to want 8 year boys to get changed in the MALE changing room?

[ParisFrog]

I got to a small gym. Several times a woman has brought 3 lads (aged 8 - 10) into the women's changing room for them to get changed. AIBU for this to really annoy me?

The boys have just finished karate - surely they are old enough to get changed by themselves in the men's? She doesn't physically change their clothes for them - just sits there whilst they get changed (and also climb over the lockers and generally wander around the room)

FYI - The changing rooms are small with no cubicles. I can't get there earlier (I work) or later (I'll miss my training) to get changed.

She isn't the only women to do this - another brings in her 2 younger boys (about 5 I guess) just for them to put their shoes on!

Am thinking of complaining to the reception - would you?

Widow the use of the word "trusted" in your post is misleading

it isn't a simple matter of some boys' mothers trusting them and others not - that implies that the only differences are between the mothers involved and not the boys.

I would "trust" ds1` to add up a shopping list or design a maze or name all the planets in order - more than I would trust myself to do it

I would not however "trust" him to change and sort himself out in the male changing rooms without an adult - because I know him, I understand him and I know that he is not ready or capable yet

but that is not "mistrust" on my part - which sounds and is perjorative. I don't think it is a problem that he isn;t ready for some independent living skills yet - it's who and where he is. I wouldn't expect him to do it, because I know he isn't there yet, and I'm happy to continue supporting him until he is ready. Nothing to do with trust.

hides thread, glad rl isn't as odd as mn

Yes BOF I have

and I find your position surprising

I'm quite pissed off now actually, but I'll just assume you have just read a few posts and taken it out of context. I don't think I need a lecture on what kind of human beings different people are etc, like I'm some kind of fascist moron.

dolly - if it's not a SN child you should be able to trust him to not wander off into the pool unsupervised, if told not to.

And I find the idea that it teaches valuable life skills funny - would you send your daughter with her dad into the men's changing room, so she can acquire equal skills?

Greensleeves - a SN child is different, but others already have suggested the disabled area. What's wrong with using it?

...and he might be run over by that hypothetical bus tomorrow, dolly....we've already covered the traumatic what-ifs ad infinitum on this thread.

So, our female children are just going to have to put up with gawping males from an early age then? Mind you, at least when our daughters ask us why there are boys in the having their cottonwool socks put on by their mummies, we can forewarn them of things to come (re: MIL threads, Mummy's boy stories etc ad nauseum....)

I am actually talking here from the point of view of a mother of an 8 year old girl. I would not want her in the women's changing room on her own if I was not there. She would go in the mens with her Dad.

My dd has no special needs but I know her not to be capable yet of being in a changing room on her own to sort herself out as Greeny puts it.

rofl at my ds(8) gawping at girls. lordy

perhaps we need family changing areas. luckily out pool already has this.

So does ours.

Widow, I don't see the world - or children - as being divided into SN and NT people. And if there were a "disabled area" I'm not sure I would find it necessary to use it with a child who has no physical difficulties requiring special facilities - I would rather leave it for those who do need it

BOF I have read the trhead and I don't retract anything I've said - I agree that with a child who has additional needs you shouldn't need lecturing about perception, but I responded to what I read on the thread and I stand by it.

I'm pissed off too actually - I'm glad I don't encounter attitudes like the ones on this thread IRL very often.

the post about boys having their cotton wool socks put on by their mummmies is just rude and ignorant.

Some children might need help putting their socks on at 8 (not my ds as it happens) - it doesn't sit easily with me that people have this weird dualist attitude that it's OK if the child Has Special Needs but utterly despicable if there is no piece of paper detailing why the child has progressed at a different rate from some others in some respects.

I'm just off to the Gents to change into my brown shirt then- see you on the rest of the boards when we may be in better humour

< goggles with beady eyes >

"brown shirt" lol, nothing like a bit of passive aggression to oil the wheels

Even parents with children with SN can be guilty of making assumptions and being intolerant. You should reread the thread yourself perhaps.

I would be very grateful of someone could give me a piece of paper telling me shy dd is such a dreamboat!

Unfortunatley I put it down to the fact she doesn't live in this world most of the time but a world of dancing and imagination!!!!

I'm just having a cuppa now, fancy one Greeny with a dash of something in it!

I would have no problem with DD going into mens changing room with DH, so long as modesty prevails (for all concerned).

Passive aggression/attempt to use friendly humour to lighten the mood, take your pick...

ooh, yes please sodor - someone gave me a cup of coffee with Baileys in it the other day, one of those would go down very nicely about now!!

fair enough BOF, I can be a bit humourless where pig ignorant discrimination is concerned

I find parts of the thread to be in particularly poor taste given how incredibly difficult it is to obtain a dx/any support for a child who has SN of one kind or another

there are lots and lots of families out there who haven't got a piece of paper giving them the social permission to accommodate their child's differences that you lot seem to require - they are just responding their children as individuals and doing what they feel is best for them. No need for sneering and intolerance and blunt-instrument comparisons with "normal" children who can fly around the world at 8 without suffering ill effects (which I doubt is entirely the case, incidentally).

I might possibly be jumping into a hot tub of water here, but am genuinely curious and not meaning to offend anyone.

If your child (SN or not) does a sport that does not necessarily require getting changed afterwards (i.e. not swimming because you're wet but for example karate where you're bone dry at the end) and someone complained that you were bringing them into the female changing room, what would you do?

Would you respect the wishes of this woman (or girl, because a LOT of young girls use the changing rooms at my gym, especially after dance class)? Or would you carry on because you put the safety of your DS first?

A lot of people have said that gyms have a policy of 7 or 8+...would you ignore this policy?

Please bear in mind I'm talking about a private gym not a public pool

I don't understand your meaning, what is passive aggression anyway?

i just felt that Greeny was getting a bit worked up and upset by the way this thread was going and felt she needed a virtual cuppa in the best unhuggy mumsnet tradition.

I really would depend.

I do agre that a 10 year old (such as was detailed in the OP) is too old to be amongst other girls/women changing but an 8 year old is on that borderline of some will be ready, some won't.

So if someone complained I would make my feelings known and if the gym stood firm I would ask for a rfund on any remainder classes or if it was a payg, take my custom elsewhere.

I'm in Italy and take both children to swimming lessons. Dd and ds. Last year, our first year, I asked if it was ok if I took ds (then 6) with us in the female changing rooms. Of course it was ok. No one bats an eye lid. Thank goodness!

I think Greeny was accusing me of passive-aggression, islandofsodor, after proto-fascism and before pig ignorance. Hope that clears that one up.