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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want 8 year boys to get changed in the MALE changing room?

283 replies

ParisFrog · 23/09/2009 10:22

I got to a small gym. Several times a woman has brought 3 lads (aged 8 - 10) into the women's changing room for them to get changed. AIBU for this to really annoy me?

The boys have just finished karate - surely they are old enough to get changed by themselves in the men's? She doesn't physically change their clothes for them - just sits there whilst they get changed (and also climb over the lockers and generally wander around the room)

FYI - The changing rooms are small with no cubicles. I can't get there earlier (I work) or later (I'll miss my training) to get changed.

She isn't the only women to do this - another brings in her 2 younger boys (about 5 I guess) just for them to put their shoes on!

Am thinking of complaining to the reception - would you?

OP posts:
donkeyderby · 23/09/2009 21:33

Our small local pool has recently installed a disabled changing bed - in a female group changing area! It's hopeless when I go with DS (who is 13) as he is severely disabled and can't pick his own nose, let alone get changed for swimming. I can't take him in the men's because then I would have to get naked in front of a bunch of blokes. I can't take him in the women's because he would have to get changed in front of them. We end up squashed into the ladies loo, with my head pressed to his arse as I try to change him. Hopeless.

Hurrah for group changing areas and big family cubicles

islandofsodor · 23/09/2009 21:33

Well mine does struggle sometimes, sometimes she dreams or panics if she forgets whet she is supposed to be doing. At home I tell her to go upstairs to do something and she has forgotten what I told her by the time she gets there.

All children are differnet and as a paretn it is my judgment call as to when I am happy for my children to be unsupervised. For me, 8 us far too young.

Any place that objected to this would lose my custom.

DillyTantay · 23/09/2009 21:34

YANBU

BitOfFun · 23/09/2009 21:38

So if there was a sign up saying no over-8s opposite sex children in the changing rooms, would you not go there, islandofsodor?

TigerDrivesAgain · 23/09/2009 21:44

I started reading this but began to lose the will to live so my apologies if this has been done to death.

Obviously if a child or anyone else for that matter has SN which affect changing etc then different rules apply, but in general swimming pools etc have an 8+ rule. There aren't millions of wierdos out there, although obviously randomly there are some, and what has happened to COMMON SENSE? Children of 8 are perfectly capable of getting dressed themselves, going to the loo themselves and so on, and if bribed with the promise of sweets or crisps or whatever from the ubiquitous vending machines at swimming pools are quite capable of doing so quickly.

DillyTantay · 23/09/2009 21:45

its the Standard Mumsnet Dislcaimer

" what if they haev special needs"

you ALWAYS have to address that in your OP

arf

islandofsodor · 23/09/2009 21:49

Thats correct, I would not go there Bitoffun.

And they have no special needs.

Morloth · 23/09/2009 21:50

So? What is so awful about that? I suspect there is probably a higher ratio of Mums with kids with SN on Mumsnet then there is the general population because those mums possibly have more things they need to talk about with other mums and/or are more likely to come across Mumsnet searching the web for info on their kids SN.

Is it really so awful to think before you jump to conclusions about people? To take just a second to think that perhaps they have a reason for what they are doing?

Morloth · 23/09/2009 21:51

Sorry, my last post was directed at DillyTantay.

DillyTantay · 23/09/2009 21:52

no becuase its a predicatable detour in the arguemnt.

of COURSE if he had special needs that would be different.
I would hope no one woudl suggest differentyl.

deaddei · 23/09/2009 21:56

Hear hear seeker...basic life skills sums it up.

piscesmoon · 23/09/2009 22:21

' I struggle to understand why girls and women should be deprived of the reasonable expectation of some privacy because some parents can't cut the apron strings.

Hear, hear-I agree. If I go into a female public changing room I don't expect to have to change with boys over 8yrs. They may well be boys that I teach and I don't want to be seen in the nude!
I don't mind if they have SN and need help but it is utterly ridiculous to say they can't get changed and will lose things etc. I have taken whole classes swimming and they have had to do it on their own, extremely quickly and look after their stuff. They ALL manage it, if they know that no one is going to do it for them.
I don't believe it has anything to do with the physical changing-it is purely to do with people's paranoia about paedophiles. You can just about get away with it with 8 yr olds but sooner or later you have to let them get changed without you. You must all have very compliant boys-mine would really have put their foot down about going in the ladies.

seeker · 23/09/2009 22:31

I don't think it's a case of compliant boys - I think it's a case of boys who have been educated to think of the world as dangerous and other people as something to be feared and suspected.

I was in the market square of our small town a couple of days ago, and a child had wandered maybe 15 feet from her mother. She was scooped up and told not to wander off "because a nasty man might take you away"

piscesmoon · 23/09/2009 22:40

I must have done something right then! There is no way mine would have gone in the ladies at 8yrs-they would have told me quite logically that they weren't a girl! I don't think it would have occurred to them that there was anything to fear, but they would have known to make a fuss and noise if anyone did!

dogonpoints · 23/09/2009 22:51

yanbu

TrillianAstra · 23/09/2009 22:52

Well done pisces.

dogonpoints · 23/09/2009 22:53

just read the comment about a 6 yr old boy being horrified by strange hairy men in the male changing room. How odd

TrillianAstra · 23/09/2009 23:00

Strange hairy women are equally horrifying, n'est-ce pas?

piscesmoon · 23/09/2009 23:00

My DSs think that I am an overprotective mother-they have no idea!! I am obviously dangerously liberal! I simply refuse to bring them up to think that they are only safe if a few yards from mummy. I would rather equip them to deal with problems-I used to say what would you do if.....
A small gym changing room, in the daytime with lots of people coming in and out isn't dangerous. In the OP there were 3 boys-they couldn't all be attacked at once, so one of them could have nipped out and raised the alarm.(I dare say someone will bring up a case they have read about but it wouldn't be newsworthy to say xxxx thousands of children got changed today without incident). Statistically the danger isn't a stranger-it is someone known to the DC.

MadBadandCoveredinSequins · 23/09/2009 23:01

I'm with seeker, bucharest and piscesmoon on this one.

My daughter and I have, as has been said, a reasonable expectation of privacy in the changing room. She would be mortified if an 8 year old boy was there. And boys do gawp - maybe not with any sexual interest, but they gawp.

dogonpoints · 23/09/2009 23:03

indeed, trill

MaggieBeauLeo · 23/09/2009 23:13

I see both sides, but if I had any doubts, I'd just bring my son into the changine rooms with me. He's only 4 now mind you!! but my dd is 7 and I'd be nervous sending her off to a room to change without me there to supervise.

I'd happily suck up a few dirty looks if I had to (if the alternative was to send him into a changing room on his own if I had a bad feeling about it).

DoNotPressTheRedButton · 24/09/2009 08:11

'Agree with seeker. If a child of eight or older has special needs which mean they can't change alone, then all public facilities are supposed to have disabled changing rooms, so you would need to use those, as my 9yr-old dd's father does when out with her. If they don't have special needs, they should have the ability to get changed independently.'

Further down I posted detauils of an incident where ds1 was physically attacked for using a disabled room when not looking disabled.

Obv. he's a single individual but I would very much understand ih he said a big no, though i'd probably find another solution- atm it's not going to these places.

Obv. it's a bit of topic but still true to the spirit of the post in that if we look and see the assumption of an NT boy, our kids will folow suit and incidents like that will occur. If sometimes we make an effort to verbalise a 'I wonder if they might have SN' when our kids are jusdgemental (as they all are at times as they learn) thenaccess and generally the lives of those with invisible SN's might improve, with the knock on effect that we're not in the changng tooms / whatever

AS an aside there are times that similar ish threads have posted comments from people in whelchairs etc saying we should leave way for themn- so if we do feel alientated and defensive, it is perhaps understandable- we fir in nowhere it seems.

Bucharest · 24/09/2009 08:39

Applauds and whoops loudly at Seeker's post of 21:03 yesterday.

And, trite but true: Ships are safe in the harbour, but that's not what ships are for.....

fluffles · 24/09/2009 08:51

THREE 8-10 yr olds can definately go into the mens together. With instruction to all wait till the slowest is ready before coming out together.

I don't see why other posters are talking about one 8yr old on his own... that's not what the OP is about... and one 8yr old is much less intrusive in a ladies changing room than three (and less likely to be giggly about bums and boobs than three together).