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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think an engagement ring would be nice?

98 replies

PicketyBing · 26/09/2009 12:23

DP asked me to marry him back in January, just after DC1 was born. Said yes!

But since then things have kind of fallen by the wayside. He mentioned recently that we should get officially engaged and tell everyone and asked what we needed to do. I mentioned a ring, at which point he recoiled in horror, saying he doesn't have the money to spend on an expensive ring and we're losing sight of what it's all about.

I never said anything about expensive! I just want to be like every other girl and do it properly. So when we announce it, and people ask to see the ring, I'm not left muttering excuses about lack of cash or not believing in it. And feck me, I'd like a little romance!

We've both been married before (to other people), btw. Didn't have an engagement last time, just ran off and married, much to the disgust of my family. And no, I'm not trying to make up for no ring then by having a ring now.

So. Unreasonable?

OP posts:

sayithowitis · 26/09/2009 17:03

It is not a requirement to have an engagement ring! We had been 'going out' for about four years when we set the dat for our wedding, got married about a year later. No engagement ring. We had other calls on our money. My dh bought me an 'engagement' ring for our silver wedding anniversary! Nothing expensive or flash, just pretty and sits well with my wedding band. I can't say our marriage has suffered for the lack of an engagement ring!

However, if you really want a ring, could you not find one you like, at a reasonable price and tell him you would like it as your birthday/christmas present? If cost really is an issue maybe that would help.

morningpaper · 26/09/2009 17:04

yes I knew what you meant really

scottishmummy · 26/09/2009 17:08

i do find engaged a slightly twee concept .does anyone still do it?

i personally recommend try before you buy, shack up together.live together ,get to know each other

Original poster

PicketyBing · 26/09/2009 17:17

Yeah, scottishmummy, we've done all that, got the DD, the house, had the row with the religious in-laws about not being married - part of me thinks skip it altogether and just go for the wedding (though not in a flipping youth hostel).

OP posts:

Morosky · 26/09/2009 17:25

I agree scottishmummy, we told a few people we were getting married and tbh I am bored with it already. Have no desire to announce an engagement, look at bridal magazines or even discuss the day. I am still living in hope that dp and I will just elope in a lunch hour.

willowstar · 26/09/2009 17:34

seems we are all different. I don't think we ever got engaged...just decided to get married, went and did it just the two of us and some random witnesses off the street and that was that. we don't even wear wedding rings, we just did the marriage thing purely for ourselves and because we were buying a house and it is easier in terms of wills etc. we have a beautiful loving romantic relationship, just don't go in for traditional things. so obviously for me the engagement ring would be pointless. but for you it is important so you should have one. so no, YANBU.

thesecondcoming · 26/09/2009 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chattermouse · 26/09/2009 18:12

Secondcoming - what do you do with the fuck off ring now then? hope it does not just sit in a drawer! Maybe have stone reset into a necklace or does the ring have bad memories so better out of sight...

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 26/09/2009 18:26

What's a maternity ring?

thesecondcoming · 26/09/2009 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cariboo · 26/09/2009 19:12

double-glazing? how about some net curtains to go with?

thesecondcoming · 26/09/2009 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 26/09/2009 19:23

engaged 3 times cant you say no?

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 26/09/2009 19:24

God, just realised I have been engaged three times too but it was 3rd time lucky and we are blissfully married now.

scottishmummy · 26/09/2009 19:25

never been engaged or married.

thesecondcoming · 26/09/2009 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morosky · 26/09/2009 19:29

This would be my third engagement, gave one ring back, the second one I donated to a charity to sell and it funded a project for a year, this time no ring.

flowerybeanbag · 26/09/2009 19:35

YANBU if it's important to you he should buy you one.

When DH and I got engaged we were skint students and I had a £14.99 ring from Argos. I've got a v nice one now...

MorrisZapp · 26/09/2009 19:41

Why do men have to buy women jewellery - I don't get it.

My friend made it very clear to her boyfriend that she expected him to propose marriage. So he did, and bought her a big ring.

He knew he would get chucked otherwise. This is the 'elephant in the room' of gender equality imo. If you like rings so much why don't you buy one?

I love getting pressies from my DP, I'm no mimimalist or anything buy why should men have to stump up cash because it is expected or because every other girl gets it.

If I was a man I'd be tempted to say buy it yourself! It's a load of nonsense anyway but that of course is my very subjective and personal opinion.

scottishmummy · 26/09/2009 19:46

knew someone who told her partner,we get married or finish.fortunately he grew a spine and he finished it

MilaMae · 26/09/2009 20:05

Dp and I have been together 20 years and errrrr still no ring(or wedding). Has never bothered me. He bought me a costume one as a joke when we got engaged it was hideous and promised we'd get one I could choose,we even looked in Hatton Garden-then I got pg with twins. A rock didn't seem so important then.

The costume one got nicked would never have worn it but would have liked to have it for posterity.

We've always had a joint account so in effect I'd be buying my own ring anyway. We've have 3 dc now and I'd much rather spend the money on them. To have something sitting on my finger that could have taken them somewhere amazing-I just couldn't do it.

To be honest I'm sooo lucky to have my dp a ring just isn't needed.

MillyMollyMoo · 26/09/2009 20:13

I love my engagement ring and couldn't imagine not having it but in truth if we didn't have the money I'd have managed without.
Having said that all my friends have 3 rings and I'm missing the eternity one which is a bit upsetting, think I'd prefer diamond earings though.

busybeingmum · 26/09/2009 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

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