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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think an engagement ring would be nice?

98 replies

PicketyBing · 26/09/2009 12:23

DP asked me to marry him back in January, just after DC1 was born. Said yes!

But since then things have kind of fallen by the wayside. He mentioned recently that we should get officially engaged and tell everyone and asked what we needed to do. I mentioned a ring, at which point he recoiled in horror, saying he doesn't have the money to spend on an expensive ring and we're losing sight of what it's all about.

I never said anything about expensive! I just want to be like every other girl and do it properly. So when we announce it, and people ask to see the ring, I'm not left muttering excuses about lack of cash or not believing in it. And feck me, I'd like a little romance!

We've both been married before (to other people), btw. Didn't have an engagement last time, just ran off and married, much to the disgust of my family. And no, I'm not trying to make up for no ring then by having a ring now.

So. Unreasonable?

OP posts:
cluckyagain · 26/09/2009 12:27

No - I'd want one....hell I want one now and I'm already married!

mrsjammi · 26/09/2009 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
PicketyBing · 26/09/2009 12:30

It doesn't have to be expensive - just something. A little token. Like other girls have. Why not me? And it's not like we're skint...

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 26/09/2009 12:30

i'm sure you could pick up a cheap version of a ring you'd really like,then one year he can replace it with the posher version?

will mean alot either way

diddl · 26/09/2009 12:31

I don´t think it´s unreasonable.

Doesn´t have to cost a ridiculous amount.

Weddings also don´t have to be expensive!

PrincessToadstool · 26/09/2009 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillianAstra · 26/09/2009 12:32

I would want one too. Even a cheap one. Get a silver and cubic zirconia one as a placeholder for the platinum/diamond ring that you'll get when you're rich

Trikken · 26/09/2009 12:34

no not unreasonable. mine isnt overly big, expensive or fancy, but I love it. it also reminds me of where we were then in our life and where we are now, and makes me see how far we've come and how lucky we are. its not about cost, its about what it stands for.

lovechoc · 26/09/2009 12:37

I just wearing the wedding band, only wear engagement ring on special occasions when going out for a meal or something. Just isn't really practical for wearing (solitaire).

Can understand why people would want one, but honestly it's not really all that necessary. If I'd known then what I know now, i'd probably have not bothered getting one!

CNyle · 26/09/2009 12:37

RING
you will ALWAYS regret this if oyu dont

DoingTheBestICan · 26/09/2009 12:40

My engagement ring never cost us much as we were just starting out & tbh we preferred spending the cash on our 1st home but dh made up for it yrs later by taking me to Tiffanys in NY & buying me a lovely diamond & emerald eternity ring.

YANBU,even a cheap silver ring would do i am sure.

pigletmania · 26/09/2009 12:41

Hell yeh I would definitely want a ring or dont propose even if it is not an expensive one does not matter. My dh proposed in Argos many moons ago and asked me to pick a ring from there but it did not matter that it was cheap it was the toght and the significance behind it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/09/2009 12:41

course you want a ring

it doesnt have to be a big diamond, but you want one to show and have on your finger

esp if not getting married for a year or so

Morosky · 26/09/2009 12:44

DP and I are planning are wedding and I dont have a ring, at my request. I don't need a bit of jewellery to remind me that we love each other. Hopefully there will be no wedding rings either.

OrmIrian · 26/09/2009 12:48

" I just want to be like every other girl and do it properly."

Not every other girl. I had to nag DH until he agreed that I could buy one out of our joint a/c Twas the cheapest we could get without resorting to prawn sandwich jewellery. It would be nice but it isn't really important. I think maybe I'd like to be the sort of woman that gets lovely jewellery - you know, high maintenance! But it's too late to start now.....

TheHeadbangingWombat · 26/09/2009 12:50

Prawn sandwich jewellery?

And I wouldn't say YABU but I really don't see the point of engagement rings. I don't have one. I made it obvious that I don't like them and thankfully he didn't get me one.

diddl · 26/09/2009 12:52

Yes, OrmIrian, I´ve also left my run at being "high maintenance" too late!!

mrsjammi · 26/09/2009 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Morosky · 26/09/2009 13:00

I did it properly first time, huge rock, outrqageous wedding, we were planning our divorce within a year.

This time i am conforted by the fact I am doing it all for us, very privately and with no symbols for anyone else.

I could quite happily nip to a registry office in my lunch hour in a shellsuit.

OrmIrian · 26/09/2009 13:02

"Cheaper than an M&S prawn sandwich" wombat. Ratners chairman shot himself in the foot by saying his jewellery was cheaper etc.

diddl · 26/09/2009 13:04

I guess most people will say YABU/YANBU based upon their circumstances, of course.

If it´s what the OP wants, it´s what she wants.

As long as she doesn´t want to bankrupt them I can´t see the problem.

dogonpoints · 26/09/2009 13:05

"Like other girls have". Not all other girls have an engagement ring so that argument's a non-starter.

If I had to nag for a ring and my man was grumpy about getting one, that would take the shine off it for me. Every time I looked at the ring, I'd just remember the lack of romance and his miserable face. So where exactly is the romance going to come from with this ring?

If you really want one (and fair enough if you do), you;d be better off just going and buying it yourself.

LissyGlitter · 26/09/2009 13:13

Mine cost DP about £50, it is a lovely gold band with rubies and tiny tiny diamonds, second hand from a lovely old fashioned shop. I love it, because it feels like I always have DP with me, telling me he loves me (I know, cheesy!) and I am gutted that my hands have swollen up with pregnancy so I can't wear it atm.

I'm not too bothered about the wedding (apart from it being an excuse for a party!) and absolutely refuse to spend loads on it. I think the top limit of our budget will be a couple of hundred quid, and that will mostly be for food as we are taking it as an excuse to get some lovely local cheeses and so on.

We had an engagement party, but again it was more as any excuse for a party. We got a room for £30, spent about £50 in the supermarket, cooked the food at home and at my parents house, some friends played music, some other friends lent us a PA, and loads of our friends and family came for a get together. The wedding will probably be similar, apart from us probably getting nicer food, and we will use the local theatre costumes.

I had a huge rock for my first engagement ring. As far as I know, my ex still has the ring as he can't get anywhere near what he paid for it if he sells it on. I did ask him for a cheaper, second hand ring, but he was dead against that. He was also after a hugely expensive and posh wedding, and insisted that I buy a brand new white dress. Not me at all.

CNyle · 26/09/2009 13:15

god yes get a fake cubic zirconia one if you want
NO ONE will know its not real diamonds

CNyle · 26/09/2009 13:15

( or as lissie said a second hand one - some are uber hceap)

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