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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a 4 wk old is too young to stay overnight

164 replies

Nowtheres4 · 25/09/2009 21:52

.. at xh's? i had my new dd a couple of weeks ago and xh thinsk that in 2 weeks time when he will be having the older children (12,7 and 3) he has to have dd too?
shes b/f and i have no problem with him having her all day and i cna give expressed milk in a bottle and meet for a feed break but over 48 hours is far too long ?

OP posts:
HumphreyCobbler · 25/09/2009 21:53

yes, she needs to be with you. Will he accept an alternative arrangement?

megapixels · 25/09/2009 21:55

YANBU. I wouldn't do it at that age.

Original poster
Nowtheres4 · 25/09/2009 21:56

no hes being pig headed at the moment, i am willing to sit in the car all day and be there on call as a milk bank if thats whats needed!
she won;t be going but i just want reassurance that i'm not mad for thinking its too soon. and i think that b/f or f/f.

OP posts:
ThingOne · 25/09/2009 21:59

Of course she's too small!

moondog · 25/09/2009 22:00

Jesus Christ, it's an insane idea.

hanaboo · 25/09/2009 22:02

aaaaaaww, thats way too young, my dp didn't have his son overnight till he was 6 mnths.... he went to visit in the daytime to bond while he was young, will ur xh not do that?

pooka · 25/09/2009 22:02

NO way. Far too young for an overnight stay, and TBH I think an all day situation too much time for a 4 week old who is breastfed to be away - thinking in terms of your supply and the impact it could have on her feeding upon her return, as well as the impact it would have on you.

mrsboogie · 25/09/2009 22:02

what? is he quite mad? tell him to fuck right off!
she is too young to go even if she wasn't bf. For fuck's sake she is a newborn. overnight? Jesus wept. He doesn't get her overnight until you are finished breastfeeding her.

KiwiKat · 25/09/2009 22:03

He's thinking of himself, or to spite you, not at all of the baby.

norktasticninja · 25/09/2009 22:03

YANBU

4 weeks is far far too young. Surely he understands that after having had 3 children before?

I'd be dubious about doing it before six months.

ronshar · 25/09/2009 22:04

Idiot.
Do you have to send your DD at all. I understand that she is your xdh DD as well but surely even he can understand that at 4 weeks she is too small to be a way from you for that long. BF is only just properly established at 4 weeks. It could lead to problems feeding!

spicybingowings · 25/09/2009 22:05

YANBU - it just won't work and not in interests of child either.

PartOfTheHumphreysGroup · 25/09/2009 22:07

No you're not mad, that's a ridiculous idea. I made it to a half hour trip to the shop as a 'treat' at that age. You'd be beside yourself surely!

ThePhantomPlopper · 25/09/2009 22:07

FAR TOO YOUNG! She needs you.

My friends Ex husband wasn't allowed their baby overnight until she was a year old, ordered through the courts.

LynetteScavo · 25/09/2009 22:09

YANBU.

The thought of it makes me

JustAnotherManicMummy · 25/09/2009 22:21

I have 2 thoughts, firstly, that's a stupid idea.

Secondly, that's a stupid idea, but he'll not see it until he actually has to experience the reality, in which case... you should send her. And then in about... oh 4 hours time when it's all getting too much ring and he'll be begging you to come and get her.

Unless of course he can breast feed. In which case YABVU!

more · 25/09/2009 22:22

That is odd, I don't think it is unreasonable of him to think so. My daughter stayed at home alone with her father for a couple of nights, whilst I was in hospital when she was less than a month old. I expressed as much as I could (nothing much else to do in a hospital). Me and my daughter bonded just fine, and she bonded fine with her father.
I think it is a good thing that he is expecting to be able to see his new baby overnight as well, and it is showing me that he loves her just as much as the other children.
Is it because you don't trust your husband?

cat64 · 25/09/2009 22:22

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edam · 25/09/2009 22:26

more - that's very different. You were unavoidably detained in hospital. That is not the case with the OP who is ready, willing and able to care for her newborn baby.

Has the ex really forgotten quite how vulnerable and dependent on their mothers newborn babies are? He's the father of a 3yo, surely he realises quite how mad this is?

If he does, he's an arse who is trying to make some kind of stupid point. If he doesn't, he's still an arse.

Baby's needs override his by a factor of several million.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 25/09/2009 22:27

going against the grain here but I really don't see why it's unreasonable for a father to care for his child overnight - even a 4 week old child. Aside from the milk - which is easily sorted by expressing - the father is as capable of caring for his child as the mother is.

My husband has done more than his fair share of childcare, from day 1. And was always much better at nappy changing than I was!

I can't help thinking that the problem is the relationship between the 2 of you, rather than Shock Horror, Father Cares For Baby.

cat64 · 25/09/2009 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

edam · 25/09/2009 22:29

No, Hecate, it's Shock Horror, Father Insists On Taking Newborn Baby Away From Mother. Quite different.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 25/09/2009 22:32

I guess I see it differently, edam.

more · 25/09/2009 22:34

I just don't see why you consider it to be such a bad idea. He is just as capable of looking after the baby as she is. She has said that she has expressed milk, and her daughter has taken a bottle.
It is just as important for her daughter to bond with her father as it is to bond with her mother.
Even if I had not gone into hospital I still would not have minded a night to be able to sleep through. And my husband did get up in the middle of the night with both our babies to deal with them whilst I lay leaking on the sheets.
I honestly don't think he is being unreasonable in wanting to do this.

edam · 25/09/2009 22:35

Look, the guy is her ex, they clearly aren't living together. So from the baby's point of view, he is not a constant in her life yet. Their relationship will grow, but right now this is a newborn baby who needs her Mum.

Quite different to a couple living together.