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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For not expecting an earful of abuse just because I want us to look at our holiday snaps as a family

76 replies

pissedoffandcrying · 21/09/2009 17:16

I am a regular, but have a few MN mates on FB and don't want to be identified.

We have just got back from holiday and DP asked if I wanted to look at our holiday snaps blown up for the first time on our telly. He plugs the camera into his X box and me, him and DS settle down in front of it to look at the photos together. We get half way through them (about 20 mins in) when a message pings up from one of his mates inviting him to some online thing so he accepts and all I can hear is him chatting to them about computer games. I ask him nicely if he can wait until we have finished before he starts talking online to his mates and with that he says "Hold on mate, I've got the bitch in my ear again" and starts yelling at me to stop intefering. I say to him that chatting to his mates when we are supposed to be looking at our holiday snaps is rude as we are supposed to be having some family time together and that calling me a bitch is disrespectful. With that he turns the X box off, shoves the camera at me and tells me he is going out.

So now I am sat at the PC crying (when I am supposed to be studying). My question is Am I being unreasonable to expect DP to not chat to his mates when we are supposed to be looking at our holiday pictures? Why could he not have just waited until we had finished. And now I have to do tea, bath and bedtime when it is his turn, and I really need to study as I have an assignment due next week.

OP posts:

AntdamnTheDM · 21/09/2009 17:20

I think he was quite rude to you TBH.

YANBU at all.

He could have said 'I'll speak to you later, we are busy at the moment' and then finished up with you and DS

tiredemma · 21/09/2009 17:20

If my DP called me a 'bitch' to his friends I would launch his xbox onto the street.

NeedCoffee · 21/09/2009 17:21

He called you a Bitch!?! What an a**e. yaNbu, Is he usually like that or was he 'joking'?

Original poster

pissedoffandcrying · 21/09/2009 17:25

. Yes he is often like this but hasn't been for a while which is why I am so upset. Normally I just turn the other cheek and don't let it bother me but I really thought we had turned a corner recently. He is on a waiting list for anger management and has a medical condition which means he never usually gets a full nights sleep so is often ratty, but this has really got to me for some reason even though he has said / done worse in the past.

OP posts:

SecretNinjaChipmunk · 21/09/2009 17:26

i'm with tiredemma on this one. is he usually like this? he wants to have a word with himself. yanbu at all

WidowWadman · 21/09/2009 17:26

I couldn't be with someone so disrespectful.

hullygully · 21/09/2009 17:27

Smash the Xbox over his fucking head.

SecretNinjaChipmunk · 21/09/2009 17:28

sorry x post. you poor thing. i'd be fuming and upset.

bigchris · 21/09/2009 17:29

how recently did you get back from holiday - he might have had enough family time while you were away? no excuse for calling you a bitch though

tadjennyp · 21/09/2009 17:30

YANBU, he shouldn't be calling you a bitch to his friends or in front of your dc. However I would say just get on with bath and bedtime and try and enjoy it so you can get on with your assignment later. Just tell him later on that you don't appreciate being called names and ask him if he had a nice time while he was out. Hopefully that will guilt trip him into realising he was unreasonable without causing a huge row, but only you know your dh. Good luck with the assignment!

Hulababy · 21/09/2009 17:31

Doesn't matter whether you are reasonable or not regarding the photos.

The fact that he called you a bitch, and presumably in hear shot of your child, is out of order, and that alone would have me dealing with this in a big way with hi. Is he normally so disrespctful to him. TBH if DH ever called my a bitch, especially to his friends, I would be having a serious conversion.

diddl · 21/09/2009 17:34

Well he´s the one who suggested you look at the photos!

OMG! if hubby called me that I´d want to slap him across the face and never see him again.

YANBU

Original poster

pissedoffandcrying · 21/09/2009 17:35

He will probably come home with his back up tbh. I just don't want him near me again today. He can be so damn nasty sometimes and puts such a bad atmosphere over this house. DS did hear but again he has heard worse which is terrible. God knows what sort of effect this is having on him too

OP posts:

diddl · 21/09/2009 17:37

Sounds as if he has anger issues.

CheerfulYank · 21/09/2009 17:41

YANBU. How long could it possibly take to look at the pictures? And if DH ever referred to me as a bitch to a friend of his...

And it is totally, totally inappropriate for him to speak to you that way in front of your DC.

Original poster

pissedoffandcrying · 21/09/2009 17:43

Yes he does, as does his brother. His poor (and lovely) girlfriend puts up with worse from him. Their upbringing and in particularly their mother have not helped at all. I can't wait for his anger management to come through because I am fed up with living like this

OP posts:

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 21/09/2009 17:45

I think you have bigger problems than him talking to his mate while you were looking at the photos.

echofalls · 21/09/2009 17:49

yanbu

he was very disrespectful to you but then you know that yourself.

MorrisZapp · 21/09/2009 17:52

I'm not sure that anger management can cure people who call their loved ones a bitch. Sorry.

By all means encourage him to get all the help and support he can, but it is him saying these things at the end of the day.

Keep your expectations realistic on what others can do to help him.

Jux · 21/09/2009 17:53

He as outrageous and you should be expecting a huge apology and a present at the least, but I fear, you will be disappointed. I would tell him to sling his hook until he's sorted himself out. This is not good for you or your child.

msrisotto · 21/09/2009 17:57

Him calling you a bitch like that is really not acceptable. As someone else said, I reckon you have other problems than the photo thing.

It's not ok for him to treat you like that.

Original poster

pissedoffandcrying · 21/09/2009 18:00

Deep down I know IANBU. I am just so upset because I really thought we had started to resolve things. He made such an effort on holiday and we had a lovely time. He seemed to realise how bad he was being when he knew what his brother was like too and I was hoping that things would be better from now on. Guess I was wrong .

I have been pinning all my hopes on anger management working but I will have to face facts soon that it may not work at all...

OP posts:

2shoes · 21/09/2009 18:06

yanbu, sounds like he has issues, but still no excuse for calling you a bitch.

DoingTheBestICan · 21/09/2009 18:13

I really feel for you op,your dh has no respect for you to call you a bitch,especially in front of your ds.

No real advice but your dh is a twat.

MyFanjoPlaysTheBanjo · 21/09/2009 18:17

If this upsets you I'm sorry in advance

Do you want your son to grow up thinking that is how men treat women? with that little respect or regard?

Children are like sponges and they soak up everything around them. Again, sorry if that is hard to hear.

He sounds vile btw.

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