to want 8 year boys to get changed in the MALE changing room?

[ParisFrog]

I got to a small gym. Several times a woman has brought 3 lads (aged 8 - 10) into the women's changing room for them to get changed. AIBU for this to really annoy me?

The boys have just finished karate - surely they are old enough to get changed by themselves in the men's? She doesn't physically change their clothes for them - just sits there whilst they get changed (and also climb over the lockers and generally wander around the room)

FYI - The changing rooms are small with no cubicles. I can't get there earlier (I work) or later (I'll miss my training) to get changed.

She isn't the only women to do this - another brings in her 2 younger boys (about 5 I guess) just for them to put their shoes on!

Am thinking of complaining to the reception - would you?

I still take my just turned 7 year old DSs into the female change rooms. I think I got a comment the other day (typically it is mums of all girls who will never face this issue) but don't give a hoot and chose to ignore as it wasn't worth responding to. I have told DSs that at around 8 they will have to go in the mens and this year will be getting them ready for that.

And I repeat - at what age would people let their boys change in the male changing rooms?

I've been reading your replies with interest - thank you.

And I suppose that there are as many answers as individual situations.

In my case the gym is really small (you'd be hard pushed to get changed with more than 15 people in the changing room) and these lads were there at 7pm when the gym is at its busiest, so I honestly don't think they'd be a risk for them in the men's - there are no hidden corners in the changing rooms or showers. In fact the men's showers don't even have cubicles. You can also hear pretty much everything that is said in either changing room when waiting in the reception so if necessary the woman could shout through to the lads.

There is just the risk of them dawdling and their mum waiting outside - or sending someone in to fetch them like we always had to do with my db when I was little.

Plus I am approaching it from the point of view of a women who would like to get changed without young boys there, whereas most of you are posting from the point of view of your own DSs...

Still, am strangely proud to have started a "most active" thread!

Parisfrog - I know exactly what you mean - sometimes just getting things off your chest in MN is enough to make you feel better!

MmeLindt sums it up perfectly when she says the world is not full of paedophiles waiting for 8-year-olds in gyms. As someone else said, the world has gone mad. if people really think this is the case.

My own DS was using the gents toilets from the age of 5 or 6 - I didn't bat an eyelid about it.

...meant to add that my son always has his trunks on under clothes when we go swimming this is not a new choice for changing alone...

Also I must add how pleased I was to discover that the male instructor was in the pool throughout the lesson and obviously felt comfortable enough to demonstrate to parents how to support the children during an activity by showing them where to stand and hold the child for best effect. I was on one side of my son watching whilst the instructor was on the other side of my son supporting his legs and head where required.

I was pleasantly surprised to realise that this had been allowed by the organisers and also that the instructor felt vindicated enough to take these classes. Many instructors would possibly avoid putting themselves in any kind of position where they would be required to touch a child.

Morloth that's fine if there is provision- most of us wouldn't want to do that either- but if there isn't, what do we do? Stay home?

I can't see ds3 ever being able to be left (more severe autsim though, no attention spqn for such things) and whilst atm I am lucky as he still looks like a toddler, at some point I will be having to phone ahead to palces to ask if facillities are available- and my options will inevitably shrink. There was a pievce in the news the other day (sorry, no links) that the access legisaltion (of which this is aprt) has on balance failed, and its true. And even if there is provision often there is someone using it inappropiately- ds3 wee'd himself the other day because the radar key loow as taken: had someone with sn or a carer come out, I would have understood (no queue in mens according to older child- I do send them in there now, so no urgency need) but it was some bloke wearing a courier uniform .

PS - I know they must be at least 8 because of the colour of their belts...and you can't start karate until you are 5 or 6 and then you advance through the colours at a set time...

Parisfrog - I know exactly what you mean - sometimes just getting things off your chest in MN is enough to make you feel better!

MmeLindt sums it up perfectly when she says the world is not full of paedophiles waiting for 8-year-olds in gyms. As someone else said, the world has gone mad if people really think this is the case.

My own DS was using the gents toilets from about the age of 5 or 6 - I didn't bat an eyelid about it.

sorry double post!

I totally understand your annoyance. Our pool rules states from 8 yo boys go in the Men's. My ds is almost 7 yo and can change himself after swimming. He needs help with his swimming hat but that's all. By 8 yo I expect to be able to sit in the lobby and wait for him as I do for his sister.

i wouldn't let my ds(8) in the changing room alone either, luckily our changing rooms are unisex anyway

Presumably the hi-vis cotton wool the hypothetical drowning child had been wrapped in all his life would alert him to the life guards......

Seriously, if said 8 yr old had gone back into the swimming pool and been coerced by a friend into jumping in the deep end (and hopefully been saved by said life guard) he'd get a bloody bollocking and his swimming lessons taken away till he learned how to behave..... problem solved.

ReallyTired
I have a 5yo DS and a 7yo DD and I would without hesitation allow my DD to go into a changing room alone.

If we start to go along the "what if.." route about the boys going back into the pool, being dared to jump in the pool, jumping in, getting into difficulties, the lifeguard not seeing him...

There are 3 concious decisions made there, and dozens of outcomes, only one of which is that the boy drowns.

I do not make parenting decisions based on "What if..." otherwise I would not let my DC out of the house.

"And I repeat - at what age would people let their boys change in the male changing rooms? "

I think that the parents need to make that sort of decision. It is unreasonable to have a blanket rule for all children.

I hate communial changing rooms. I much prefer the system at our sports centre of everyone having a cubicle. Everyone has their privacy and pre pubscent boys can be supervised.

I am sure that my son could cope. He gets changed for PE at school without any problem. Thankfully my son does not have to go into changing rooms on his own.

DoNotPressTheRedButton, no idea how you handle it to be honest.

But people are going to freak if you take a teenager (even a young one) of the opposite sex into a changing room where people are walking around naked.

As I said, it doesn't bother me personally but most people are not going to swallow it, SNs or not.

Imagine turning round the situation and a man posting here saying he always took his DDs aged 8-10 into the male changing room, was he BU to carry on even though it made some men uncofortable?

I think we'd all say he was being VVU. 8-10s are a) perfectly capable of managing by themselves b) do not need to be protected from hypothetical 'perverts' in a public place.

I think 9+ is a suitable age for getting changed alone. I think 7/8 is dependant on the child and may be a bit too soon for some.

"
I think that the parents need to make that sort of decision. It is unreasonable to have a blanket rule for all children."

Is it? Bear in mind that we're talking NT children here. There are blanket age rules for all sorts of other things - going into the baby pool, for example, or going down the water chute. Isn't it our job as parents to foster growing independence? 8 strikes me as a good age to have gained the ability to get changed without assistance in the male changing room, and then to wait in a familiar place for a short time while your mum finishes getting ready in the women's.

Many gyms do have a blanket rule for such things. I think 7 or 8 is about right. I have girls not boys, but turn it the other way round, and there is no way my 7 yr old DD would go and get changed with her dad in the men's. And as for running off and drowning... fgs you can't base your life on expecting the worst possible extremely unlikely scenario.

When i was 8 years old i was travelling unaccompanied for 22 hours on planes. Often having a long stop over half way through. I think 8 year olds can cope with quite a bit and getting changed on their own in a changing room for their own gender is one of them.

However i say that from my own life experience, how i will feel when my son is 8 is probably a different matter.

I was thinking that Stigaloid, not planes in my case but on weekends we used to disappear after breakfast on our bikes and had to be home by the time the street lights came on, this was well before I was 8. Sometimes would be home for lunch, sometimes would get fed at a friend's house (or if particularly fortunate that day have enough money for chips!).

We used to go down the river and swing off the rope into it without parental supervision as well. Astonishing I made it to adulthood really.

Has anyone mentioned the fact that older boys may make young girls uncomfortable? When dd was around 10 there was a boy in her swimming group (and seemed to be a similar age to her) whose mother still brought him into the female communal changing area. DD was at the age where she was becoming more aware of her body, getting self-conscious about nudity, etc and she did not feel comfortable with this.

At my dcs school they do school swimming from Yr3 (so age 7) and I felt that was a good time to get my ds used to changing on his own in the mens changing area so that he would be able to manage when he went with school.

I don't care if 8 - 10 year old boys see me showering, getting changed etc, most women I know would not be bothered about it

But the 8 - 10 yo girls I know would care

Do those of you who are insisting that it is your decision when the boys stop changing in the girls' room not think about the effect that will be having on the girls their age, and those who are just going through puberty?

My 13 year old dd would hate it.

My two were changing alone in the mens changing rooms from about the age of 8 and 6. I would give them strict and specific instructions and tell them exactly where to meet me. I would always make sure I changed faster than they did so I was at the meeting point first.
I have also on occasion slightly opened the door to the mens changing room and shouted through it to make sure they were ok.