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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DD to report dope brought into school?

166 replies

valhala · 30/09/2009 22:50

DD1 (14) told me tonight that a girl in her year brought "£5 worth of pot into school today". We have had serious words as she doesn't want to inform the school of this, saying it's not her business, not her problem, she doesn't want to tell tales on the girl and that the pot belongs to the girl's brother anyway (who is not a pupil but at a college) so its not an issue.

I think it IS an issue. Sure, it happens everywhere, from Eton to the worst comps, but if no-one takes a stand we have only ourselves to blame when drug abuse escalates amongst our youngsters, both in and out of school. I have explained, not for the first time in her life, that small-time drug abuse/thinking its cool can lead to far greater problems and although its not necessarily a case of "Dope today, heroin tomorrow", it can be.

I'm also disappointed in DD as I have brought her up to know that drugs are dangerous, often giving the example of a relative who is a very violent, unpleasant addict with a long criminal record as a result, and I expect a better sense of responsibility from DD than this. I'm tempted here to say a social conscience, but don't want to sound too up myself!

AIBU?

OP posts:
cornsilk · 30/09/2009 23:10

I would feel obliged to report it as a child is at risk.

BitOfFun · 30/09/2009 23:10

I think the phrase "pick your battles" is apt here. You have a dd who is open with you, and presumably sensible enough not to take drugs, and a sibling who is being bullied, if I understand you correctly? Personally, I would not be asking her to stick her head above the parapet with her peers and create problems being trusted in her group of friends.

cornsilk · 30/09/2009 23:10

However if dd doesn't know who the child actually is then that makes it more tricky.

PeachesMcLean · 30/09/2009 23:12

Valhalla, can you discuss that with her? Rather than dictate an answer to her? You're right of course, it should be reported, but you need to be working with her on this one.

jemart · 30/09/2009 23:14

What is it with MN and reporting stuff?

YABU - I can still remember what being 14 was like and reporting this sort of thing is a thankless task that is liable to earn you a kicking.
As others have already mentioned, your dd has told YOU and it is now upto you to take the matter further.

Squishabelle · 30/09/2009 23:16

Alwayslooking - the girl had £5 worth of dope which belonged to her brother. There was no suggestion in the op that she was selling it at school.

colditz · 30/09/2009 23:16

Well, it's teaching the art of diplomacy for a start, although it seems by not knowing the name of the girl with the dope, she's already quite well learned....

thesecondcoming · 30/09/2009 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alwayslookingforanswers · 30/09/2009 23:19

where did I say she was selling it at school?

But I'm not sure I would be too quick to belieev a 14yr old girl carrying dope in school that it belongs to her brother.......so why did she have it???

alwayslookingforanswers · 30/09/2009 23:20

"ut's a bit of dope.hardly the end of the world-don't do anything "

You know those side effects we get told of, the paranoia, the hallucinations, etc etc - they really do happen - and they can have bloody nasty consequences - it's not "just a bit of dope" it's a potentially dangerous illegal substance

Original poster
valhala · 30/09/2009 23:27

I guess I am concerned as despite my stance on drugs (though ok, I was a teenager once and did have the odd joint in my late teens, it did nothing for me and I thus always preferred alcohol/pure adrenaline and fun as a high), DDs best pal is from a family where it is very acceptable to smoke dope. I love the family to bits, mum is my pal too, but their attitude to dope is beyond liberal -ie that DDs 14 yo pal can try it with mum if she wants to, its smoked around the DC in their home by visiting adults, some of whom are slaves to it.

I suppose I'm worried that by condoning turning a blind eye I too am saying that its ok, which I feel is a risky thing to do with a child of DDs age. That said, DD is not allowed to do as she pleases and we have good open lines of communication usually which makes me as sure as a mum can be that she does not and would not (at least not at 14) touch the stuff.

Oh, I dunno....

OP posts:
alwayslookingforanswers · 30/09/2009 23:29

I too smoked dope as a teenager in my late teens. Until recently I was fairly liberal about it all.

Then my DH had a dope induced psychotic episode and nearly killed me. Turns out he's been smoking the stuff on a regular(ish) basis and it fucked with his head, nearly tore my family apart and has radically changed my opinions on it.

Squishabelle · 30/09/2009 23:29

Alwayslooking I read your post @ 23.08.18 "£5 worth today, another £5 two days later" and thought you meant the girl would probably be bringing more and more into school. I thought you meant bringing in a constant supply and selling it. Sorry.

janess404 · 30/09/2009 23:30

Do it and she will never tell you anything in confidence again

Original poster
valhala · 30/09/2009 23:32

Always, I agree its "not just a bit of dope".

It was "a bit of dope" which my relative took at 13... then "a bit of coke, a bit of smack, a bit of heroin". As I said, he is now an addict, having spent more of his adult life in jail than out, either for drug related offences or violence brought about by his addiction. Thats on top of him attacking his own father, stealing from his parents bank account and his little brothers piggy bank savings and smashing the family home up.

Dope today, and what tomorrow????

OP posts:
alwayslookingforanswers · 30/09/2009 23:34

IME (very recent) experience it doesn't even have to lead onto any other drugs to have potentially devastating effects.

I wouldn't wish the last 2 weeks of my life on anyone, not even my worst enemy

BitOfFun · 30/09/2009 23:37

You can't look after the whole school though, just your family.

wannaBe · 30/09/2009 23:37

"ut's a bit of dope.hardly the end of the world-don't do anything "

And it's illegal. And she would have got it from... where? Maybe her brother, who got it from... a drug dealer? Who got it from a supplier and so the £5 of dope at the bottom of the chain is a product of the serious money and violence and intimidation and murder that is the drugs trade.

The £5 of dope may be harmless, but what it represents is unthinkable.

Original poster
valhala · 30/09/2009 23:37

Just as an aside, I'm wondering whether those who think its "just a bit of dope" are adult users of it and thus coming from a different angle to me. I'm not accusing those with that view of being pot-smokers and don't mean to be judgemental or to make insinuations, I am just curious as to whether their own lifestyles are influencing their opinions on this question.

Of course those who think its just a bit of dope are under no obligation to answer me and have every right to tell me to mind my own!

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 30/09/2009 23:43

I haven't touched the stuff in years and years- but teenagers do dabble, and generally turn out ok. If it was your daughter's, then ok, do what you have to, but you can't fix the world, and you might be making life a lot harder for your dd if you try to make her fix it.

3littlefrogs · 30/09/2009 23:43

I have noticed that a number of people on MN think that cannabis is fine and harmless.

It is a view, but I guess it depends how many young kids' lives you have seen destroyed by it.

colditz · 30/09/2009 23:45

Nope, I don't use it, it doesn't suit me and never has. I've seen a few lives ruined by it.

But I've also seen lives ruined by alcohol, and that doesn't stop me drinking a bottle of Blossom Hill on a Friday.

alwayslookingforanswers · 30/09/2009 23:46

I tell you what - I used to (up until very very recently) that teenagers will dabble, but now, well now as soon as my DS's are of an age where they could be encountering the stuff I'm going to sit them down and make damn sure they know what can and does happen to some people that "dabble" in it. DS3 is too young for me to remind him of this period in our lives, but DS1 and 2 will remember this and once they're older I'm going to make damn sure they know what caused it to have.

it was "just a bit of dope"

Monty100 · 30/09/2009 23:49

YA absolutely NBU.

Try and get it stopped.

Perpertual use of dope affects some people long term imho.

wannaBe · 30/09/2009 23:50

imo the difference between drugs and alcohol though is that you can buy alcohol at the local shop. And while it is illegal for fourteen year olds to be buying it there are people who can buy it legally.

It is not legal to buy dope in this country.

And the kinds of people who sell drugs are not nice people, or they report to not nice people.

And drug money goes to fund all manner of other crime - and all manner of other crimes are represented in the drugs trade.