to want 8 year boys to get changed in the MALE changing room?

[ParisFrog]

I got to a small gym. Several times a woman has brought 3 lads (aged 8 - 10) into the women's changing room for them to get changed. AIBU for this to really annoy me?

The boys have just finished karate - surely they are old enough to get changed by themselves in the men's? She doesn't physically change their clothes for them - just sits there whilst they get changed (and also climb over the lockers and generally wander around the room)

FYI - The changing rooms are small with no cubicles. I can't get there earlier (I work) or later (I'll miss my training) to get changed.

She isn't the only women to do this - another brings in her 2 younger boys (about 5 I guess) just for them to put their shoes on!

Am thinking of complaining to the reception - would you?

What seeker (et al) said. Tis madness that some people are teaching their kids to the DailyMail rules.

I think that we should all complain when it happens and keep swimming pools and gyms to the rules. (unless the child has SN). Having said that I have never had to get changed with 8yr+ old boys-I assume they go into the male changing room.

DoNotPress- that is a case of assault and is clearly outrageous. I am very sorry that happened. I don't think it should stop us demending the right to use disabled facilities when we need them. My daughter is not in a wheelchair either, but I would still have to take her into disabled facilities to change her.

I believe there is a key scheme which we could access to use disabled facilities safely in many places. If someone in a wheelchair complained at me while out, I would politely ask them to wait their turn. If someone moaned at me on here about it, I suspect I'd be less polite! Any person with a disability which prevents them using the usual loos and/or changing rooms is well within their rights to use the facilities provided for them.

BoF I agree, its just I ant get ds1 in one now- understandably I feel. OTOH he is too old for ladies changing now, yes.
We try to opt for family room when available; with ds3 I have far less worries about disbaled provision.

The attack was assault yes, but as the (very helpful_ pool staff said- they don't have cameras in the changing rooms, and when they appraoched the aprents they swore kids were with them (whilst shits kids giggled) and what can you do? DS1 had a cracker black eyye though

I would have been so fucking angry- your poor boy

i think this is really grumpy! they're only little boys..am sure they're not interested in ladies wobbly bits!?
i think 8 is pretty young to send into a male changing room alone.mine is only 18 months but, i can't see i'd be comfortable with that.

Honestly, eight is plenty old enough, or it should be. That is the age that certainly most girls start getting conscious of their privacy- and we should let them have it.

People get up in arms at school when boys and girls are made to change for PE together-and very often they get changed separately from year 5 onwards. Little girls should be able to rely on privacy and not forced to have boys in just because the mother can't let go. Lots of women wouldn't want it either.

YANBU
8-10 yo boys are curious. There's no harm in it but it's very uncomfortable to be stared at semi-naked by a nearly pubescent boy. I go to communal baths in Morocco and the rule there is about 6+ they have to go in with the men (not at puberty riven, not at all!) Occasionally women bring their older boys in, I assume they have no choice, no male family to take them and certainly not hot showers at home, I find it very uncomfortable but deal with it. It would be better if I didn't get stared at anyway for being euro, so euro and topless for a 10 year old boy is fascinating, and the mums never tell them to stop

i would hate the idea of an 8 year old boy ALONE in a mens change room

am i alone in that?

Not alone, just a bit precious...

We are never going to agree, are we? Oh well...

i would far rather be gawped at by some 8 year old boy than have a bloke gawp at my 8 year old

OK what about 10 year old girls getting changed? Do you think it's ok to make a 10 year old boy and 10 yo girl get changed in the same changing room? By taking older children of the opposite sex into changing rooms that is what will happen. I would have been mortified and incredibly distressed if someone had brought a 10 year old boy into the women's changing room when I was 10.

It's a difficult one

my ds1 has AS and will be seven next week

I really can't see me letting him change in the male changing rooms at 8 on his own

if we weren't allowed to have him in the female ones he would just only go swimming when dh is there

I understand about women not wanting boys in the changing rooms - honestly - I hate communal changing anyway. But when it comes down to your child's safety (which is does for some children) there's no comparison - it is just much more important.

Paedysteria can't be allowed to stop us teaching children appropriate independence- it's counter-productive if anything: strong confident children who can yell "No, Leave Me Alone!" etc etc are much less vulnerable anyway than kids who've been brought up to be fearful of every adult they don't know.

I'll bow out now, we're going round in circles.

my ds isn't fearful or namby-pamby what a ridiculous assumption

he still needs support however and wouldn't be able to change, keep track of all his bits, go in the right directions, operate the lockers etc by himself

and if he can't do it by himself, I am not going to try and force him to because somebody else might "feel uncomfortable"

when push comes to shove, I would put his needs first

Hear hear Greensleeves

I have to say i am shocked by the number of mums who molly coddle 8 year olds. 8 years old is by far old enough to change on their own. When i was 8 i was sent to boarding school the otherside of the world and had to travel alone on planes at beginning and ends of terms. It was pretty standard practise for a lot of kids in a similar situation and we all somehow managed moving countries on our own, so i think getting dressed in a changing room should be within the reach of any capable 8 year old.

We have covered the SN issue (at length), greeny. That is obviously different.

No BOF, it isn't different.

Children with SN (a HUGE umbrella term) aren't a different species. They are on the same basic continua as the rest of us. My ds1 doesn't wear a placard round his neck - he could easily pass for a perfectly ordinary child (and in many respects, he is)

so if you can concede that a child with SN might have different needs, or learn things at a different rate, why can't you understand that all children do? We all have "special needs", whatever they are.

You can't cover your intolerance and your attitude of "well if mine can do it so should all the others" by marking out people with identified, labelled special needs as a different type of human being. The very fact that you have had to concede that "it's different if you have SN" shows your whole outlook to be wrong.

thank the lord for greeny on this thread

I find the assumption that "naked strange men" bad but naked strange women ok" interesting. It's sad how ingrained the notion that all men are potential rapists has become.

Personally I don't have a problem with nudity in front of strangers of either sex (which makes it easier to work as a life model from time to time), but I find 7-8 years old quite old for a boy not to be trusted to change on his own in the men's area.

Having your 8 year old boy in the ladies changing room with you doesn't have to mean that he needs you to put his socks on.

I would not send my DS alone into a male changing room but instead I would explain that I want him where I can keep an eye on him.

I would also explain about privacy/modesty and tell him it would be inappropriate to stare/comment. These are equally valuable life skills (to those of independence and alarm raising) that I would hope the ladies using the changing room in the presence of such a boy would adhere too.

From a safety point of few there is also the possibility that they would wander off into the pool unsupervised.

I have a child with SN/disabilities myself Greensleeves, I'm not exactly bigoted about it, honestly. Have you read the thread?