Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think at an event where lots of people have lost relatives to cancer you mourn the loss of your dog??

154 replies

girlsyearapart · 28/09/2009 05:53

Hi I did a 10k run yesterday for Cancer Research.
People are given a sign to put on their back to write who they are running in memory of.
Many heartbreaking messages about lost Mothers/Fathers/Children/Sisters etc. Lots of people had birth and death dates showing very short lives lost to cancer.
Anyway just about to start the race and look at woman on front of me who had a photo of her dog on her back with its name..
Well I'm a major dog lover but isn't this totally insensitive to others there who had lost relatives??
Only part of me thinking that I'm BU is that the woman was raising money which would go to actual people with cancer.
So what do you lot think?

OP posts:
CarmenSanDiego · 28/09/2009 05:59

YAB a bit U but I see where you're coming from.

Dogs can get cancer and perhaps she hasn't been close to a human who has died of cancer and perhaps she was very close to her dog. I imagine people all have their own personal reasons for running and their lives have been affected in different ways.

It's not quite the same thing, but it's not really fair to compare grief. If her dog died of cancer and she wants to remember it, then surely that doesn't really impact on or underplay your grief or remembrance?

CarmenSanDiego · 28/09/2009 05:59

Well done on the run, btw

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 28/09/2009 06:39

My aunt would have run for her cat if she had ever done anything like that. Her cat was her baby substitute and died of cancer, it was incredibly hard for her as she herself had recovered from very aggressive breast cancer a few years before and her worst fear was the thought of it coming back, so seeing her catbaby die of it was very traumatic. She also had (occasionally) a lack of social skills and wouldn't have realised that wasn't quite right.
YANBU, but it's always well to consider there may be more to it (though in this case, there probably isn't!)

diddl · 28/09/2009 06:43

It does seem a bit "odd".

On the other hand, how selfless of her to raise money for people even if she hasn´t lost a person to cancer.

Original poster
girlsyearapart · 28/09/2009 07:01

I haven't personally lost anyone very close to cancer though our family as a whole has been affected by it.
Totally not undermining her feelings for her dog- I'll be a mess when my dog goes.
Just thought it was a bit off for other people there who had photos of their sisters/parents etc.
Sort of like comparing her dog to their loved one iyswim?

OP posts:
LoveBeingAMummy · 28/09/2009 07:05

Some people are more than dog lovers, thei dog IS a member of their family and they feel the same as if it had been another member of the family. Cancer has effected my family. This doesn't make me think the woman is bonkers or whatever. And no I do not have a dog

Original poster
girlsyearapart · 28/09/2009 07:09

Oh yes the dog is a member of our family.
Am one of those sad lunatics who signs his names on cards.
Though I do realise that he is not in fact a person and that other people do not see it the same way!

OP posts:
babybarrister · 28/09/2009 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2shoes · 28/09/2009 08:26

yabu
my mum and dad both died of cancer, but they loved dogs as well, so it would not offend me.
at the end of the day they were doing something good

SouthMum · 28/09/2009 09:07

YABU - maybe she didn't know any human who has passed away to cancer but still wanted to do the race in honour of someone?

Or she just loved her dog so much.

Yes YABU

MissM · 28/09/2009 09:12

YANBU. This was a run for a charity that helps find cures for cancer in people, not animals. I know people love their animals (cats for me personally), but having lost my brother to cancer I would have felt quite offended by seeing a picture of a dog. I've done runs for Cancer Research in the past before I was personally affected by it, and have just run with no name on my back. No reason why she couldn't have done the same and remembered her dog in her head.

Original poster
girlsyearapart · 28/09/2009 18:20

missM- sorry about your brother.

You seem to feel the same way as I do.

Can completely get the animal lover thing but thought it was insensitive of her.

Although she must be a good enough person to have run to start with..

OP posts:
thesunshinesbrightly · 28/09/2009 18:23

odd to others maybe but not to her, to her she loved her dog and she/he died of cancer
to others relatives have died of cancer and they loved them, it's heartbreaking either way.

Itsjustafleshwound · 28/09/2009 18:34

YABU - competitive mourning ??

It was for charity and she chose (and it wouldn't be my choice) to remember her dog ...

pointydoug · 28/09/2009 18:44

yabu.

Think on.

Northernlurker · 28/09/2009 19:01

My sister lost her dog this year and it was a terrible bereavement for her because that dog was her child. My neighbour also lost her dog and was shattered by it. Neither of these women have children and this loss is a huge thing in their lives. I think you're being really sniffy about this actually.

There isn't a competitive index of grief. You don't grieve more for x relative then y relative. If she was running for her dog that does not diminish anybody else who was running for a human being. Who are we to decide that the thing she is feeling sad over isn't sad enough?

MaMight · 28/09/2009 19:07

YABU.

What next? "I ran for my dear mother, but some insensitive woman only had the name of her neighbour on her back! And not even a next door neighbour - it was three doors away!"

JackBauer · 28/09/2009 19:11

yabu. I had a blank back when I did my run as I haven't been closely affected by cancer although members of my family have. I didn't feel the need to write anything but this woman obviously did. It doesn't take away from the fact that she did run and raise money and awareness though.

bodeniites · 28/09/2009 19:18

i hve lost my Dad one of my Brothers, Fil,Mil numerous Aunties and Uncles to cancer and it would not bother me at all maybe she loved the dog love is love IMO

vickiadele · 28/09/2009 19:36

some ppl are closer to animals then ppl, at least she was trying to help ppl in the end, bit insensitive tho

Original poster
girlsyearapart · 28/09/2009 19:51

As I said previously I 100% get the grief for an animal I will be an utter mess when my dog goes.

I posted on here to see if people who have lost close friends/relatives to cancer felt that that would have offended them.

If you read the OP I did also say it was good of her to be running in the first place and raising money.

I just cringed when I saw it thinking it would upset others whose feelings must;ve been very raw yesterday.

OP posts:
chegirl · 28/09/2009 20:24

I am not sure how I feel about this. It does seem a bit risky on her part. There were bound to be people there that would have found her message offensive.

I probably wouldve thought 'bit off' but not much more. 3 years ago I may have felt very differently though.

It does remind me of something that upset me a while ago so scuse the hijack.

I went to buy a sympathy card for a friend who had lost her son. I was pleased that there was a nice, personalised selection. Not too long ago you couldnt find any about children. I was looking at them ... 'our condolences on the loss of your son, so sorry to hear about the loss of you daughter, our thoughts are with you after the sad loss of your baby... then... so sorry about the loss of your pet' Right in the same section.

I found this v.insensitive on the part of the shop. Horrible. Nothing wrong with the cards but surely they should placed at a decent distance from the child bereavement cards?

I love my animals and am very sad when they die. I also know that some people do not have children or much family and their dogs/cats are incredibly important to them. But its really not in the same catagory as losing a child and the placement of these cards seemed to suggest that.

I have been known to send a note or card when a friend has lost a much loved pet so I am not against them. But they are a marketing, money making ploy and the shop should have shown more understanding IMO.

KormaNotReallyHereChameleon · 28/09/2009 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 28/09/2009 20:31

I wouldn't have been offended even though I've lost relatives to cancer. i'd just be glad that she's helping to raise money.

Georgimama · 28/09/2009 20:32

chegirl, you can get cards for everything now, absolutely everything. Some of the things you can get cards for I wouldn't dream of bothering to send a card for, but it hardly offends that there are cards in physical proximity to cards for more "worthy" issues - should I be "offended" that you can get a card to say Happy Birthday to My Boyfriend when I am married and have a much more significant relationship? Of course not - it doesn't affect my feelings one jot.

I don't think it is actually for anyone to say how much someone "should" feel about a loss that you might consider less important than another if you were in that situation.

OP - YABU as well.

Swipe left for the next trending thread