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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit sad after my scan today.

402 replies

sally78 · 25/09/2009 13:20

We have a lovely DS but he is very hard work.

This pregnancy has been so so so different and DH had his heart set on a girl........we are having another boy.

We are so lucky to be having a healthy baby and I am sure DH will get over it. The thing is everyone keeps saying "oh I bet you would love a girl, oh it must be you have been so ill, your so much rounder this time" etc etc etc.

I do feel a bit sad, I keep thinking about ballet classes and doing hair for school etc and a little like I'm missing out

Its terrible to feel like this I know I am BU.

OP posts:
Vinomum · 27/09/2009 19:21

I couldn't disagree more with posters who have said girls are better than boys. Girls can be bitchy and petty - boys are so much more straightforward, you don't get tears and flouncing and mood swings; you know where you stand with boys, they won't go off and sulk for days on end, and if they're pissed off about something they won't sit and brood about it for ages like girls do (and the reason I know they do this is because I am a girl and I do this!). All this IMO makes for a much happier, easy-going household. And being the only woman in a house full of men is a definite plus - you get spoilt rotten!!

Jude68 · 27/09/2009 19:25

She's not being unreasonable though. What is wrong with mourning something you'll never have (assuming the OP doesn't try again)? I think it's a normal emotion as long as it is fleeting and over once the baby has arrived.

Jude68 · 27/09/2009 19:29

Vinomum, I agree girls/women probably are more difficult to parent but I'd rather have the sulks/bitching/strops that go with a daughter than a "straightforward" son who doesn't communicate his feelings and once they meet their future wife, fucks off to be with her family at every public holiday.
A daughter is a daughter all of her life but a son is a son until he finds a wife..."
Still as true today as it ever was.

Kayzr · 27/09/2009 19:29

I agree with what many posters have said that girls=pink doesn't happen. When I was growing up if you had suggested ballet or anything pink I would have looked at you like you were an alien. I hated pink and anything girly. Give me a bike/skateboard any day.

Kayzr · 27/09/2009 19:33

Jude that is rubbish!!! How do you know your dds won't bugger off every public holiday to her inlaws?

Original poster
sally78 · 27/09/2009 19:50

Jude, your making me cry now! "A daughter is a daughter all of her life but a son is a son until he finds a wife..."
Still as true today as it ever was. " That's the part I really find hard!

We went out today and EVERYWHERE I looked were families with little girls! But!!! I had the nicest day with my fab cute boy.

I think I am going to find other peoples thoughts about us 'needing a girl next' harder than I thought.

OP posts:
bodeniites · 27/09/2009 19:56

lol at being in the obly woman in a house full of menbeing spoiled when does this start? they are 18 and 16 now saying that i wouldnt swap them for girls they are lovely the way they are

Kayzr · 27/09/2009 19:57

Sally just ignore that from Jude. It is a load of rubbish!!! Providing you are a nice MIL they will split their time between yours and their in laws.

brimfull · 27/09/2009 20:00

I would love another boy

they are sooo lovely

I have one of each

would love to have another of any sex tbh but sadly am too decrepit not

mum23monkeys · 27/09/2009 20:03

sally78 - you must ignore Jude. She's not helping, and seems to be talking out of her rear end, I'm afraid.

When your dc are children it will make only superficial difference if they are boys or girls. I simply don't buy into the 'girls talk about feelings, boys talk about sci-fi (ie crap) nonsense. My 2 ds's are chalk and cheese - one in tune with emotions, one not so.

And when they are older and leaving home, if they stay close to their parents it is because they have a good relationship with them. Gender stereotypes are just that - stereotypes.

And because other people seem to think that their personal experiences constitute general rules, then my experience is that my mil is much closer to us (her ds, me and our dc) than her own dd with whom she's always had a fiery relationship.

Your ds's are yours, and the only thing you could legitamately feel you are missing is the chance to experience the other sex. It will make no difference to the relationship you have with your children.

chickbean · 27/09/2009 20:25

You tend to hear about awful MIL/DIL relationships on MN but we just have to hope that we get nice ones - like I have with my MIL. I love my MIL. Both she and my mum were staying with us when I had DS1 and she came to stay soon after we had DS2. We make sure that we take her on holiday with us every year and would see much more of her if she didn't look after our nephews at least 2 days every week.

cory · 27/09/2009 20:31

whatever sex your dc had turned out to be, what you would have found yourself landed with in the end would be an individual, not an archetype

my son is not particularly straightforward, will brood for days, very good at tears and flouncing

my daughter is not bitchy or mamipulative- but she used to pack a hefty punch

no certainties in this life

jellybeans · 27/09/2009 20:50

Sally78, don't listen to Jude!! She can't really make an informed comment as she does not have her own boys! I also find it abit odd to say your step kids bore you, poor boys!!I speak from experience as I was previously abit like that although never directly to others!!Having my own I saw what I was 'missing' by not really having much interest in boys then. Boys are so funny and cute and straightforward. Hopefully she will have wonderful grandsons!!

I also don't believe that phrase. I know loads of sons close to their mums after marriage, and loads of girls who don't bother, the key is being nice to DIL/BIL!! Anyway letting go is not such a bad thing!!

Two of the same gender is fab, my boys have so much fun together as do my girls.

NotanOtter · 27/09/2009 20:55

jude it is bolllocks anyway

in the old peoples home where my nanny was i asked the old ladies who they had felt more looked after by - sons or daughters

they ALL said sons

so 'hey' these non- speaking automatons may come good

JUDE didn't you pro create with one???

chegirl · 27/09/2009 21:02

I have this vision of myself like the modern Minnie Kray surrounded by my strapping (but obviously not criminal) East End boys! They areg all going to be over 6' so at least I wont get mugged going to pick up me pension

Having a longing for another girl really doesnt mean I would be disapointed if DC is a boy. People wre really worried that I would be devastated that DC4 was a boy because he was my first child after losing DD but I of course I wasnt at all!

Jude68 · 27/09/2009 21:14

Hey all I'm saying is I personally find little boys boring. I love my step-sons and have a very good relationship with them but there is no getting away from the fact that when they start wittering on (as they frequently do) about the latest "cheats" and level they've got on in their PC games that I start drifting away with boredom. They are lovely lads, well-behaved and polite but I do not connect with them on many levels. My friend's 6 yr old daughter however is always talking about her friends, feelings, clothes, music and yes, I find I have more in common and can relate to little girls. That's why I'm glad I have 2 daughters. Already the eldest is proving to be a thoughful and interesting little person.

TheFallenMadonna · 27/09/2009 21:20

I'm finding you a little daft. Just saying!

NotanOtter · 27/09/2009 21:23

doh Jude

My boys do not HAVE pc or tv BUT THEY DO HAVE FEELINGS

whoops sorry to shout...

or am I ??????

to the power of 1000000

TheFallenMadonna · 27/09/2009 21:25

Is your DH thoughtful and interesting Jude?

jellybeans · 27/09/2009 21:25

judeWould you find it offensive if a group of men were saying that girls were not as good/interesting/fun? If you had your own boys, I bet you would find them just as 'interesting'. Girls at certainly very interesting aged 11-14!! I am shocked when I hear some of DD friends. I bet your step sons pick up on your negativity about boys!! I bet also your DH is glad he has both his boys and his girls and doesn't find his DS boring!

DrNortherner · 27/09/2009 21:39

Jude how old were your step sons when you care into their life?

You sound like a twunt btw.

Jude68 · 27/09/2009 21:44

They were 3.5 yrs and 7 yrs old. For the record, my DH finds his sons conversations quite boring. He isn't irritated by it cos he's been a little boy himself. I haven't.

NotanOtter · 27/09/2009 21:46

my little boys have the ability to take my breath away with their feelings and words

i think maybe it is your dp's genes

unlucky

MarshaBrady · 27/09/2009 21:46

Geez the last thing I find with my 4 year old ds is that his conversations are boring.

No way.

Sad that you all feel that way.

lovechoc · 27/09/2009 21:48

thank goodness there is always a higher percentage of boys born into the world than girls. boys rule!!!!

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