to want 8 year boys to get changed in the MALE changing room?

[ParisFrog]

I got to a small gym. Several times a woman has brought 3 lads (aged 8 - 10) into the women's changing room for them to get changed. AIBU for this to really annoy me?

The boys have just finished karate - surely they are old enough to get changed by themselves in the men's? She doesn't physically change their clothes for them - just sits there whilst they get changed (and also climb over the lockers and generally wander around the room)

FYI - The changing rooms are small with no cubicles. I can't get there earlier (I work) or later (I'll miss my training) to get changed.

She isn't the only women to do this - another brings in her 2 younger boys (about 5 I guess) just for them to put their shoes on!

Am thinking of complaining to the reception - would you?

As a point of interest and possibly a guide (?), the local custom here in Dubai is that ladies day at the pools and waterparks means no male children over the age of 8. And the ladies here are far more sensitive than in the UK about these matters.

My son classmates change for PE together and they are in year 3. I don't know what age schools split children for PE.

How much is being self concious about bodies cultural conditioning. Does it really do your daughters any favours teaching them to be self concious about their bodies? You will make things childbirth far harder for them by encouraging them to have too many inhibitions.

Children need to learn to respect their bodies and other people's. It is rude to stare whether someone is naked or otherwise.

Prehaps if children grew up and seeing healthy bodies as a normal thing is not a bad thing. It might reducing eating disorders and men having distorted expectations of what is normal.

Reallytired thinks of joining the local naturist group.

OK reallytired - you send your 10 year old dd in to change in the men's changing room! I'm sure she'll understand if you explain it's to make childbirth easier for her in 20 years time!

I would let DS1 (just 9) go alone to get changed, although I would probably stand outside the door tapping my foot impatiently as he would take ages!

To be honest he would hate to be around half naked/naked women. It would make him uncomfortable (and he see's me naked) and embarrased.

DS2 aged 5 has SN and the private gym I go to has a family changing area, if it didn't I wouldn't go to it.

Our public swimming pool is all individual cubicles so no problem there.

So YANBU.

I think YABU.

I wouldn't let my 8 year old go in the male changing room or want to leave him outside on his own while I changed.

Why not?

'But people are going to freak if you take a teenager (even a young one) of the opposite sex into a changing room where people are walking around naked.
'

true and I would never do that, but there's a difference between a nione year old (esp. mine who currently wears age 6 trousers LOL) and a teenager I think.

Interesting ideas about the eating disorders- I think they are more than that, ds1 actually has an eating disorder sadly, and whilst he does have an obsesion about fitness, it'salso to do with control (and a hefty amount of ASD thrown in for good emasure natch)

I agree with seeline and legspinner, my DS is nearly 7 and still comes to the ladies toilets with me - I won't let him go in the mens on his own. Obviously if he is with his dad its different.

Our leisure centre has a family area so changing for swimming isn't a problem.

I wouldn't feel happy letting him go into the mens toilets or mens changing rooms on his own yet.

I know from experience (where I work, not personal experience) that these can be attractive areas for 'perverts' to hang around and it has happened in our leisure centre. Why would you want to risk that? Having said that however, a group of 3 boys with the oldest 10, I would have thought they would be able to look out for each other.

You really can't make all your choices about your children on the assumption that every adult they are going to meet is a potential paedophile. Honestly you can't. They will get such a skewed view of the world if you do.

I am sure that my dd will be able to cope with dressing herself at the age of 10. She shows every sign of being a healthy NT child at the moment. Like any other NT child she is getting more and more independent each day.

However she does develop special needs and could not cope with changing on her own then I guess she would have to go in the men's changing room if her Dad took her swimming.

NT children do vary a lot in their maturity. I think my son would be fine in a male changing room, but we have only ever gone to swimming pools with unisex facilites. Some of my son's friends would not cope. I am not sure where you draw the line between an immature NT child and mild special needs.

Making possible for children with special needs to go swimming with their families should is more important than a 13 year old or her mother being prudish.

Teenage boys do not choose to change in the ladies' changing room unless there is very strong reason.

I agree with seeker.

And am that a poster on this thread will not allow an 8yo boy to go to the male toilet on his own! Fgs.

My DS would not have been confident enough at 8 to go into a changing room on his own. Maybe some would, it depends on the dch. It certainly wouldn't bother me if someone wanted their dch with them. Just turn your back!

Tbh, I have never been confronted with this problem as where we lived (in Germany) all pools had communal changing areas with cubicles. Most pools had several larger cubicles suitable for families, with nappy changing facilities etc.

If DH were to take DD swimming now (at 7yo) I would expect her to go into the ladies changing room, if there were no family changing facilities.

I let my 3 year old ds go into the gents loos by himself the other day

As for changing rooms, ds1 has been going by himself into mens since he was probably about six, but can't really remember.

Dd is 8 and she and ds1 both go to swimming lessons. Ds1's lesson is first so I drop them off at the leisure centre at the same time and dd waits for half an hour with a good book or homework and 50p for the vending machine. Then when it is time for her lesson she goes and gets changed. And she is a very shy, socially anxious 8 year old!

i would not feel comfortable changing in front of an 8-10 year old. its a matter of boundaries, not because i dont feel confident about myself. i would complain to front of house about this because as a user of the facilities you are entitled to complain about things you dont find satisfactory. chances are, you will not be the only one complaining.

Is not feeling confident your problem or the child's problem?

I suppose a complaint might result in better family /SN changing facilities so everyone is happy.

Its not help getting changed its the possibility of unsolicited advances by others that is worrying-under 10s may lack the confidence to deal with this whether bullying by older boys or other unwanted attention of any sort.

I don't know why pools have separate areas. In our swimming pools locally there's just one changing area for everyone, with cubicles of varying sizes.

"
Making possible for children with special needs to go swimming with their families should is more important than a 13 year old or her mother being prudish."

Is it prudish for a 13 year old girl not to want to get changed in front of a 10 year old boy she doesn't know?

And anyway I have said throughout that we're talking about NT children - different rules should of course apply to children with special needs.

RT- why should a woman or a girl, using the women's changing rooms be made to feel uncomfortable? The problem is clearly paedo-obsessed mothers having the heebs about letting their 8 yr old boys grow up and have a bit of independence- please don't insult those of us who do not want our children growing up with this kind of mentality by saying we are the ones with the issues here.

The hypothetical 8 yr old's mates are going to be taking the piss out of him anyway before long if his mother insists he gets undressed with her in the women's changing room.

And I repeat, any paedo your PFBs come into contact with is likely to be dirty old Uncle Jim rather than the bloke having a swim. FFS.

No Bucha

most likely yes

guranteed no

At the local pool back home they had problems with people drilling holes to spy- not on person, no matter how many they caught it'd still happen

unlikely to be Uncle Jim, no? (hough indeed DH did have a Paedo Uncle Jim so who knows..... he ahd a preference for SN kiddies btw as they couldnt shout for help)

DoNotPress
There are no guarantees in life. And even the most vigilant mother cannot shelter her child from harm all of the time.

FWIW, the policewoman who gave a talk at the kindergarten told us that the best protection we can give our children is to encourage them to be more self-confident. The child who is confident enough to shout, loud and clear, "OI! What are you DOING" is less likely to be a target.

No YANBU, I would be very at this if it happened at our pool and so would my DDs. They all started puberty v early and had breasts, hair etc at age 8/9ish; they would NOT have been happy to share a changing room with their male classmates.

There were 3 of them ffs, if something had happened then surely one of the other two could have run outside and got the mother? I can see why you might be a bit uncomfortable sending an 8yo in on his own, but if there were 3 then I really can't see the problem.

I don't know if I would be bothered enough to complain, but it would certainly annoy me.

Yes, I would. While this does not bother me too much my 12 year old DD is bothered by this (it has happened all too recently at our local gym) - she ended up having to get changed in the loo because the boys looking at her made her feel so uncomfortable .

There are no guarantees about anything DoNotPressTheRedButton. You really can't allow vanishingly small possibilities rule your life.