to want 8 year boys to get changed in the MALE changing room?

[ParisFrog]

I got to a small gym. Several times a woman has brought 3 lads (aged 8 - 10) into the women's changing room for them to get changed. AIBU for this to really annoy me?

The boys have just finished karate - surely they are old enough to get changed by themselves in the men's? She doesn't physically change their clothes for them - just sits there whilst they get changed (and also climb over the lockers and generally wander around the room)

FYI - The changing rooms are small with no cubicles. I can't get there earlier (I work) or later (I'll miss my training) to get changed.

She isn't the only women to do this - another brings in her 2 younger boys (about 5 I guess) just for them to put their shoes on!

Am thinking of complaining to the reception - would you?

My co-workers and I were discussing this and use the same ID. I was not looking at the dates.

YABU, it wouldn't bother me but I have 9 YO boys who are pretty innocent so am not scared by boys (some SMOGS tend to be!) My boys started going in the mens/boys alone about 8.5 years but I am lucky being twins they go together. I felt they were the right age though. Since they were about 5 though, some SMOG types tutted or tried to make me feel bad for taking them in the ladies to change. I refused to feel bad and ignored them. It's usually those who don't have boys or are lucky enough to have a partner around to take them in the mens. The reason the age is usually 8/9 is that a child of that age could access the pool and drown if unsupervised before lessons apparantly.

The lady's rooms where I have been here often have more privacy than the men, changing stalls and curtains in the showers while the men do not. So they are probably better off at that age with mom.

"I wonder if most of the people complaining about boys in the change rooms are mums of just girls?"

Mum of 2 girls and 2 boys here. Boys of 8 plus shouldn't be in women's changing rooms for the benefit of both the boys and girls. Totally inappropriate and over protecting by mothers imo.

Also comment implies boys feelings and their mums matter more than the feelings of the girls.

I have breasts and my girls had by 10. I wouldn't expect to change somewhere where men can see me naked/semi naked. I also wouldn't expect my girls to put up with this either.

And my boys were well behaved so it wasn't realistic possibility that they might run out of the mens changing rooms into the pool and drown. If you can't trust your 8 year old to go in and get changed and come out again, you are doing something wrong as a parent.

Yes your DS will probably take longer to dry and dress than if you were there, but thats not a good enough reason to make other people uncomfortable.

YABU for starting a thread about 8 year old boys and changing rooms. This has been done to death!

This thread is just over 2 years old so perhaps it wasn't done to death at the time??

Whoever resurrected it is being unreasonable then worra.

'"I wonder if most of the people complaining about boys in the change rooms are mums of just girls?"'

On the whole the ones who gave me funny looks were (SMOGS for sure). Still, just ignore them as long as your kids are under the age of the club. In mine, you HAD to have them with you until 8 - 9. Pools safety rules.

And also there were cubicles in the girls, so even if my DS were these scary perv mini men that people fear (so far from it) they would see nothing, just people in swimwear-same as what they would see at the poolside.

my DS 8 . 9 IN LESS THEN A WEEK ,
sorry to say this day and age there is no way i would let my son go it alone in a males changing room at the moment i dont let him go to the males public toilets , if it means he as to come with me to the females one till he,s 16 so be it :)

It also means that men cannot take their daughters to any classes their

Their have been noted cases in supermarkets were mums have allowed boys to o into male loos only to be assaulted by predators

They don't have cubicles like the ladies

All change rooms should be family rooms with cubicles. Unisex. that would solve the probs. I go to a pool with this and it is so much better than the silly male/female. As has been said, the boys don't have cubicles in many pools. I really am skeptical though that boys of 8/9 ogle at women. i know mine certainly wouldn't-they are nowhere near that stage.

To all the mothers of 8 year olds on this thread saying they won't let their sons in to the mens alone Surely not! An eight yr old is capable of many things and should be learning about growing up to be a responsible man. Now that my DS1 is 8 he has to go in to the mens at the pool and be responsible about changing and looking after his stuff. He enjoys this shift in responsibility and has responded well to it. He was given a stern and serious talk about safety and what to do in response to any one of many situations. And definitely no dawdling.

And this isn't just because of the rules at the pool. This is also out of respect for the girls from his class/school who also use the pool at that time. Imagine the awful embarassment and discomfort of having to change together at this age when they start becoming aware of these things.

' But as the boys were getting changed by themselves with no help from the woman I assumed they'd be capable of doing it in the men's.'

Depends on the child then, generally it's fine and ds2 would not even consider going into female changing if i begged him (10) but ds1 can dress, looks NT and might well cause someone damage if left alone; indeed we are not allowed to leave him alone. he's 11.5 now though so would not take him in female, maybe make him change in toilets.

DS3 is 8 but most people can pick up on his SN.

Family rooms would make life so much easier!

Mine, at the boy's primary they change with the girls until they leave at 11.

DS1 now gets his own changing area- so much easier (OK so it's an SN quiet room but at bloody last!)

Hahaha at these old threads being revised, I was liking some old poster's username and just realised it's one I have buried somewhere as the posts are by me! LMAO

Off to namechange

"But people are going to freak if you take a teenager (even a young one) of the opposite sex into a changing room where people are walking around naked." Let's hope none of them ever visit Berlin then - all clothing including swimsuits/ trunks etc is verboten in communal spas, saunas etc over there. Imagine my surprise on joining a gym a few weeks after arriving in Berlin (heaven forfend that you don't wear flip-flops though - that would be a terrible faux-pas!) As a previously slightly prudish Brit I found it hard to get used to, but eventually realised that in fact the East German attitude is much healthier - they don't seem to have any of the hang ups that we do (see this thread) or obsession with paedophiles! Perhaps that's why I don't find it completely horrifying to think of an 8-year-old boy in the ladies' changing rooms or an 8-year-old girl in the men's. I will join with all those who say hurray for family changing rooms which remove the dilemma for all concerned.

I wouldn't be comfortable in Berlin as you describe it. I am biased and admit I would not rejoice at moms bringing their 8 year old sons with them into the ladies' but if they are behaved I would be sympathetic. When I was a girl their were no family rooms and I accompanied either my dad or older brother to the men's up about 9, and no one gave it a second thought. But people did not "walk around naked", they were only naked long enough to change or shower.

My 5yo son is being investigated for Aspergers. At the moment he has no concept of stranger danger - he will happily chat away to a complete stranger as if they were his best friend and has no awareness of social situations or levels of danger, however much I parent him. I honestly dont think he will be much different at the age of 8, and so will be keeping him with me in the female change for as long as I can. There are separate cubicles there, and it would be much safer for all.

From the outside my son doesnt look SN, so I'm sure (as we have been already) we will be judged for many years to come.

A dad in your situation might be in a more difficult situation with a SN daughter because male change rooms don't have cubicles or dividers.

Well yes Esther but 'It's harder for someone else' does not take away the difficulty does it?

Five year olds turn into ten and fifteen year olds; an age comes where you know you will be in deep trouble if you take them into the ladies (with AS most children can cope by then but not all and I know that every time I send my boys in to the men's they are at risk and so are others), The visibly disabled community jumps on you if you use their toilets, or shopa ssistants refuse you the keys to their disabled toilets; in the end you give up. I gave up; the world is so poorly adapted for our needs and people so aggressive that apart from school I have agorpahobia now if unaccompanied, too many episodes of being judged sworn and shouted at.

Oh my good lord is this one still going? The other one (one of them) that Esther reactivated has been deleted, wonder why.

fraeks

No matter how you work it you will find yourself in an impossible position. Imagine say if a couple of middle aged men with special needs were in the women's changing room when someone sent their DD in to change?

Then you can have the dad with his adult (but special needs) daughter. Which changing room would he take her in?

The only solution that works is to have it completely communal and open plan so there is no hiding at all. Eventually people would get used to it (even if it was the next generation) and that would be that.

I think the best solution is open paln with cubicles tbh, Id' always use a cubicle- do in chanhging rooms- but Dh just does not care and our children are a mix. Family rooms are wonderful but take up sapce and there can never be enough.

I agree. Family rooms are a relatively new thing in most communities and not all of us have them, they are expensive.. When I was a kid I went with mom into the lady's or with dad or older brother into the men's. No cubicles, no curtains, and really no complaints. I think nudity doesn't necessarily have to equate with sex or embarrassment if people are civil.