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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say my daughter can't shave her legs?

311 replies

Iwillpopthekettleon · 29/09/2009 20:30

My DD1 is fed up with her "hairy legs" to be honest I don't think they are that bad, but then what do I know?! She is 12 and certainly things are happening and her body is changing, but doesn't 12 seem awfully young to be starting down that road?

I know she could use that stinky cream stuff and she doesn't have to slice her legs to ribbons like I remember doing ( and always when I was just about to go out!) but she seems so young.

I am not ready for this yet!! Has anyone else had this come up ?!! Help!!

OP posts:
BonsoirAnna · 30/09/2009 09:07

Body hair removal isn't about conforming to other people's expectations, it's about making yourself feel attractive. Not a feminist issue at all!

mrsjammi · 30/09/2009 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BonsoirAnna · 30/09/2009 09:49

Why wouldn't a mother help her daughter to learn about hair removal? Why isn't this a skill like any other that is more efficiently passed from generation to generation rather than letting the next generation muddle through with no information or skills transfer?

MintyCane · 30/09/2009 09:51

YABU but take her to have them waxed the girls at school will be mean otherwise.

Firawla · 30/09/2009 09:57

yabvu u should let her

simplesusan · 30/09/2009 09:59

YaBU
At 12 I took my dd to have her legs waxed.
I explained that it would hurt. She did it and said afterwards that she was pleased she had had it done.
Occasionally she asks if she can shave her legs and I tell her that it is fine but prefer to take her to have them waxed.

I was worried like you but worrying does not make the problem disappear.

troutpout · 30/09/2009 10:00

150 mumsnetters cannot be wrong

mustrunmore · 30/09/2009 10:03

At 12 I asked my Mum if I could use her ladyshave. She said no. So I had to carry on shaving them in secret! OMG imagine being 12 with hairy legs; she's going to get teased so much

troutpout · 30/09/2009 10:04

It's a shame she feels she has to and that she will have people taking the mick if she doesn't.
But yes yabu to not let her...you aren't there to take the flack for her...let her deal with it her way
I would suggest an electric shaver. She can do it herself then

FimboFortunaFeet · 30/09/2009 10:04

Dear god I feel so crap now, my dd (11) asked me if she could shave her legs in the summer hols (they are quite dark) and I said no. She also has quite hairy arms (what do you do with them, as I don't) also she almost has a monobrow and wanted them waxed, I said no to that too.

I guess it is time to bite the bullet. Would you let them have eyebrows and arms done too?

BonsoirAnna · 30/09/2009 10:05

She can have her arm hair bleached. Brows need to be plucked/waxed by a professional.

choosyfloosy · 30/09/2009 10:09

Anna, if I need to remove hair to feel attractive then that is a feminist issue - not necessarily that I shouldn't do it, but it is a confirmation that what is naturally me as a female and what is me as a feminine construct are two different things? I could then argue that it's actually fine that they are different, but I would say that it is an argument, not an absolute truth.

OP I do think YABU but also at all this hair-related bullying and also at your relationship with your DD. I would have died at the stake rather than ask my mother about this - the idea that she might actually have taught me a bit about how to take care of hair removal is a new idea. It would have been nice - I didn't have any idea that you could do anything other than dry shave (with the same razor for a year at a time) until I was at university. And until I was 18 I actually thought the 'bikini line' meant your chest - I had quite a hairy chest (relatively) and a bikini top goes up there, so it made logical sense to me! Can't say I did shave my chest though.

Am a bit about all this waxing, it's so expensive and so painful - gave it up years ago. Also you have to leave the hairs to stubble away for a while before you can have them redone - you can shave every day if you want/need to.

FimboFortunaFeet · 30/09/2009 10:10

I did ask in the place where I get my brows waxed and they said dd was too young.

I will tell her she can shave her legs, thanks ladies (and dads) she will be delighted.

pasturesnew · 30/09/2009 10:10

Not read it all but another YABU from here, show her how to do it safely whether razor or Veet or sugaring (Bodyshop have a nice one, think this is gentler isn't it) or waxing or whatever. Also would let a girl bleach arms, remove underarm hair, and have eyebrows done - maybe better to thread or tweezer rather than wax if sensitive skin.

PuppyMonkey · 30/09/2009 10:10

My 12 year old has been doing nicely with that what's it called stuff??? Used to be Immac. She can do it herself and it keeps her quiet about it. She also put some of the gradual fake tan on them this year. So sue me!!

She is interested in using my epilator, but I don't think she's quite ready for that kind of horror yet.

BonsoirAnna · 30/09/2009 10:17

You are wildly overstating things, choosyfloosy! Removing hair is no different from all the other zillion things that people (women and men) do to feel more attractive - washing, cleaning teeth, wearing clothes, being polite...

Morloth · 30/09/2009 10:23

Fimbo I would get her an electric shaver that has multiple settings. As I said I don't do my legs anymore, but I have one that has a setting for legs and armpits and run that over the pits every week or so.

What about threading for eyebrows? I don't do that either (am quite blonde) but a friend gets it done and she really prefers it.

I get that this is a feminist issue and I don't think women should feel that they have to remove body hair but I don't think it is fair to have a 12 yo have the burden of a statement she does not want to make. Hair grows back, if she changes her mind later (as I did) then no harm done at all.

choosyfloosy · 30/09/2009 10:25

Anna, I don't think this is the most important issue in the world, but in the list of attraction factors you give, I do all of them, so does dh, but the only hair remover in this household is me. Dh does not feel he has to remove his hair to feel attractive, I do. That's what makes this a feminist issue.

Having said that, I know some men do now feel they have to remove hair to be attractive, now that a new market has been identified. So maybe it's more of a general economic issue than feminist. for all the lovely cuddly hairy backs I have known.

BonsoirAnna · 30/09/2009 10:26

Well in our household both men and women remove hair! Not a feminist issue at all!

Bleh · 30/09/2009 10:27

If I had a daughter, I would let her (I say this now, in future my response may be different) ... partly because I know how awful preteen and teenage girls and boys can be. I remember (and I still feel mortified that I did this) asking my best friend when we were about 13, in front of a whole bunch of people "why don't you shave your legs yet?". Terrible. I think I started shaving without asking permission, and spent many years with shredded ankles.

colditz · 30/09/2009 10:29

the majority of men shave their faces - the majority opf men who work with women and the general public do this daily - the same cannot be said for men who work solely with other men. So they DO remove hair in order to feel socially acceptable and attracive.

Excess body hair puts people OFF. It's animal, and smelly, and unpleasant. Now, if YOU are prepared to have people put off because you don't wish to shave, that's your lookout, but it's wrong to inflict that on your kids.

PS - most 5 year old girls can't brush their own hair properly. Does that mean they are too young to have their hair brushed?

choosyfloosy · 30/09/2009 10:31

ah - i'm perhaps influenced by my bearded dh here

mumeeee · 30/09/2009 10:36

YABU. Havibg hairy legs at the age of 12 can be very embarresing. Let her shave them or use sone hair removal cream.

belgo · 30/09/2009 10:43

Leg shaving is ALL about conforming. Conforming to the normal expectations of what is acceptable. I know I have shaved my legs for the last 20 years to conform to other people's expectations, and now I've decided that I don't care anymore and I've stopped. I'd rather have legs that feel comfortable with healthy skin. It's taken 20 years though to feel brave enough in my own body though.

Original poster
Iwillpopthekettleon · 30/09/2009 11:09

Just bought a venus thingy for DD1 and will just run her through how best to use it, I think. I expect she will get fed up with doing it, and as she has a very strict uniform with bullet proof black tights she may not be bothered until she gets her legs out again next summer

At the moment I feel with her it is more in the saying she is doing it, and conforming in that way than actually wanting to get rid of what little fluff she has. It is certainly not for the boys yet. That will see a whole lot more help posts from me!!

FimboFortunaFeet - what age did they say they would wax your DD ? Just am curious !

Thanks everyone for such a lot of feedback!!

OP posts: