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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to tell people to stop commenting on dd weight /height etc

80 replies

elmofan · 20/09/2009 16:02

well exactly like it says in the title really .....
dd (3.8) was born 4 weeks early & weighed 5lb, she was always a slow gainer but was walking by 9 1/2 months so advanced for her age although tiny , she had a hospital appointment on friday for her eczema & she had her height & weight checked & she is only 2 stone & 1 pound . the nurse kept saying " oh she's tiny" but when i told the doctor i was worried she said dd is a healthy child & told me to ignore other people . dd has started preschool on the 1st sept & i am sick & tired at this stage of some of the other mums asking me dd age & then comparing her to their child who is almost a year younger but the same height . aibu to just want to tell these kind of people it's not nice to compare children , or am i just being touchy

OP posts:

Original poster

elmofan · 20/09/2009 18:20

wow diddl your lo came on in leaps & bounds thats great , we are shortarses
ahem small too , dh is 5ft 8" & i am 5ft 2" so she has no chance

OP posts:

shonaspurtle · 20/09/2009 18:20

I was the same as a toddler - people thought I was very advanced but only because I was so tiny! I'm average height/weight now.

My mum's line apparently was "good things come in small packages" which is such a cliche but it's something to say I suppose.

diddl · 20/09/2009 18:29

Well I´m a shortie, but hubby & his family are all tall.

She all legs at the mo, bless.

But in her wisdom has decided not to become a supermodel & let us live in the lap of luxury as it would be "boring" and she wants to use her brain.

somanyboyssolittletime · 20/09/2009 18:33

I know how you feel - it can get a bit irritating when people go on and on about any aspect of your children. My little (actually, absolutely enormous, as everyone keeps pointing out) boy has beautiful white blonde hair which people comment on constantly - although it is always talked about in a positive way, I find I run out of enthusiasm to agree and make interesting conversation about it!

Incidentally, I really wouldn't worry about weight/height etc - it really doesn't matter as long as she is healthy. The actual difference on the charts between different centiles is tiny anyway.

Original poster

elmofan · 20/09/2009 18:43

ha diddl i was just going to say maybe your lo will be a model , here's hoping she might change her mind eh
somany - yes we are very lucky as she has only needed to visit our gp 3 times & she is 3.8 so that's good , the 3rd time being only 2 weeks ago & he made a big fuss over how he thought she had gotten so big etc , he laughed when i told him i am worried about how petite she is , he weighed her etc & said she was fine .
shonaspurtle , my parents always say that too

OP posts:

diddl · 20/09/2009 18:49

Elmofan

I´ve told her she could do it for a little while and then have the career she wants! LOL

Original poster

elmofan · 20/09/2009 18:51

no pressure then lol

OP posts:

Vinomum · 20/09/2009 19:50

YANBU at all. DS1 is 2.10 and on the 4th centile for height and weight. It drives me bloody mad when people bang on about how tiny he is - but I think this is probably because I worry so much about his size that I'm really overly sensitive to any comments, even if they weren't meant in a derogatory way. It's just like a red rag to a bull

Original poster

elmofan · 20/09/2009 20:14

yes i agree vinomum that if i wasn't already worried over dd then the comments wouldn't bother me as much , it sounds trivial but when you hear remarks being made almost on a daily basis then it just gets annoying after a while doesn't it .

OP posts:

slushy06 · 20/09/2009 20:19

OP try not to worry I was always tiny I wasn't premature was born on my due date but weighed 5lbs 5oz me and my mum laugh because she remembers clearly me being 18lbs at 18 months which my ds hit at about 8 months and when I was 11 they had to order my uniform special made as I was still only about 3 foot high.

But now I have caught up I am 5 foot but if it helps my being dainty has always been a great asset to me. I love being little and it really surprises people to learn that I am actually stronger than most girls I have met and quite a few blokes I know, it really embarrasses them for this little girl to out do them physically and I always get to enjoy taking them down a peg or to.

Try to ignore any comments about your dd and just remember people love to compare their children if it wasn't this it would probably be something else.

oldraver · 20/09/2009 20:22

Elmo MY ds2 is almost the same size. He's 3.8 (on the 13th) and weighs 28 pounds and is 93cm. He still has problems keeping up 18-24 moths trousers lol I do know what you mean when you get asked their age and just know what is coming when you say nearly 4. I have to say I have never had what I consider a negative comment more surprise he is older than his size suggests.

I have to say when I do see other children that are obviously at the top end of the centiles I do inwardly think ooh they're huge but thats mostly as I have been used to my two who are all skin a bone. So when I see chubbiness it seems odd. I assume for others its the same when they see my dinky thing

We've also had the stewardess ask increduously "is he two"

slushy06 · 20/09/2009 20:27

I also get fed up of the other way my 8 week old dd has been called a monster by even complete strangers since she was born she was 8lbs 2 but I dont think it is that big and even if it was I would still never say anything negative to anyone about their children or themselves. I even had a taxi driver say I am glad I am not your dp I wouldn't want to fall in . I just got out and payed him as I didn't know what to say.

Jewelsandgems · 20/09/2009 20:28

OP when the other mums mention it, I would just respond with a big smile, and then say (loudly enough for your DD to hear) "well to me, she is just perfect"

Vinomum · 20/09/2009 20:29

I have the opposite problem oldraver as ds2 is 8 months and on the 98th line. People keep saying to me 'ooh, ds2 will be bigger than his big brother in 6 months' time!' - meaning to be funny I'm sure but in fact just making me feel like bashing them.

Original poster

elmofan · 20/09/2009 20:42

wow oldraver our dc's are almost exactly the same weight & height , dd will be 4yr on new years eve , i know exactly what you mean about the trousers lol its the length that's the killer for dd , i reckon she will be 5 when the age 3-4 trousers fit her ,
ah jewel that's so sweet & true .

slushy06 the bloody cheek of that taxi driver , i would have reported him to his firm , how dare he say that , my ds was 8lb 4oz , a nice size not too big at all .

OP posts:

sunshiney · 20/09/2009 20:49

hear hear

people comment on my dd's height all the time. she's very tall, like me.

it makes me want to scream.

nooka · 20/09/2009 20:53

I think you just have to relax about it to be honest. Find a line that works for you and use it with a smile when the comments are made. My dd is very tall, and people comment on it regularly. Often they think she is older than her big brother for example. When she was a little younger she had a tendency to make friends with the most petite little girls, which made the difference even more obvious. I worry about her when she hits her teens as she will be vulnerable I think (she currently looks about two years older than her age).

Oh, and people often comment about my dh's height too (he's 6'5"), so it's not just babies/children. On the other hand I have a simple reply when people comment, which is just "yes her dad and I are tall too", conversation then tends to move on. But perhaps it's easier being tall than small?

NB both my two were two weeks early and fairly small (under 7lbs) I don't think it is a predictor of the future - your genes have a lot more to do with your long term height/build etc I suspect.

Firawla · 20/09/2009 21:54

yabu and oversensitive people dont mean offence by it

boolifooli · 21/09/2009 07:17

YANBU. End off. I get the same about my DS who is currently off the charts and is about to undergo some blood tests. Why do people expect all kids at 2 or 3 or 4 to be the same size? Do adult clothing sizes come via age? i.e 34 year old and so on. And would people comment about an adults height the first time they met them? What I will do now, the next time someone trip traps over my bridge is come back with 'that's only the 4th time I have heard that today'. I don't know why, but people feel comfortable telling you their thoughts about your children's dimensions, but it's not something I have ever felt happy to do myself, probaby because I know that kids of the same age can vary wildly in size.

cluckyagain · 21/09/2009 07:31

Elmo - I constantly had comments about my ds, sumo baby, how wouldn't move but just sat, ate and whinged. He is now very tall and as skinny as a beanpole and weighs less than his younger sister, 2 yrs his junior! Everybody then had a jolly good laugh when his younger sister came along, who was tiny and skinny and walked by 10 months and looked ridiculous walking along next to her giant of a brother. The final tin hat came when Sumo no2, dd2 came - she was even fatter than her brother and is now approaching her sister in height (another 2 yrs behind) I gave up caring a long time ago as I would have just cried constantly otherwise - it gets hurtful after a while. It did help though that I'd had it in both directions so to speak and could answer them back by mentioning the 'other one/s'.

diddl · 21/09/2009 07:48

I´m only 5ft, and looking at the charts, I think I barely make it onto the centiles! LOL!

Still, I´m happy & healthy and managed to give birth twice so it hasn´t mattered!

Struggling to reach something down from a supermarket shelf was how I met hubby!!

(I was the one stuggling!)

Weegle · 21/09/2009 08:04

I think you have to let it go - people are just making small talk. We have the opposite - DS is 3.4yrs and currently taller than our averaged height neighbour's 6 year old. He was born 12lb 12oz and is detined to be very tall and rugby player build. He's an adorable, sensitive child which doesn't sit well with "you're not very talkative are you?" when he's just shyly smiling at the latest stranger to ask why he's not in school. I find myself answering on his behalf and justifying his behaviour by saying "he is only 3"... I know generally people mean no harm by it, but we frequently find ourselves in situations with older children where DS is expected to act the same as 5 year olds, have the same confidence to go off without parents as them etc, yet developmentally he's just not there. So it cuts both ways.

posieparker · 21/09/2009 08:08

You are being touchy. People will always comment. It says more about how you feel than how they feel. Celebrate her 'tinyness' and she may have a chance to see it positively too.

diddl · 21/09/2009 08:10

Weegle, it must be hard when they are bigger and so others think they should be doing/capable of more.

My poor daughter had her bum pinched at the s/pool recently.

She nearly docked him one!

She gave him the evil eye and told him in no uncertain terms it was completely unacceptable for him to touch her!

FlamingoDuBeke · 21/09/2009 08:14

My DDs have all been, or are, very small for their age at various times. It is irritating so YANBU in that respect, but I'm afraid you're going to have to learn to let it wash over you.

I have four DDs and I'm so used to it now I just join in. Daft to be rude to people just for the sake of stopping a few misguided but friendly comments.

Just reply with a smiley 'yes I know! Isn't she cute ' or something along those lines. People just like having something to comment on.

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