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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit sad after my scan today.

402 replies

sally78 · 25/09/2009 13:20

We have a lovely DS but he is very hard work.

This pregnancy has been so so so different and DH had his heart set on a girl........we are having another boy.

We are so lucky to be having a healthy baby and I am sure DH will get over it. The thing is everyone keeps saying "oh I bet you would love a girl, oh it must be you have been so ill, your so much rounder this time" etc etc etc.

I do feel a bit sad, I keep thinking about ballet classes and doing hair for school etc and a little like I'm missing out

Its terrible to feel like this I know I am BU.

OP posts:
mum23monkeys · 26/09/2009 20:48

I felt like you when I found ds2 was a boy, but it was dh who had really wanted a girl so I was glad we had a few months to get used to the idea before dealing with a baby as well.

Before getting pg for the third time I made sure I was happy to have either type of baby. This was easier because by then it was clear that while both ds 1 and 2 were boys, they were totally different from each other.

When dc3 turned out to be a girl it was a bonus, but I would not have been disappointed with a boy. I'm still slightly grumpy though that she has inherited my hair genes and getting on for 3, hasn't enough for bunches, and she rips clips out within seconds. Little madam.

It is also a pet hate of mine when people say whether boys/girls are easier/harder etc. They are all hard, and all delightful in their own ways at different times, and to think that because it's easier putting on swimming trunks rather that a swimming costume is a good reason for being pleased at having a boy beggars belief. (can't remember who posted that earlier, but really!

NotanOtter · 26/09/2009 20:58

only mums of girls would come on to this thread and say things like 'i cried tears of relief when i found out i was having a girl' or I 'want only daughters' and triple

what bizarre and smug callous statements

YANBU

But i do believe honestly you will at some stage go ' oh my word I cannot believe that i felt like that!'

little boys rock

BustleInYourHedgerow · 26/09/2009 21:03

God, never admitted this, but was convinced ds was a girl. Had my heart set on all the girly things too....Didn't find out the sex til he was born, and was so shocked when I seen his willy that I thought I was hallucinating from the G&A!

Said to DP: "It's a boy???"
DP: Yes!
Said to midwife: "It's really a boy?"
MW: Yes!

Crushing sense of disapointment....

that lifted about two seconds later when I seen his beautiful face
Enjoy your pregnancy and please don't feel bad

dogonpoints · 26/09/2009 21:09

agree otter. It's utterly ridiculous.

NotanOtter · 26/09/2009 21:58

only ever works THIS way round !

dogonpoints · 26/09/2009 22:04

what?

Doobydoo · 26/09/2009 22:05

I LOVE MY 2 BOYSThey are utterly fab.
I have pants relationship with my mum and can honestly say I never cared what I would have...healthy is what matters isn't it?

NotanOtter · 26/09/2009 22:09

dogonpoints i dont ever see mums of just boys going on threads and saying comments that show no empathy in this way..

dogonpoints · 26/09/2009 22:12

I know of two men who really wanted a boy, very badly. One punched the air when a son was born and the other refused to try for any more children after two girls as it wasn't possible to guarantee a boy.

SO maybe it's often women and men who sometimes feel like this about a baby of the same sex as themselves.

dogonpoints · 26/09/2009 22:12

Either way, it gets my goat.

NotanOtter · 26/09/2009 22:12

punched the air

NotanOtter · 26/09/2009 22:13

yup me to dogon!

dogonpoints · 26/09/2009 22:13

yeah, I always remember his wife telling me that

NotanOtter · 26/09/2009 22:15

me too

what did you say 'awwwww how sweet ' then look to the side with a distinct face on ????

stepaway · 26/09/2009 22:15

sally 78.

With my first pregnancy, I didn't find out the sex as we had no absolutely no preference. It was a boy and we now have DS1 who is charming, capitvating, adorable and... VERY HARD WORK!

When I became pg again, I really wanted a girl. Decided to find out sex at 20 weeks. Scan revealed the baby to be a boy. I was disappointed (didn't tell anyone in real life apart from DH). In fact, I actually cried.

BUT.... DS2 is so wonderful i cannot imagine not having him. Really. He is such a joy and I sometimes think to myself that if I HAD had a DD, then DS2 wouldn't even exist. Which would be such a huge loss.

I have met others who feel the same way. You are not alone in feeling like this.

dogonpoints · 26/09/2009 22:16

oh no. His wife was very about it. SHe knew I would be too

NotanOtter · 26/09/2009 22:17

omg even worse
you'd think he could have hidden it....
do you think she later wondered what he would have done had the baby not had a tail!!!

poshsinglemum · 26/09/2009 22:21

My dd is hard work even though she is sooo georgeous!
Think of all the teenage girl dramas that you will be avoiding!

chickbean · 26/09/2009 22:32

I met a mother of two girls recently who was really smug about the fact that she had timed conception to "ensure" girls - announced in the company of three of us who all had two boys

My two boys are completely different - and at 3 and 1 are just starting to play together, which is lovely. I deliberately didn't find out the sex of either in advance - or of the one I am now expecting. When they were a kind of abstract concept I could imagine being disappointed - once they were here the thought never crossed my mind.

girlsyearapart · 27/09/2009 08:57

notanotter- I only had a preference for girls in a totally irrational way as am one of 2 girls and just feel like I wouldn't be any good being a mum to boys.

As i said in previous posts I wouldn't find out at a scan as am being silly mare in thinking that and would love a baby boy as soon as he was born I'm sure.

Have 4 lovely nephews and lots of friends have lovely boys.

Didn't mean to cause any offence to any mums to boys.

TheBalladofGayTony · 27/09/2009 09:04

yabu get over it

bergentulip · 27/09/2009 09:23

HAve two boys ,both adorable, have no desire to try for another and have a girl. Found out at 20weeks with both, had a brief moment before finding out with DS2 of thinking 'ooh, wouldn't it be interesting if it was a girl' but were told it was a boy and there was no disappointment there. I can udnerstand people feeling slightly disappointed though.

But only slightly. I don't really get why people would cry about it. It's a child, isn't it? A baby? Why is it so terrible to have two children of the same sex. At least you have some idea of how to handle the second one.

And my two are like chalk and cheese anyway. They get on fine (typical shouting at eachother about toys of course), but DS1 is far more tactile and gentle and easy-going, DS2 is more boystrous, adventurous, fearless etc...

It's fascinating really just how different two boys can be. And I noticed it from when DS2 was about 2mths old. Already I could see how content he was staring at objects, whereas DS1 just wanted to see people. DS1 would be happy staring out the window watching the world go by, DS2 wanted to be finddling with something, ripping something to pieces, shaking objects and making noise.

You may be disappointed now, but having two of the same sex does not mean you are getting another little person who will be the same as the last. Believe me!

kitkatqueen · 27/09/2009 09:38

OP, I wanted a boy DESPERATLY when I was pregs with NO1. I found out at the scan that I was having a girl. I was absolutley gutted. I was really glad I found out when I did. I had 20 weeks to get used to the idea. Pick a name, go shopping for really cute outfits. I talked to my baby every day by name and when it was finally time for her to be born I was glad.

A friend of mine did not find out and was in shock for about 2 weeks because she had been convinced that she "knew" what she was having. She won't admit it now but at the birth she was really shocked.

You are upset, its understandable, use the next 20 weeks to get your head round it, and have a happy labour and life. Its almost down to fate which sex you will carry. Your little boy is supposed to "be" for some reason.

Hope you're feeling happier soon.

Original poster
sally78 · 27/09/2009 11:10

Thank-you all for positive commnets.
I did have a real cry about it this morning and let it all out to DH, felt better for it. I think my main worries are:

  1. My friends with girls becoming distant as the children get older as the childrens interests will change.

2)Being less girly myself????

3)Being the only girl in the house hold, and as a family doing all boy things.

4)Not being so involved in planning the wedding later on! Grandchildren etc.... My mum is so close to me.

I know my DH really wanted a girl and I said to him would he want to try again, he said no, two is perfect, so I felt like the dream was over today. I know its a case of YUABU but I even googled microsort to see if he dream really was over. I am ust being honest and I know many will think I am terrible!

OP posts:
fruitshootsandleaves · 27/09/2009 11:25

I cried for three days when I found out dc4 was a boy and I already had one girl! TBH I think two of the same gender has massive pluses, like hand me down clothes, closeness that is only shared by the same gender. They'll be friends for life, which is more common in same sex siblings.

And it does leave room for dc3!!

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