to think at an event where lots of people have lost relatives to cancer you mourn the loss of your dog??

[girlsyearapart]

Hi I did a 10k run yesterday for Cancer Research.
People are given a sign to put on their back to write who they are running in memory of.
Many heartbreaking messages about lost Mothers/Fathers/Children/Sisters etc. Lots of people had birth and death dates showing very short lives lost to cancer.
Anyway just about to start the race and look at woman on front of me who had a photo of her dog on her back with its name..
Well I'm a major dog lover but isn't this totally insensitive to others there who had lost relatives??
Only part of me thinking that I'm BU is that the woman was raising money which would go to actual people with cancer.
So what do you lot think?

Fascist = dictatorial = inclined to dictate (in this case, how people ought to feel). It does not always refer to the political movement, y'know. On that note, I'm taking myself off to bed.

Obv need to get some sleep Double-posting is NEVER a good sign ..

what if the woman in question had learning difficulties, or was deaf and it had been her hearing dog? or had NO relatives?

some peoples dogs ARE as important to THEM as family is to other people. she had experienced a loss through cancer that had inspired her to run and raise money - not into research on pet cancers, but for the good of others - well done that woman (and all the other participants)

what a pity somepeople were judgey even about her fund raising efforts.

You know what? Why don't we all just agree that it's unreasonable that we should all have to do such things to fund research to overcome such a hideous disease??

I really, really don't care if someone raises money in memory of their hamster if it is going to bring a cure for cancer any closer!

I'm grateful for every single penny that was raised that went into researching my DS's cancer and developing the treatment that saved him. The sad fact is that if there weren't charitable donations we'd be years behind due to the lack of central funding.

It's not about competitive grief, or putting animals above humans, it's about being motivated to get off your arse and do something positive because you care.

YANBU. I am a dog owner but I still think that is crass of crassville

"I don't think it is that exactly- I think it's more emotional intelligence"

Sadly there is not a great deal of that on these boards at times!

well that's lovely.

Ran my (not so little) arse off on Sunday to raise money after having only taken up running earlier this year, having had two babies v close together and having my M.S. to deal with too, post on here genuinely wondering what people who'd lost relatives to cancer thought and I get called a facist..

Did not ever say losing a dog is insignificant in any way whatsover read my posts.

She was definitely not deaf or blind btw.

I think it was insensitive of her but I do not think she did it purposely to upset. She must be fairly compassionate to run in the first place. I was WONDERING if others felt this was insensitive too or if I was BU.

By the way my own circumstances have nothing to do with this thread whatsover just wanted to point out it was a major acheivement for me (as it probably was for all the runners)

girlsyearapart - you were not called a fascist. what I said was....

"And anyone who says 'someone who is doing a run for charity isn't allowed to remember their dog, who they may have loved very much' is being fascist and cruel imo."

If you weren't saying that, then you are not being fascist. But there are people on this thread saying that she shouldn't have done it.

And don't forget, she 'ran her arse off on Saturday' too. And we have no idea of what sort of year she had. She may even have lost close relatives but found it too painful to put their names on her back, or maybe lost the dog having lost a husband as well, but putting the dog on her back was less painful than the husband. We don't know her circumstances, and shouldn't judge anyone. In any case I still don't think it is insenstive. It's pretty insensitive to say to someone 'you're not allowed to remember the person/animal you want to, because other people have far more important people to remember'. Is that not far more insensitive and crass?

I don't think running for the dog is that bad, but I object to the photo - she could've just written 'running in memory of Fido Jones' or something, so she knows she's running for the dog, but nobody else has to have their faces rubbed in it.

As an aside, I assume you are allowed to run in these things if you don't know anyone who's suffered from cancer? Surely your inspiration to do good for other people can come from anywhere... some people won't feel compelled do anything unless they've suffered or been affected by the disease themselves, whereas others will just to it to be altruistic. I don't think one is more noble than the other.

Semantics lilybolero, semantics

Girlsyearsapart, I suggest you post something to the effect that:"anyone who implies another person might be being fascist is being rude and hostile imo" (notice a familiar sentence construction?)

Then by lilybolero's reasoning you are not actually calling her rude and hostile

YABU. Grief is grief, you respect your own grief, and you should respect other people's. It's better to be more open-hearted.

PS; well done for the run

When you lose someone you love, you wouldn't wish that pain on your worst enemy. But it seems lots of people here DO wish the runner to have experienced a human loss!

Gagamama you say that she shouldn't have a pic of a dog on her back, and instead use a name so "nobody else has to have their faces rubbed in it". So you'd prefer to see her with a pic of a little girl, her daughter, on the back? Or a picture of her mum?

For Christ's sake, people, have some humanity!

hmc, it's not semantics, it's true. I do think it is fascist to say that someone who is doing a fantastic thing like running to raise money for charity should not be ALLOWED to run with a picture of their dog (who may have died of cancer). And I don't think it's insensitive at all - in fact I think people who have lost a relative to cancer might think it is rather marvellous that someone would take the loss of a pet and translate that into raising money for suc a good cause.

girlsyearapart then said I was calling HER fascist. I wasn't. I said that someone behaving IN THAT WAY would be behaving fascistly, ie dictating how someone else should behave.

Hobnobfanatic - no, that's not what I'm saying at all. Just that if she wants to run on behalf of a non-human, she could at least choose to omit the fact that Fido was a canine, so as not to trivialise the suffering and/or deaths of the human victims. I don't think it's wrong to run for a dog (or a celebrity, or her next door neighbour's cleaner's half-brother's exes childminders step mother-in-law, or even nobody at all) but publicing her doggy grief in the face of huge amounts of human bereavement is a little insensitive.

or even publicising it.

But when you say "publicising her doggy grief in the face of huge amounts of human bereavement" - what is that if not trivialising HER feelings?

Live and let live. Every runner there was doing a GOOD thing. Why do we have to start analysing whether their chosen memory was important enough to be acknowledged? That's a decision you make on your own behalf.

And again we get back to people judging different losses as being worthy or not, Gagamama.

People should stop being so judgemental. Loss is loss - deeply personal and individual and no one has the right to judge others over it.

FFS anyone who would be offended by someone running the race with a picture of their dog on their back needs to get the fuck over themselves. It's not about you. It's none of your business.
Just suppose some officious little twat had bustled up to this woman at the start of the race and said 'Ooh, excuse me, but would you mind getting rid of that picture of your dog? We need to be very sensitive to other people's grief here and someone might be offended.' The poor woman would have been mortified and probably too embarrassed to do the race - and maybe several of her friends would have pulled out as well, thus losing money for Cancer Research, all because some fuckwit or other tooki it upon his/herself to take offence on behalf of other people.

SGB, Hobnob and Lilybolero, I agree completely. (And enjoyed the juxtaposition of your different styles!)
It's amazing how much human energy goes into objecting to things, and how much better placed it would be in feeling glad that something worthwhile is being done.

I should say, in objecting to harmless things

YANBU
There have been a few posters who have lost loved ones to cancer who have agreed with the OP. Obviously there would have been a good few more on the run who would have thought the same.

I hate this "my grief is more important than your grief" thing. Everyone reacts to a bereavement differently, but at the end of the day, losing a pet is nothing like losing a child, no matter how much you love the pet.

Thing is, a common stage of bereavement is hatred and rage for the rest of the world, for being still alive, for merrily bumbling along in their unimportant little ruts, fussing about their trivial little concerns; it's not at all unusual to want the whole world to stop, to be as lacerated with grief as you are yourself.
These feelings are not unreasonable, but expecting complete strangers to prioritise your loss over whatever is going on in their lives, is unreasonable.

MMeLindt - you can't do stuff for fear of offending other people all the time!

Some people who have lost a child find it very hard to be around other children of a similar age. Does that mean I should hide my kids away?

Some men are offended by women who don't wear a Burka. So should we all hide our faces?

Some people are offended that animals are killed to provide food for humans. So we'll all become veggies?

It's ridiculous to suggest that a judgy minority should be pandered to. If someone has experienced a loss, they'll more likely be happy to celebrate the life-affirming event with others that feel strongly enough to prevent cancer in the future by getting off their backsides and running. Regardless of why they are doing it.