I bet no one said with number 1 and 2 that you must be disappointed not to have a boy.

TheFoosa · 03/10/2009 08:20

I don't know about the op, but in my family it is all girls and believe me, they are FAR from easy, quiet, placid little things

my dd likes fairies and stuff, but she also loves messing about and being loud and getting mucky and playing football and climbing trees too

it hasn't got to be one of the other