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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think an engagement ring would be nice?

98 replies

PicketyBing · 26/09/2009 12:23

DP asked me to marry him back in January, just after DC1 was born. Said yes!

But since then things have kind of fallen by the wayside. He mentioned recently that we should get officially engaged and tell everyone and asked what we needed to do. I mentioned a ring, at which point he recoiled in horror, saying he doesn't have the money to spend on an expensive ring and we're losing sight of what it's all about.

I never said anything about expensive! I just want to be like every other girl and do it properly. So when we announce it, and people ask to see the ring, I'm not left muttering excuses about lack of cash or not believing in it. And feck me, I'd like a little romance!

We've both been married before (to other people), btw. Didn't have an engagement last time, just ran off and married, much to the disgust of my family. And no, I'm not trying to make up for no ring then by having a ring now.

So. Unreasonable?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 26/09/2009 13:18

if you want something to show off then get a fake one till you/he can afford a real diamond

£50

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 26/09/2009 13:19

It doesn't matter what anyone else does. You want a ring and he doesn't want to buy you one.

dogonpoints · 26/09/2009 13:21

I wouldn't want a cheap ring on my finger every single day if my life. I'm that kind of gal

MistergodthisisSal · 26/09/2009 13:23

I'd go for a silver ring with either cubic zirconia or another stone that means something to you (e.g. a specific birth stone, either your birth month, dc's etc).
If cz, you can always replace it later with platinum & diamond if you really wanted. If a stone with specific meaning to you, you'll always think of the specific meaning and can proudly say to others why you'd rather go unique if they're nosy! Doesn't always have to be diamonds - I chose a Tanzanite stone, for example, as it reminds me of my African roots. It's nice being difficult different sometimes.

Just go simple - simple is stylish.

Tell dp you're fed up of other men trying to chat you up, and want to show you're unavailable. (Joking)

CNyle · 26/09/2009 13:24

dogonpoins

where has your finger BEEN?
I am sure it coudl cope

Morosky · 26/09/2009 13:28

Maybe your dp thinks you cannot afford it. Maybe he is saving for the wedding or your future. We are financially comfortable but I would be furious if dp wasted money on a ring and am not that happy about spending money on a wedding.

If you want one and can afford one of course get one, am just trying to explain why your partner has not got you one. Maybe he is saving for something specisl.

It does not have to be a diamond that is just a con to get you to buy diamonds.

NormaSknockers · 26/09/2009 13:28

YANBU - I would want one too.

Mine wasn't a mega exensive ring & isn't your "traditional" engagement ring but I love it because DH chose it & that means so much. It's really, very pretty & I love how even after 6 years it still sparkles in the light

Like you say it doesn't need to be a big expensive ring - why not pick out a few you like in a reasonable price range & show DP & see what he says then? Maybe he thinks he'd have to spend a fortune?

qwertpoiuy · 26/09/2009 13:29

at the end of mistergodthisissal's post!

That's a lovely ring in Blondie's link. I would start saving a few pounds a week and buy that ring myself!

SardineQueen · 26/09/2009 13:30

YANBU of course you need a ring (if you want one, which you do) and agree a cheapie one will be fine.

If he doesn't even want to get a cheapie one i would be wondering why not.

dogonpoints · 26/09/2009 13:31

My large manly finger can cope with anything, nyle . But I wouldn't want to look at a cheap ring that my husband had grudgingly paid for. Lordy, what a downer that would be as a token of true love.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/09/2009 13:40

what do you call cheap?

a fake ring so £50ish

or a real diamonds so you want £500+

btw that link looks just like my ring,tho mine is real, dh said if i lost it i would never get a real one again so is on house insurance

mrsjammi · 26/09/2009 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 26/09/2009 13:46

I popped in to the jewellers today to say hello to the girls and someone spent £7000 on a one carat ring yesterday.

Original poster
PicketyBing · 26/09/2009 13:50

Hmmm. Mixed bag of responses. Thanks for the different viewpoints, much appreciated. I see it's not the end of the world if I don't have one.

Part of me was wondering if it is because I am generally fairly low maintenance that he seems to think I'll be happy to go without. And I see his point, but we're not broke - not rich, but not broke, have two cars, a normal decent house, decent jobs and so on. Not on the breadline. So we can afford "A Ring", it's not about wanting some massive diamond to show off.

I'm fairly traditionally-minded about this and would like a ring because in my mind that's the NORMAL thing to do. And I know, knowing me, that if I didn't have one and people said "oh, where's your ring?" it would start to grate somewhat.

Friend got proposed to on bended kneee with beautiful ring on Christmas Day, was all very romantic. Don't most girls want something like that? (Please note I said most. I know this would make some of you puke.)

Some people would be happy to go and get married in jeans and have no engagement ring. I wish I could be like that!

An engagement to me is a marriage proposal with a ring.

(But then again we are talking about the man who wants us to get married and spend our wedding night in a youth hostel!)

OP posts:
busybeingmum · 26/09/2009 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/09/2009 13:51

£7k on one carat

i expect a few carats for that!!

agree its not the price, but that it is brought with love

maybe the op oh really cant afford a real diamond

CNyle · 26/09/2009 13:52

doggy

on that basis Id not marry him i think

if he is like that NOW>>>

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/09/2009 13:53

wedding night in hostel

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 26/09/2009 13:56

busybeingmum - how is a wedding ring going to be worn longer than an engagement ring?

OP - I would tell your boyfriend you want an engagement ring and see what he says.

Honeymoon in a youth hostel is different.

Morosky · 26/09/2009 13:57

Not one person has asked me where my ring is.

I am planning to spend my wedding night in a tent, so not that far from a hostel.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/09/2009 14:00

fab - as busymum isnt going to wear her engagement ring when married

Heated · 26/09/2009 14:03

Idiot! Him, not you. Tell him you'll go shopping for one together after he's asked your father's permission to marry you.

MadameDefarge · 26/09/2009 14:08

My DP got me a ring from Dinny Hall (my all time favourite place for bling).

It cost less about £70, and they gave us a discount too.. its really pretty and elegant and I love it. I couldn't care less about real stones.

motheroftwoboys · 26/09/2009 14:22

I wear my engagement ring every day. I didn't get it before we got married as I had been married before and engaged more than once so felt should just got married. Got the ring when I was pregnant with 2nd son and we paid for it together plus traded in an old engagement ring. It is beautiful but second hand so much cheaper. Also wear my late mum's engagement and eternity rings and used to wear my grans until the diamond fell out. You could always get a beautiful eternity ring when you get married.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 26/09/2009 14:31

Why ever not, blondes?

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