to feel a bit sad after my scan today.

[sally78]

We have a lovely DS but he is very hard work.

This pregnancy has been so so so different and DH had his heart set on a girl........we are having another boy.

We are so lucky to be having a healthy baby and I am sure DH will get over it. The thing is everyone keeps saying "oh I bet you would love a girl, oh it must be you have been so ill, your so much rounder this time" etc etc etc.

I do feel a bit sad, I keep thinking about ballet classes and doing hair for school etc and a little like I'm missing out

Its terrible to feel like this I know I am BU.

I just found out this week that I'm having a third boy and like Plonker I'm a little sad that I won't have the experience of raising a girl but, without wanting to sound trite, 'them's the breaks'. I allowed myself a little wallow the day after the scan (looked mournfully at girls clothes/toys.....actually all the pink made me feel a little nauseous but crashing on....) and now I'm really looking forward to another boy. There's loads of advantages to having same sex siblings (cost for one) and as others have said, every child is different and brings it's own pleasure's so I'm raising a virtual glass of champ's to both our boys! Congrats.

I hoped for a boy because I knew when dh found out it was another girl (which it was) he'd lose interest in the pregnancy and baby, and leave us (which he did )

I wouldn't change her now

It's ok to be disappointed.

Even if you had had a girl, she would probably have ended up a tomboy, just to frustrate you further.

I do understand (a bit) where you are coming from. DH was the same about the arrival of DC2. FWIW I think this is why it's good to establish the gender at the scan - so that you have time to get reconciled to the gender you're expecting. And he will be delightful and play very well with DS1.

yanbu, I felt like that too. And am thinking of ttc no4 because I want a daughter. But I'm sure it will be twin boys so might not bother

(I do love mine by the way though, and they're not the same as each other, but I still want a girl, and no matter what anyone says about healthy babies tra la la, I will still always want one).

YANBU unreasonable. I have 2 DDs. One is very little but the other won't let me near her hair, refuses to go to dancing but likes Ben 10 and getting dirty! When he's born you won't imagine him being anything other than the gorgeous boy he is.

YANBU at all. DS1 is a boy and like many on here I was convinced that my second child was going to be a girl as the pregnancy was completely different. Also I did, if I'm honest, think I wanted a girl. We weren't going to find out the sex but then DH insisted we did when I started refusing to think of any boys' names and picked out a girl's name. I'm glad we did find out but I must admit that when we were told we were having another boy, my gut reaction was to burst into tears (poor sonographer looked v awkward and embarrassed like it was her fault she'd told me the wrong sex!). It was just such a shock to find out I was having another boy as I could only see myself having one of each.

It took me a long time to come to terms with it and I have to admit that I do feel a little pang of envy when my friends with boys find out they're having girls as their second or third dc. DH and I are definitely only having 2 children so this really is it for us.

As soon as DS2 arrived in the world I just fell in love with him and all the negative feelings went away, I just thought he was fab. I think part of the reason I wanted a girl second time was because DS1 is just so lovely and I wanted him to be special by being our only boy. I didn't want another boy to make comparisons with, esp in the event that DS2 was 'better' in some way than DS1. But the boys are so different and they have their own little personalities so I don't feel that I just have 'two boys'; I feel like I have two children, and there's a big difference IYSWIM. I am a bit sad to think I'll never have a girl but plenty of my friends who aren't girly girls themselves are more than happy for me to do hair plaiting and all that girly stuff with their daughters, so I get to do that kind of thing without the responsibility of worrying about grotty girly things like periods and such like.

I'm really glad we found out the sex, DH's rationale was that if I got my heart set on a girl and it wasn't, that he didn't want there to be any feelings of disappointment at the moment of DC2's birth, even if it just crossed my mind for a split second that he wasn't what I wanted.

Congratulations - I promise you that your DH's feelings will disappear as soon as your first contraction starts!!

I was expecting a chorus of disapproval when I clicked on this thread but it's good to see everyone being supportive. YANBU. It's natural to have hopes one way or the other, but as one of the very early respondents said, once you hold your son in your arms you won't care he's not a girl.

Also - flowerymummy: I'm sorry your ex treated you and his children like that. It's his loss.

Thank-you all so much. Many intersting thoughts.

I think I am very defensive of boys and find it so hard to hear people saying "Girls are easier etc, I expect you want a girl". When you hear it every day it gets to you.

I also really worry about the whole wedding thing, my children having children etc etc. Boys mums seem less involved etc.

Also agree with poster who said "that rarely do people seem sad about having girls - boys are incredibly undervaled in today's society"

Flowermummy - that is so terrible, can't believe that!

I can't imagine my boys at 14.....what do mums do with boys at that age???? I want to be as close to my baby boy as I am now!

Lastly I think a nice interesting name would help to really bond and make the baby seem real, good idea thank-you. Girls always seem to have the nicest names!

I really am looking forward to my baby and I know in my heart your are all right, I will love him from the top of his head to the smallest toe!

YANBU to feel a bit sad - we had a similar thing and I did get my hopes up for a little girl. Boys are great though, they will love you so much.

DS2 has been invited to a little girl's birthday party - that's when I get to go into the pink section of the shops

It's normal to want to experience parenting both genders. It's not a crime to want that.

My ds and my dd are two such very different creatures. I'm not sure it's just down to gender though.

I'm expecting another ds in four weeks. I too was upset when I found out because I thought another boy would mean as much of a challenge as I've found ds1 to be. He's so stroppy and objectionable 90% of the time.

They're all different (I hope!) and they all change and I guess that's what we learn to appreciate as time goes on.

Sally, OK, I can answer some of your posts

I moved 150 miles to be with DH, he is the one who sees his parents every week, not me.

There are some amazing boys names, just be creative. Have been loving Cassius, Alexander and Spawnchorus's birth announcement today sprung the wonderful Soloman on me, how fab? I have no plans for another btw!

I am channelling Peggy Mitchell, they will live with me forever, even if they don't I will love the women/men they choose to spend their lives with because they will have impeccable taste, obviously

All the very best and huge congrats, it is lovely having 2 boys. I tell my boys this every day. Yesterday my DS2 (3.5) drew my face on a paper plate, I said he'd drawn a big smile, he said that was because I was so happy to have two lovely boys
I do say it a lot!

My dh was expecting a boy this time after dd1 and dd2 popped out. Now he keeps reminding me that I'm one of three siblings myself and that I said I wanted three children. I know he's got his heart set on that son one day and it would break my heart if we had another girl and he was disappointed.

It's a very common problem unfortunately. The trouble is the anticipation of finding out. You inevitably settle on one sex but you've only got a 50/50 chance of being right!

Anyway, same sex siblings have more in common and can play the same games, etc. They'll be grateful for each other when they're older.

In my experience different sexes fight like hell!

Oh you are not being unreasonable at all. Your feelings are your feelings. I don't really agree that its better to wait for this reason....you have the time to deal with how your feeling and your post is part of that process. There are people who feel a chink of disappointment at the sex of their baby. I sort of wanted my first baby to be a boy but she was not and although I was overjoyed instantly and bonded right away with her as a person not a gender, it did still take a few days to let go of my images of a gorgeous little rascal boy! This was a mild feeling for me but I'd imagine if people did have a stronger feeling (especially perhaps with a second child) this might manifest as a disappointment and who wants to feel this on the birth of a child, however quickly it passes for most people.

We did find out 2nd time round and bizarrely I found myself wishing for another girl and got a gorqeous little rascal boy and I can get another 10 of them!

I have two dds and for what its worth ballet lessons and all that stuff costs a blooming fortune. DD1 has dance lessons and also a private lesson as I am told she is good at it - however, lessons every week, tap shoes, ballet shoes and now competitions and shows are going to skint me in October and she's only four!! Too young to tell with dd2 as she is only 13 mths. There are a couple of boys in her class too - and they love it!

I had no preference either time although I did want dd1 to have a sister, but it wouldn't have mattered either way to me.

I think its ok to be a little disappointed, but you shouldn't dwell on it too much as it could become an issue. Once baby is born, you will fall in love with him!

Good Luck

Buying rugby kit costs a fortune too.

I fully understand your feelings. We are expecting DS2 and I know we will love him to bits however we would love to have a daughter too. It doesn't seem many women tend to have 2 boys then a girl do they?? It seems women have 3 of one sex more often???

Anyone know if this is true??

I don't think so. 50/50 every time. Don't have another one though unless you actually want another boy (I have 3 boys)

Some people do say that once you've had 2 of one sex your chances of having another sex lessen. I do know a few people with 3 of 1 sex and the 4th is the other sex.

Heard (on Wright Stuff) that once you have one sex are 75% likely to have same again. (I have 3 girls). FWIW DD1 screams & fights whenever I do her hair.

my hv told me that by the time you have had two the same sex by the third its over 80% to be same again.
With you on the hair thing! and i had been so looking forward to her hair growing long enough to put into bunches..
oh well better luck with dd2 i hope

The baby will be born and you will love him soon enough.

Boys are great, just as great as girls, and after a while you realise that.

TALLULAHBELLEOFTHEBALLROOM No apparently not!

"Even though it seems as if some force must be at work to cause the birth of many boys or girls in a row, the explanation is simply the near equal odds of having a boy or a girl at each birth, which is not influenced by the gender of previous children."

see www.in-gender.com/cs/blogs/gender_selection_news/pages/Family-All-Boys-All-Girls-Odds.aspx

Even if they don't style their haIr, they'll be great