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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to tell people to stop commenting on dd weight /height etc

80 replies

elmofan · 20/09/2009 16:02

well exactly like it says in the title really .....
dd (3.8) was born 4 weeks early & weighed 5lb, she was always a slow gainer but was walking by 9 1/2 months so advanced for her age although tiny , she had a hospital appointment on friday for her eczema & she had her height & weight checked & she is only 2 stone & 1 pound . the nurse kept saying " oh she's tiny" but when i told the doctor i was worried she said dd is a healthy child & told me to ignore other people . dd has started preschool on the 1st sept & i am sick & tired at this stage of some of the other mums asking me dd age & then comparing her to their child who is almost a year younger but the same height . aibu to just want to tell these kind of people it's not nice to compare children , or am i just being touchy

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 20/09/2009 16:11

I can see that it is annoying, but you won't be able to stop it so I would just get a stock response and change the subject.

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 20/09/2009 16:14

I think you may be being a little bit touchy. I'm sure no-one means anything by it when they refer to your DD being tiny.

My niece is also very small for her age - she's 3.7. My SIL & I talk about this all the time because I'm sure she weighs less than my 12 mo DS !!! SIL will pick up DS & make comments like "Cor, you're am armful" or "Chubster", and I will make comments about how little and light her DD is. Neither of us are offended by this. It is just an observation.

Original poster

elmofan · 20/09/2009 16:16

thanks piscesmoon , she got compared to a 10 month old baby earlier this baby is only a few pounds lighter than dd . she is healthy (rarely sick thankfully) & would eat fruit & veg until it comes out of her ears but just fed up with peoples comments ,at this stage

OP posts:

MrsTicklemouse · 20/09/2009 16:20

you are not being unreasonable or touchy
DS2 is like a barrel, almost top line for weight and very bottom line for height but hes fine, he also has been quite forward, i get bored of peoples surprise at his age. DS1 however is really tall and skinny, when he was three i used to get bored of people asking why he wasn't at school!!

Next time someone says something you could point out that they're not a six foot supermodel!! we are all different, it would be boring if we weren't!

CarmenSanDiego · 20/09/2009 16:24

I think you're being a little touchy.

My ds is HUGE and I'm a little embarrassed when we meet other people with babies and the inevitable swapping of ages arises - I mean how do you react? I don't really think there is any judgement meant in noticing that one baby is bigger/smaller than the other.

I /love/ babies and joke that I've been a little shortchanged by DS cos I could only carry him in a sling for a short time and can't carry him long at all now. I was quite expecting a doll-like girl again and ended up with a little lad who looks like a rugby player at 8mos.

No-one means anything by it and if she's healthy and well, it really doesn't matter. Perhaps people are actually thinking how pretty and petite (in a positive way) she is!

sarah293 · 20/09/2009 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

elmofan · 20/09/2009 16:27

oh mrsticklemouse (great name btw)
i was expecting everyone to tell i am just being touchy & maybe i am but when you hear comments almost on a daily basis it just gets irritating after a while iyswim ,
i always make it a rule not to comment on children as they change so quickly when they are little . but some people don't even try to hide their surprise when i say how old she is & i find this a little rude tbh ,

OP posts:

pooexplosions · 20/09/2009 16:34

Its just something to say though isn't it? Small talk (snarf ) It can be irritating though I know, my DS2 is tiny, he's 2.2yrs and wears 12 month old clothes, he's as light as a feather. He's also very angelic looking, so we get a lot of comments, but most are positive enough even as they say how small he is.
You just need to ignore it, most people certainly aren't trying to be rude, and won't know that it bothers you.

theseboobsaremadeformilking · 20/09/2009 16:41

I think you're being overly sensitive.

My ds was premature and I nearly lost him twice, I am just so bloody grateful he is here that I don't give a monkeys when people comment on how tiny he is.
It makes him a bit more special in my eyes and I'm happy to explain why he's small.

No-one is being malicious so you just need to relax, if it's happening every day then what's the point in getting stressed about it all the time.

Original poster

elmofan · 20/09/2009 16:50

i know your probably right but i suppose i am just tired of it now , yes i do get a lot of " ooh's & ahh's but then when i answer with her age they clam up & stare which feels very awkward iykwim , i then just smile & say ah well she's not bad for a 5lb baby & change the subject ,

OP posts:

diddl · 20/09/2009 16:53

Would you say she is OK for her height, though?

My daughter was always small, looked like a doll when she started walking!

Others picking her up were nearly throwing her over their shoulders as she was so light compared to theirs!

Honneybunny · 20/09/2009 16:53

I understand where you are coming from.

My ds2 (3y9mo) is also very light and short, and people comment on it. I have learned to jsut ignore it, although it does sometimes bother me a little (esp. as my other son is a very tall boy).

We got comments last month before taking off on a plane, when the stewardess asked me if he was 2 yet... Ds2 promptly turned to her and said in a slightly annoyed voice and with an enormous sigh: "pffff, well i am three-and-a-half.... actually!"

beaniesinthebucketagain · 20/09/2009 17:02

i know how you feel i had the same with ds, but hes recently shot up and is about 'average' (hate that word)
Whereas dd who was on time is so tall people say oh why isnt she walking, shes just sitting there, well she is 9mnths, but in 12-18 clothes and needing bigger soon, shes tall and thin!

I think no matter what people always have something to say it starts from guessing the sex by staring at the bump and it never ever ends

abra1d · 20/09/2009 17:04

I know what you mean, OP. My son is tall and skinny. Always has been. He eats well but I have given up telling PE people that it's just his metabolism and we do actually feed him plenty of meat, eggs and milk and vegetables, etc.

Original poster

elmofan · 20/09/2009 17:08

well i think so diddl , the nurse at the hospital wrote her measurements down for me on a piece of paper i don't know why she did this & she didn't do it for any of the other parents at the hospital but any way her measurements are 2 stone & 1 pound & her height is 94.3cm , her 2-3 clothes still fit her but she is coming into the 3-4 in tops & cardigans but not in the trousers , her gp thinks she is great for her age & so does the doctor at the hospital ,

lol honneybunny at your ds good on him answering the stewardess .

OP posts:

Danthe4th · 20/09/2009 17:27

Its a way a lot of mums start a conversation with a mum they don't know, comparing their children, no one means any offence by it and it will carry on into their teens. My elder dd's are at high school and the difference in size and weight is amazing,and we often comment on it. My dd age 14 is 3 stone lighter than dd age 12 who now has size 7 half feet. Some of her friends are a foot less in height, so you better get used to it.Its never something thats bothered me I think its amazing that you could line up 10 children all age 3.4 and they would all be different but all lovely.

Original poster

elmofan · 20/09/2009 17:41

yes danthe4th they are all lovely
& every child is different which is why i never comment on children's size etc , i probably just needed to let off steam today ,

OP posts:

ray81 · 20/09/2009 17:53

YANBU.

I get the same with my dd, she is nearly 8 and only weighs 2 stone 7lbs she is just small thats the way she is and she always will be. its annoys me too i get those comments all the time.

risingstar · 20/09/2009 18:00

really, i think that it is often an easy ice-breaker and way to start a conversation with a mum you don't know.

you know, how old is she? mines x...people are always commenting on all sorts of stuff, it can only bother you if you let it.

one of my friends dd is on the 3rd centile, mine is on the 93rd. we often laugh about it- the fact that hers is 14 months older and when my dd was 14 months old, they were in the same size clothes, no more hand me downs!

TeaOneSugar · 20/09/2009 18:01

I get it all the time with my dd, 5 and just over 4ft 1" every since she started walking I've had people randomly commenting that she's "big", when she isn't "big" she's just tall.

It's annoying when you get it all the time, I don't see the need to comment on other people's dcs in this way, you wouldn't say to another woman "how old's your dh, he's big isn't he" .

TeaOneSugar · 20/09/2009 18:02

Should have read "she's 5..."

diddl · 20/09/2009 18:12

When mine was a year she was in clothes for 6 months age.

She´s not a teenager yet, but is now in clothes for 14 yrs!

Abd 16yrs if French!!

She was also born early and was considered low birth weight.

Make the most of having a delicate little thing while you can!!

What about you & hubby-tall/average/short?

Original poster

elmofan · 20/09/2009 18:15

lol tea maybe we should start commenting on their dh's just for a laugh (only joking) kids like adults come in all shapes & sizes , i'm just glad to know im not the only 1 who gets a bit fed up of it some times , i know they dont mean any harm (even if some of them gasp in horror)

OP posts:

bronzebeard · 20/09/2009 18:16

I would probably say it because I have great chunks and it's nice to have a baby who is a baby for a bit longer and I do understand kind of the sensitivities of it as dd was prem but to be honest I never let that kind of thing get to me. Afterall what people really want top know is 'is he good?'

PandaEis · 20/09/2009 18:18

TBH i can see what you mean although you may be being a little over sensitive
my DD is 3.9yo and on 95th centile for her weight and off the chart for her height and we always get comments like shes a big girl/why isnt she wearing a school uniform/and

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