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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that a pub on a friday night isnt the right place for a 2 year old.

179 replies

geordieminx · 11/09/2009 19:47

Not sure about this.

Mum goes to a nice country pub most friday nights - not a child-orientated pub, quiet local type pub.

Their friends have a wee girl who is nearly 2, every week they bring her to the pub and allow her to climb over people, give them all kisses on the lips and generally make a nusiance of herself. Totally not her fault, nothing for her to do, tired, no other kids, my ds who is 2 would be exactly the which is why I wouldnt do it.

Now, I know that a 1 off isnt too bad or whatever but both sets of grandparents live close so its not like they dont have babysitters - its making for an awkward atmosphere at the pub - people who go on a Friday night to relax after a week at work having a toddler climbing about, wanting attention. Parents just laugh it off.

MN jury - acceptable or not?

OP posts:
Lilyloo · 11/09/2009 21:11

'therefore the lazyfuckers either need to do something else-like go to the pub later on'

or those who don't like kids could ?

pooexplosions · 11/09/2009 21:12

Maybe its the quality of the pubs that you go to that make them so unsuitable for children...

Lilyloo · 11/09/2009 21:12

Unfair those who would rather be child free..

SerendipitousHarlot · 11/09/2009 21:16

I agree with secondcoming

I go to pubs very occasionally. And I go there to get away from children. So the last thing I would be happy with is someone elses snot-nosed brat getting on my nerves

StewieGriffinsMom · 11/09/2009 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

curiositykilled · 11/09/2009 21:32

This is another thread where people don't seem to realise it doesn't matter what they think the parent should do with the child.

Whatever anybody says, the child is allowed in the pub, if the OP doesn't like the behaviour of the child why doesn't she just complain - as you would if you thought any other patron was behaving badly.

I don't think the OP was that radical in her post but some of the things people have said in response are IMO quite offensive. I stand by my assertion that it is miserable that people think they have the 'right' to exclude children from places that they are perfectly entitled to be just because they think children shouldn't be there.

If you don't want to bring your children to pubs in the way the OP is describing then don't but you can't complain that other people shouldn't too when they are perfectly entitled to do so if they choose.

pranma · 11/09/2009 21:42

I cant believe any of you think that a pub is an appropriate place for a 2 year old chid in the evenig.I think adults go to the pub to drink,have fun with friends and maybe get a little[or a lot] drunk.This is not what a little child should be seeing/hearing.I would ban under 10s after 7pm.If parents want a night out they should find a sitter.

hatwoman · 11/09/2009 21:52

not only do I take my kids to the pub. I take my dog too.

Lilyloo · 11/09/2009 21:53

Now dogs that's a different matter

groundhogs · 11/09/2009 21:54

what thesecondcoming said. PDR too..

It's OK for a one off, once in a blue moon, and ONLY if the child behaves like an angel.

Pubs are ADULT spaces, pure and simple. Boundaries have to be set and respected. This overly open and 'inclusive' society is hardly doing anything to improve general behaviour in young people.

Adults need their space, children need routine and proper boundaries. They also need to be expected to behave in environments into which they are invited guests. Being allowed to run riot in a pub after 7pm at the age of 2 is lazy and irresponsible parenting. Sorry, but it is. If the child sits quietly, and with it's parents, not annoying others, then fine, the moment it gets up and starts running about, Time to go home.

If parents want to go out, get a sitter, if no sitter is available, it's sad, it's bad luck, but it's not the end of the world. You can always entertain at home.

stealthsquiggle · 11/09/2009 22:01

My 2yo is more often than not in the (quite-ish country) pub on a Friday night (not tonight, as it happens) but

  • we are there to eat (and drink, but eating definitely involved)
  • we are only in the dining room
  • DC stay at the table (except when DD insists on going to the bar with DH )
  • we take colouring stuff, etc, to keep them occupied
  • no climbing on or otherwise hassling anyone other than me, DH or G'parents would ever have been tolerated
4andnotout · 11/09/2009 22:07

We sometimes take all 4 dd's to our local social club and stay till closing, as long as they are behaving i see no problems.

curiositykilled · 11/09/2009 22:07

The behaviour issue is different to whether the child should be in the pub or whether the pub is an adult space.

If you don't like the behaviour of someone in a pub, you complain. You do that if it is a parent with a poorly controlled child (at any time) or a drunk late in the evening.

If a pub allows children until a certain time then how does that make it an adult space that children are not allowed in? You can go to an adults only pub or come in after the children have been kicked out if you want an adult only time.

Lilyloo · 11/09/2009 22:08

Surely the behaviour issue stands anywhere any time of day ?

curiositykilled · 11/09/2009 22:18

I am yet to find a situation where children are openly included in anything. Children are only supposed to be in 'children's' places.

My dentist refused to treat me because I had brought my children to an emergency appointment as I had no childcare.

I have been told not to bring my children to doctors appointments, opticians appointments, for emergency monitoring in pregnancy (when they transferred me in an ambulance with DS).

I have seen people complaining on here about children being brought to parents evenings or coffee shops and even some threads about babies crying in a park.

People think it is fine to exclude children from all kinds of things, the place that makes me saddest is a wedding. So many people worry that children will ruin their 'perfect day'.

Children are hugely excluded and vastly discriminated against in our society and whilst it wouldn't be my personal choice to take my children to the pub, it is up to other parents if they want to take their children to a family pub during a time they are perfectly entitled to be there.

fishie · 11/09/2009 22:18

pdr please do come round and put ds to bed at 7pm. he is currently going to sleep at 8pm and getting up at 5.45am so hopefully you could come back at 4.30am to make breakfast.

pubs are shutting because noone goes to them and now that they aren't smoky are ideal places for families to enjoy themselves.

bruces · 11/09/2009 22:18

I don't think it's wrong for a child to be in a pub,but i DO think it's wrong for them to annoy other people,children have a right to learn how to socialise but they also have to learn about peoples personal space,i have three children and when i get a night out i definitely don't want to be a surogate mother/babysitter.The childs parents need to bring things for the child to do or entertain the child.

Hando · 11/09/2009 22:20

"children should be in bed by 7pm"

My dd (5) is in bed on school night by 7.30pm. Tonight she has just gone to bed (10pm) as we stayed up late to watch a dvd together and have a nice evening. Why would I make her go to bed early when she doesn't have to get up at 7am. She will probably get up around 9am. It's the weekend and it's nice for children to relax the "rules" a little too.

I have taken dd to a nice country pub many times. Meal then drinks. Dd will sit and do colouring or play with a toy or her ds computer. I wouldn't let her misbehave but I certainly don't see why children shouldn't be in a pub. We spent a few hours in a lovely pub last weekend. They had a huge outdoor play area, we had a table next to eat, nice dinner and dd had fun. We left by 7pm but had it have been a nice evening I'd have hapily stayed there til 10pm. All the other kids were well behaved too.

It means parents who have nobody to sit for them actually get a social life too. I enjoy going for a meal and having dd with me. Perhaps that's unusual going by some of the comments on here. Most of the time I choose not to get a sitter and to take her with me because it's nice to do evening things with children.

Hando · 11/09/2009 22:26

Also I love you last post curiosity killed. Children ARE excluded from everything.

I often take my dd with me to the dentist and the doctors. I had to go to the doctors a while back and discuss soemthig about breasts and my doctor (a lady) looked most uncomfortable talking about it in front of my (not interested in the slightest) 5 yr old. I just thought that was odd. It's only a body part, surely doctors should be the last ones to feel odd talking about body parts. Dd saying "booooobies!!!!!" probably didn't help though

I have a wedding next month that is no children for the Church service or the meal. But I think that's mainly becasue their on a budget and to invite Bob, Sue and their 6 kids means that 6 other friends can't come along. I'm not too fussed as dd would be bored stiff at a church (Catholic!) wedding, so she wouldn't want to be there anyway.

Hando · 11/09/2009 22:27

That is "I love YOUR" not "I love you" Although perhaps I do, who knows.

curiositykilled · 11/09/2009 22:32

hando - lol

PDR · 11/09/2009 22:48

I went to boarding school and was in bed by 7pm until I was about 12. Latest was 10.30pm when I was 18 .

In bed doesn't have to mean asleep but definately not in pubs IMO.

jenwyn · 11/09/2009 22:59

This isnt about kids per se beeing excluded from anything.Its about one child being annoying to adults in their own space.
I have a large family and am a reception teacher. I like kids. I go to pubs that allow kids to run around .I have actively sought out these pubs when taking my family out.
However this scenario would definitely put me off going to this pub. I dont want to be nice to random kids when Ive gone out for a meal, drink and chat. I certainly dont want a small child clamouring for my attention when Im having a conversation with other adults.
Small children tend to manipluate adults -and rightly so- but its not what I want on my night out.
I would probably not complain though - not my style -but I would change the pub I went to.

curiositykilled · 11/09/2009 23:19

jenwyn - how is a family pub during a time that children are allowed in the pub an adult space? It is a family space. That means everyone has the right to co-exist in peace together and if someone is behaving inappropriately for any reason you can ask them to behave better or complain to the licensee or leave but you can't say one person has more right to the place than the other.

PDR · 11/09/2009 23:28

curiositykilled I went to see my optician (man) last Saturday and he told me he would need to see me again, I said it was difficult as I had a toddler at home and he told me to bring him with me no problem, so I guess it depends...