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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that a pub on a friday night isnt the right place for a 2 year old.

179 replies

geordieminx · 11/09/2009 19:47

Not sure about this.

Mum goes to a nice country pub most friday nights - not a child-orientated pub, quiet local type pub.

Their friends have a wee girl who is nearly 2, every week they bring her to the pub and allow her to climb over people, give them all kisses on the lips and generally make a nusiance of herself. Totally not her fault, nothing for her to do, tired, no other kids, my ds who is 2 would be exactly the which is why I wouldnt do it.

Now, I know that a 1 off isnt too bad or whatever but both sets of grandparents live close so its not like they dont have babysitters - its making for an awkward atmosphere at the pub - people who go on a Friday night to relax after a week at work having a toddler climbing about, wanting attention. Parents just laugh it off.

MN jury - acceptable or not?

OP posts:
curiositykilled · 14/09/2009 17:35

Gosh what an impressive line to draw - I find the way you speak on MN offensive so I must be accusing you of being a terrible parent! Lots of people must be terrible parents then cos I am an awful prig! Loving the mosquito comment, that was the effect I was going for!

BethNoire · 14/09/2009 17:48

Who said I was offended?

And theseconedcoming- AFTER 8/ 9 ish I think they're an adult space

before that I think they are open to anyone who wishes to use them subject to compliance with basic etiquette and the rules of the establishment.

Myn kids are not in bed at that time friday or saturday nights becuase theya re invovled in performances, something I think is incredibly good for them as whole people. And sometimes we need somewhere to stop for a drink / sanck /toilet trip where there is no choice but to use a child- accepting pub

BethNoire · 14/09/2009 17:51

Oh I like it when OP's huff like that

Amkes up for the dearth of comedy on the Telly on a Monday night

Thanks TheSecond, appreciated.

curiositykilled · 14/09/2009 18:13

thesecondcoming wasn't the OP.

I'm pretty sure we scared the OP away after the first couple of pages! I think it became a bit unhelpful after that as I think what she was asking is what should her mum do?

If I have got it right, her mum is visiting the pub with the couple with the poorly controlled child. Generally the consensus was (I think) that the child sounded poorly controlled but what the OP was struggling with was what her mum should do as she is effectively partly responsible, by association, for the child's behaviour and the parents weren't really taking her worries seriously.

So, OP if you are still here.... Having hijacked the thread for so long (sorry) my amazing advice would be - I don't really know! I think if I was your mum I'd bring some things each week to entertain the child and on the weeks I couldn't be bothered being the one taking responsibility, I'd make excuses and not go. That's not cos I think the child shouldn't be in the pub or the parents shouldn't be controlling her, it would be just to keep the peace.

Original poster
geordieminx · 14/09/2009 19:49

Havent disappeared... just really

((((and desperately hoping mums mate isnt a MN'er))))))

OP posts:
TheOldestCat · 14/09/2009 20:05

Now see, what happened to leaving the children in the car while you went for a pint?

twirlymum · 14/09/2009 20:18

lol @ TheOldestCat

A (glass) bottle of coke and a paper straw that went too soggy for you to drink through!

Lilyloo · 14/09/2009 20:21

Curiosity that your still on this thread , you been here since Friday night

MeAndMyMonkey · 14/09/2009 20:42

Actually this tangent about appropriate (or not) bedtimes reminds me of an article I read about Laura Ashley, who used to work from home when her kids were small; she used to put them in bed at 4.30 and pretend it was night-time to get on with her work ... go Laura!

curiositykilled · 14/09/2009 20:59

lilyloo - HI! I actually couldn't leave it. I am a massive beached whale and have nothing else to do than sit around on MN! After I've taken DS to school anyway!

Lol @ theoldestcat!

OP - glad you're still around but I guess if your mum's friend is a MNer they'll have got the message, problem solved! They couldn't be mad with your mum either cos it was you that posted!

Original poster
geordieminx · 14/09/2009 21:01

Yeah but there is a chance my mum could kick my arse til xmas...

OP posts:
curiositykilled · 14/09/2009 21:03

Oh I feel positively triumphant that this thread will not haunt me in the deep of the night tonight! I was dreaming about it when the neighbour's cat fell off our roof and into our garden last night... Horrible, horrible thing to hear, sounded unearthly...

curiositykilled · 14/09/2009 21:05

ah, perhaps the secondcoming and I should club together to buy you some kind of arse protection and some ear 'mufflers' as my dd says...

curiositykilled · 14/09/2009 21:06
Grin
Amanda1977 · 14/09/2009 22:13

Apologies if this has been mentioned before, not got time to read whole thread just now but surely a 2 yr old should be in bed at 7pm?!?! Like someone said, fine as a one off but not EVERY Friday!

pooexplosions · 15/09/2009 00:40

...is anyone else bemused by the idea that there is a set bedtime for all children at particular age? I tend to choose when my kids go to bed...being their mother and all I thought that was up to me, and them. I must have missed the memo that ordered me to put them to bed by 7pm unless its a "special occasion"?

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/09/2009 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

2rebecca · 15/09/2009 08:26

I wouldn't keep a 2 year old up until 8.30 every Friday. If people ar annoyed by this though they should say something to the couple with the kid and suggest they get a babysitter. Children do affect how people interact and need alot of looking after and like to be the centre of attention at that age which is tedious if it's someone else's child you'd rather not socialise with.
Taking a 2 year old to the pub on an evening is the sort of thing I'd do on holiday if eating out, not every week.

2rebecca · 15/09/2009 08:40

If people prefer not to have kids around on an evening they could go to a child free pub. If we have no kids with us (with the other parents) our local is an over 21 pub, which is also the best pub in town.
When we have the kids it's rare we'd choose the pub as an entertaining place to take them. They get bored. It's OK for summer lunchtimes if good beer garden when you're out for the day but Friday evenings can be pretty busy and unpleasant here, we avoid going to the pub on friday nights let alone taking kids. A nice country pub might be OK. Still don't think the kids would enjoy being dragged there for 2 hours every Friday and told to be good.
They'd far rather go to the park, cinema, play on computer etc

hatwoman · 15/09/2009 10:32

at pooexplosions. It was a government directive. it had to be imposed on everyone because a few feckless parents were letting their children stay up til midnight every night. so now we all have to get them in bed for 7.

curiositykilled · 15/09/2009 10:48

"I wouldn't keep a 2 year old up until 8.30 every Friday. If people ar annoyed by this though they should say something to the couple with the kid and suggest they get a babysitter. Children do affect how people interact and need alot of looking after and like to be the centre of attention at that age which is tedious if it's someone else's child you'd rather not socialise with."

Right so, 2rebecca let's just say it is my personal opinion that a cinema is an adult space and I am personally annoyed by children being there when perhaps I am paying someone to look after my children. I have gone to the cinema during a time, and to see a film, in which children are allowed. Would you appreciate it if I told you you should get a babysitter because I didn't think your children should be in the cinema?

I think not. You might say you would not mind if it was when you'd taken the children between 6.30 and 8.30 on a friday night but what if it was my personal opinion that chidlren shouldn't be there at any time? It really is irrelevant what people think, you can't go round impressing your own parenting ideas on other parents if they are doing something which is perfectly allowed by a venue.

The behaviour is different, you should speak to the management about the venue or ask the parents to better control the child but you cannot ask that the child is removed from the pub. The controversial tag line on the post has distracted from the OP's original question which was, what should her mum do?

curiositykilled · 15/09/2009 10:51

*about the behaviour

FatherChristmasLittleHelper · 15/09/2009 10:56

i think its fine, its a public place afetr all.

BethNoire · 15/09/2009 12:14

Mine stay up to midnioght most nights actually. If some directive writers has a cure for sleep disorders they are more than welcome here!

In the autumn we travel with a carnival that performs every Saturday for a few months. It means the boys are out and the toddler (whe only one not involved- yet) is in his buggy at late hours (though I draw the ine at 1am reults, DH goes without me and ds4 that week). People yturn out to watch beinging littlies saying 'oh its a special ocasion'- but without the boys and their counterparts there would be no occasion!. We spend all Sunday lazing, eating, and resting; they enjoy it, gain good team skills and exercise, and are part of an extremely tight community (something we'renot so much at home as we live away). You have to balance things out.

BethNoire · 15/09/2009 12:18

Well aid CK.

Becuase of the boys SN we cant get a babysitter- ever (have hopes in November but first time in a good few years). Should we really not ever spend any time in adult environments then- are our needs as a family so easily dismissed because we. ahem, might annoy someone (ccepting sensible timings / decent behaviour).

DS3 may well never be able to be just left so we have another 12 years of needing a sitter if we want to leave him in which he will be underage. It takes a flexible society to accomodate all needs and lifestyles, not one where we assume everyonew else should just adhere to our rules and mindset.

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