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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit sad after my scan today.

402 replies

sally78 · 25/09/2009 13:20

We have a lovely DS but he is very hard work.

This pregnancy has been so so so different and DH had his heart set on a girl........we are having another boy.

We are so lucky to be having a healthy baby and I am sure DH will get over it. The thing is everyone keeps saying "oh I bet you would love a girl, oh it must be you have been so ill, your so much rounder this time" etc etc etc.

I do feel a bit sad, I keep thinking about ballet classes and doing hair for school etc and a little like I'm missing out

Its terrible to feel like this I know I am BU.

OP posts:
lynniep · 25/09/2009 15:04

YANBU and the feelings will most likely fade once you get used to the idea. This is why I found out. Better that than be disappointed at the birth. I was disappointed at first to find out I'm having another DS - now I'm really looking forward to it.
Whilst its painful for people who have had difficulties ttc and other horrendous things that have happened to them, hear you stating this preference, these are your feelings and you are being honest about them. You can't help how you feel, but you can deal with it - which you are - hence the posting.

BTW DS has been hard work too (although he's been way easier since hitting 2) and I'm praying that DS2 won't be quite so stressfull - but as other posters say I dont necessarily think its gender dependant

PrincessToadstool · 25/09/2009 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iggypiggy · 25/09/2009 15:12

well I guess I can understand it a bit - but I think YABU a bit...

I would give anything to be having a scan and a healthy baby

Sorry - you catch me on a bad day.... I have no children, have had one miscarriage and am still trying to get PG again - has now been 5 months since my MC and am v. miserable. Not having a go - just feeling jealous... You are allowed to feel however you like.

Lerato · 25/09/2009 16:22

I felt like you too. I honestly thought that I didn't care either way about the gender of dc2. However I felt disappointed when I found out that it was likely to be another girl. I was shocked to feel like that. It didn't last long though.

DoNotPressTheRedButton · 25/09/2009 16:25

YANBU

you don't choose how you react- only how you respond to that.

I have 4 boys and although I alrgely think that's best for me (not girls!), I do think occasionally about brownies / dancing / all the things I did and cannot pass on.

I found that naming the babies after finding out helped immensely with bonding, and just give yourself time to get used to it- all boy famillies are fab.

Jojay · 25/09/2009 16:27

These threads make me so sad - before I even opened it, I just knew that the OP would have found out she was having a boy.

People hardly ever start these sorts of threads about having girls.

Children are individuals, not a series of gender stereotypes.

OP, I'm sorry you feel this way and I'm sure it will pass. You'll love your new baby boy so much.

TheHeadbangingWombat · 25/09/2009 16:31

YANBU. It's ok to have a preference and the feeling will pass in time.

I'm ttc,have fertility issues and while I'd be thrilled with either I still have a preference.I'm hoping for a boy.

Ripeberry · 25/09/2009 16:32

I've got two girls and in no way are they into ballet and having their hair done! Real tomboys.
Just love the new child for who he or she is.
If you have two boys then at least you only have to vet what girlfriends they will have.
With girls its worse as you'll have to vet the boyfriends .
Not looking forward to that.

DoNotPressTheRedButton · 25/09/2009 16:34

Ripe you'remaking assumptions aren't you - fairly sure ds1 is gay so boyfriends anyway!.

BrigitBigKnickers · 25/09/2009 16:38

First of all Congratulations.

Secondly the novelty of having little girl's hair to brush into cute pigtails (when they finally get enough hair to put them in) soon wears off.

Struggling with a screaming toddler who acts like you're weilding a machete (as opposed to a brush)gets very tiresome after about- oooh a week!

Many a time I had thought my life in the mornings would be SOOOOO much easier without having to do hair (and I have 2 DDs) and was tempted on many occasions to get the clippers out when they were asleep!

slowreadingprogress · 25/09/2009 17:15

Agree with Jojay's post.

StableButDeluded · 25/09/2009 17:16

YANBU, just a bit irrational, which is perfectly normal I think. We both thought we'd like a little girl, and I thought it was really odd that I even had a preference since our baby was IVF so we were amazingly lucky to be having any baby at all. When they said it was a boy, I think we both felt a bit sad, then guilty about feeling sad.

But I soon got used to the idea & when we finally thought of a name for him, I really started to think of him as a real little boy, not just a vague 'it'

I'm not sad at all that we don't have a girl, I couldn't love my DS any more if I tried. So much so, that when we toyed with the idea of trying IVF again, I actually thought I'd love to have another boy! So much for wanting a girl.

I don't think I would have found out the sex a second time round, because my experience taught me that it really didn't matter at the end of the day, I would love it just the same whatever.

Now I just get sad sometimes that there won't be another baby of either sex (sigh)

Sunshine78 · 25/09/2009 17:26

I have 1 of each boys r easier:

Jeans r jeans where as with boys they have bits on which mean dont go with all tops

Doing the hair is a pain as they dont want it done

when swimming quick to pull on trunks always takes me several attempts to get swim suit on a girl

If u have 1 of each its double the toys

I'm not saying I dont love having 1 of each but I think everyone now adays gets so hung up on how girls are best and that just isn't the case all dc are the best

Lizzylou · 25/09/2009 17:30

YANBU, I felt the same after DS2 arrived (although I had guessed I was having another boy), not because I didn't love him, just because I'd always envisaged having 1 of each.
I do look longingly at little girls and pink stuff, despite never having been a girly girl, but my boy gang is fab and they are the best of friends, despite being very different.
It is cheaper and easier with same sex siblings (esp as mine are both born in the same month 2 years apart, all the clothes fit etc!).

onemoretimetoday · 25/09/2009 17:31

I understand where you are coming from but it's very easy to have a fantasy about what a little girl will be like and what you'll do with her but the reality may be very different.

I have a DD and a DS. My DD is my youngest and there's not a hope in this land of getting her to ballet lessons, she goes to football like her brother.

My dreams of pretty hairslides and ribbons have disappeared as she'll only wear her hair in 2 very tight plaits tied with completely plain, non pink, elastics. On the odd occasion I get her to wear a dress or skirt she'll take the earliest opportunity to change back into trousers.

She loves dressing up but only as spiderman, a power ranger, a transformer and Buzz Lightyear. The princess costumes I bought in hope sit unused at the bottom of the dressing up box.

She does have a few girlie ways, she'll notice if I'm wearing something new and she'll say I look nice, or horrible but what i'm trying to say, is don't mourn what you don't have because it may not have turned out as you'd have imagined any way.

There are so many great things about having boys and you'll get double the joy

AliGrylls · 25/09/2009 17:32

YANBU. The difference is how you feel about it when he comes out.

I am sure you won't be disappointed / sad when you actually see him in all his cuteness for the first time.

Plonker · 25/09/2009 17:34

YANBU - you can't help the way you feel.

I have 3 beautiful dd's and I only ever really wanted girls, but I did feel a little sad when I found out that dd3 was a girl. I wasn't sad that she was a girl, I was just sad that I wouldn't have the experience of raising a boy.

Totally selfish reason I know, but the good news is, the sadness only lasted about a day!
When I watched dd1 running around, and dd2 (who is v tomboyish) digging for worms in the garden, I realised, sharpish, that I love my children with all my heart and gender just doesn't come into that

You won't always feel like this - but it's good that you've said it, because now you can just put it behind you and get ready to enjoy your gorgeous boys!!

Congratulations

LynetteScavo · 25/09/2009 17:34

Sally....my DS1 was (is!) a handfull!

DS2 is nothing like him; he's not atall hard work, (well no more than any child), so don't worry too much about that.

After 2 boys I finally had a girl.

Yey! I thought ballet lessons! DD had other ideas, I finally gave up on ballet, partly to save me the embarassment of when DD was ejected mid lesson for stomping around in the wrong direction, adn generally playing up.She will not wear skirts or dresses, and pleads to have her hair shaved off like a boy she went to nursery with. I know I'm going to spend the forseable future trying to pursuade her dresses are fab, and Ben10 really isn't that cool!

Persephoponce · 25/09/2009 17:34

Totally agree - the 'fantasy' is just that.

My boy is sensitive, loves art and animals, hates football and rough play.

My girl is only a baby, so no telling yet what she'll be like, but judging by my boy letting Dh down in the footie stakes , I won't be holding my breath for ballet, ponies and pink ribbons with my little girl...

CNyle · 25/09/2009 18:38

god no boys are fab
and easier to haev two matching imo

cory · 25/09/2009 18:41

can't you enroll your little boy for ballet classes? mine goes
and he has lovely long blond hair

Kayzr · 25/09/2009 18:41

I have 2 boys. With DS1 I really wanted a boy and I was scared I'd be disappointed if I was having a girl. With DS2 I wanted a girl and again I was worried about being disappointed but as soon as she said we were having a boy I was over the moon.

We want to have DC3 and again I hope for a girl but I think I have realised that it doesn't really matter what sex they are!

traceybath · 25/09/2009 18:48

YANBU

DS1 a delightful handful.

DS2 the most laidback, well behaved baby/toddler ever.

And then a complete surprise baby girl who is also wonderful.

I must say I always felt a little defensive having two boys and part of me did feel a little sad that I'd never have a girl. Largely I'm sure to the fear that I'd be sidelined as I got older by evil daughter in laws ;)

Also agree with poster who said that rarely do people seem sad about having girls - boys are incredibly undervaled in today's society in my opinion but thats one of my pet peeves.

I also think its good you've found out now as you've plenty of time to come to terms with it.

ReneRusso · 25/09/2009 18:59

Ahh, YANBU, but you've got time to get used to the idea and get over your disappointment. And it will actually be a blessing as your 2 DSs will be great play mates and so you have much more peace and quiet to look forward in the future.

scaryteacher · 25/09/2009 19:01

I wanted a girl and found out I was having a boy a week before I had him.

He is 14 next month, and I wouldn't swap him for the world. He is intelligent, funny, bolshy and fab. I don't have to do periods, hair straighteners, you are NOT going out looking like that, or put up with all the bitching that girls can produce.

If I had another (and I won't) I'd plump for another boy if he was like mine.