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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in asking our upstairs neighbour to move their pram?

344 replies

KG100 · 27/09/2009 16:19

Our upstairs neighbours share a communal hall way with us and have been using it to store their pram since their son was born. We were quite sympathetic for the first six months or so. After that we politely mentioned it was a problem for us as it was blocking the hallway but they said they had nowhere else to store it.

We let it rest but for the last few months it's been getting slightly wearing as he is now 20 months old and there is no sign of them moving on to a fold up model. We raised it couple of times over the summer, basically asking how much longer they would need it and they were non-committal.

So we asked them if they would mind us storing our bikes there occasionally. They said they wouldn't object and so on Thursday night my husband moved the bikes up in anticipation of going for a bike ride or two over the weekend.

We made sure they could still get their pram in and out but they still went completely berserk. She knocked on the door to ask me to move them and lost it when I said "no - we had agreed this up front". Her husband has also got quite angry and stated that they should have extra rights over the hallway than us.

I can't believe the way they are acting (stomping round upstairs, shouting at me and my husband when we've seen them, even though the bikes are now back in our flat) but not having children I can't judge whether it is really is an ordeal to either get a fold up pram, as we have asked, or alternatively build a shed and store their pram in the front yard. I'm sure all my nephew and nieces (six of them) were using fold up buggies by this age but they insist that they are not suitable for a 20 month old. Am I being really unreasonable? When should they be able to move on to a fold up model? And what does everyone else do when their kids get to this kind of age?

OP posts:
MrsGokWantstogocampingagain · 29/09/2009 11:45

Orm the bikes thing is a red herring. They don't store the bikes in the hall but in the flat. From what I undestand from what the OP was saying was that one weekend they knew they were going to use the bikes a lot so asked the neighbours if they minded them being in hte hall to make it a bit easier for them. The neighbours said they didn't mind but when they did the neighbours kicked up an almighty fuss which has royally back fired on them

OrmIrian · 29/09/2009 12:06

Agreed mrsgok - but if they are going to get the fire safety chap in, they would shoot themselves in the foot if their bikes were there.

Original poster
KG100 · 29/09/2009 12:10

Now that I've calmed down and am feeling a bit more reasonable, I think what's happened is that they bought a 2nd hand pram, were told it folded but never figured out how. More lazy than malicious, but still. Anyway, we have now ?agreed? that the pram will be sold. Hopefully soon because they are refusing to move it until it's sold. (If I were feeling mean, I?d buy it myself, chain it to the wall and wait and see how long they lasted before they complained it was in their way! I?d give them, ooh, maybe 20 minutes.)

As for whether they have ever apologised for the inconvenience or said thank you, of course not. They did apologise for not moving when they went away for the month but given that we'd had a conversation about it just before they went away, I can't think why they wouldn't have though it appropriate to move it before they went. So again not good enough

They still think we are being arses and making a huge fuss about nothing but now I'm past the point of caring. Obviously would have liked to have an amicable relationship with them but that's clearly not possible. We'll just all have to stay out of each other's way.

By the way, re all the comments about it really being in our way, I?ve had similar comments from people at work when I?ve moaned to them (yes, this has really got to me!) Anyway, have a photo now and showed it round the office today and the general consensus is ?omg, how did you ever put up with that!? I?d post the photo but I?m too much a technophobe to know how, so you?ll just have to take me at my word!

OP posts:
Original poster
KG100 · 29/09/2009 12:21

And of course, thank you to everyone that helped out and gave lots of advice. It's all really appreciated. I'm so much happier now that there's an end in sight to the Pram Wars.

To those of you who say it's people like that who give parents a bad name, you're absolutely right. These are the people you notice, not all the kind people who are quietly lugging their prams up and down the stairs. I really do feel sorry for all of you who had to carry prams up and down because I'm not sure I'd fancy that if I had a baby to carry as well, but we just felt that he isn't a baby anymore and he can walk while his mother carries the pram. If it's too big to carry, that's their mistake, they should have considered the fact that they lived in a first floor flat when they purchased it.

As for whether people with babies get "special rights" not sure that they are rights but I do still think that people should show a bit of consideration, hence the reason we tried not to make a fuss for the first few months. If it had been an elderly person upstairs, we would have shown the same consideration and let them use it to store stuff they couldn't carry up but I don't think we'd let them take the piss and move their mobility scooter in, and these two were just taking the piss.

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 29/09/2009 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lucky1979 · 29/09/2009 12:31

Well done on getting it sorted! I would put a time frame in for them to sell it though, otherwise they may well be thinking that they've got another 6 months out of you.

MovingOutOfBlighty · 29/09/2009 12:32

I think that the Op wanted a parents viewpoint. Most people agreed that the parents were being unreasonable.
Personally don't think it is a bad thing for non-parents to post on a parenting website. It give another POV on things.

OrmIrian · 29/09/2009 12:46

I think it's quite refreshing. As a parent it's all too easy to forget there are other POV out there.

And I don't think that parenthood will neccessarily change your ideas of reasonable and unreasonable behaviour.

Original poster
KG100 · 29/09/2009 12:47

themildmanneredjanitor, As I've said before, I genuinely came on to get another opinion not to moan and generally most people seemed to be quite sympathetic. If they hadn't maybe I would have re-thought my view, I'm generally open to persuasion which is why I ask for opinions, and in this circumstance this seemed like a reasonable place to go. Obviously we asked people we knew with kids too, but it's safe to say that friends and family can be a little bit biased, and no one we knew with kids ever had to share a communal hall.

OP posts:
Original poster
KG100 · 29/09/2009 12:55

MovingOutOfBlighty, OrmIrian, I'm really glad I came. If I hadn't my lasting impression of parents would have been the couple of upstairs and as been said before, people like that do give parents a bad name. As it is, my lasting impression of parents will not be them, but the mums on here who have without exception been reasoned and thoughful (even if they didn't agree with me) and full of good advice.

If I'm honest one of the reasons why I've put off motherhood is because you do come across alot of parents who can be quite selfish. Like I said, they're the people you notice, not the ones who still take care to think of people other than themselves and their children. It's not an attitude I've ever liked and I've always been quite terrified that all mothers become like that (maybe I assumed that it was a basic survival instinct where you had to do what's best for you and your kids and sod the rest of the world) but clearly not everyone's like that and the world's a nicer place than I thought it was!

OP posts:
Original poster
KG100 · 29/09/2009 12:57

lucky1979, they have a week! no point rushing them!

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 29/09/2009 13:12

it is a legitimate post irrespective of parenting status,no special dibs here just because you happen to be mum

lucky1979 · 29/09/2009 13:23

I didn't see the week limit - sorry! That's perfectly reasonable, I was just thinking that they might have agreed and have no intention of following through.

You'll have to come back in a wekk and let us know if the beast is gone though!

ihavenewsockson · 29/09/2009 13:39

Could thye have been given the pram by a relative? that's why they didn't buy a little one.

Original poster
KG100 · 29/09/2009 13:43

ihavenewsockson, last night he said his mum bought it for him. Although slightly sympathetic to that, they've just handled it all so badly that we're not making any allowances for that anymore. Think that they have to just accept that the pram they chose (or his mother chose) just isn't suitable for their circumstances and they will have to get another one.

OP posts:
ihavenewsockson · 29/09/2009 13:49

Sorry-should have read the whole thread.

glad it's getting sorted!

Hopefully · 29/09/2009 13:59

Cannot believe I have read 10 pages of Chariotgate. Am now agog to see whether the neighbours sell the incredible non-folding-but-actually-it-does pram.

In next week's episode: The upstairs neighbours take up quad biking...

MichKit · 29/09/2009 14:04

I've been following this thread too... glad you have finally decided to make a stand and wish you luck in sorting this out.

Do let us know what happens in a week though

freename · 29/09/2009 14:09

haven't read the whole thread but they sound selfish. It is a communal hallway after all. Bad neighbours.

CarGirl · 29/09/2009 14:51

we want a photo to see what you have put up with can you email it to one of us and we'll put it on here for you??????

Original poster
KG100 · 29/09/2009 15:48

ihavenewsockson - don't blame you, i wouldn't, there's 10 pages afterall!

OP posts:
Original poster
KG100 · 29/09/2009 15:51

CarGirl, let me know how to post it and I'll try to do so. I have it in a JPEG file.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 29/09/2009 15:58

You would have to put it into a hosting site like photo bucket first or email it someone who has IYSWIM?

I'm happy to do it for you if you like?

I am sooooooooooo nosy

spicemonster · 29/09/2009 15:59

Put it on www.imageshack.us - then it's just up there as a temp file

I am also bored at work and want to see this monstrosity

scottishmummy · 29/09/2009 16:04

if it had been bugaboo folk would have been foaming at the chops

nothing like mere mention of bugaboo to get some folk incandescent

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