to be contemplating asking my neighbour to move her newborn into her bedroom at night?

[willow]

Essentially, we live in a semi and neighbour's new baby is in a room that's next to our bedroom. Neighbour is on the floor above. Upshot is that we wake up from baby's cries, well before its parents do. Not even going to go down the advice to prevent cotdeath route, or fact that I think there might be a she who must not be named routine being followed.

Should I ask them, politely, to contemplate having baby in same room as them, at least for a little while until it's settled into a bit more of a routine? Appreciate that I can't demand they rethink where they're siting the nursery - but don't see why we should be disturbed more than the actual parents.

no.

sorry - yes.

Yes YABU

and

No you shouldn't ask her to change the way she has decided to care for her child.

get some ear-plugs or move rooms yourself.

Buy some earplugs.

Yabu. How do you know the mum isn't asleep on an airbed or something in the baby's room? Just because the baby doesn't stop cying doesn't mean no one is there.

LOL yes you are BU - what a cheek!

yadbu how do you know you are being disturbed more than the parents ?

YABVU.

YABU - are you a parent?

DS2 suffered with horrendous colic and couldn't be settled AT ALL at night for about 8 weeks.

Have a bit of sympathy fgs.

YABTU - how would you like it if someone "offered advice" to you wrt raising your children?

I'm sure they have more pressing concerns at the moment than worrying about you complaining.

YABVU

buy some ear plugs

YABU. I used to be upset when I lived in a flat and there was a baby next door who used to wake me up all the time, and to my shame I banged on the wall a couple of times. I can see now that I was being totally unreasonable, which I am when I'm woken up, and I was only about 20 and didn't have a clue about what having a baby entailed.

The poor parents are probably stressed enough, without having to worry about whether they're disturbing the neighbours, which prob every parent worries about. Have you not had children yourself? Can't you remember what it's like to have a tiny baby who needs constant attention?

I think you need to see it from their point of view.

YABU.

Sorry but YABVU

Yeah YABU.

I sympathise but it is tough - babies cry. The baby might be in a different room for a good reason. Maybe one of the parents is already sleeping in there?

Can't you change room for a bit if it bothers you that much?

YABU.

i don't think it's that unreasonable that you tell her that you're being woken, tbh. in, like, the super nicest of ways... maybe mumbe something about how you had to keep the baby in your room when yours was born cos your neighbour complained and you felt AWFUL or something? (and then stress that's why you're NOT complaining, iykwim?)

ach, maybe there's no way you can say anything. she must be kinda inconsiderate, tbh. colic or whatever it might be... you take a screaming baby away from where the neighbours sleep ime.

I really don't think you should ask your neighbour to do that! I would leave her alone.

You must not be tired enough if this is keeping you awake

Am I a parent? Ha ha - oh yes. (And have been a MN parent for a lot longer than most of you, i suspect.)

I do know that we are being disturbed more than parents, as we can hear them getting up and coming down the stairs about five minutes after baby starts crying. Unfortunately, we can't change rooms as there isn't a spare room to move into - unlike in their home.

But whole point of asking on the AIBU thread was to get some honest feedback - which I've got. Wasn't ever suggesting I went in heavy handed about cotdeaths and routines, btw. So not my style to actually tell someone how to parent.

Thanks Aitch - how you btw?

Maybe you could change rooms....

Oh, and Crokky, it's not keeping us awake - it's waking us up several times a night.

TB - see below. We don't have a spare room to move into in our house.

One of our upstairs neighbours asked me to do this, when I had a very cross newborn who didn't understand that babies were supposed to sleep. I wasn't remotely offended, but did suggest that he could help the harmony in our house too, by taking his shoes off when he came in (wooden floors) late as this could wake up DD and set her off, and by not putting Take That on at full volume when he came in pissed at 4.00 at the weekend. It was all very amicable.

Got it - cross posted.

Think you're just going to have to live with it. Especially if as you say you've been a parent a while - there is only one way an approach from you is going to end and it wont be well.