to be contemplating asking my neighbour to move her newborn into her bedroom at night?

[willow]

Essentially, we live in a semi and neighbour's new baby is in a room that's next to our bedroom. Neighbour is on the floor above. Upshot is that we wake up from baby's cries, well before its parents do. Not even going to go down the advice to prevent cotdeath route, or fact that I think there might be a she who must not be named routine being followed.

Should I ask them, politely, to contemplate having baby in same room as them, at least for a little while until it's settled into a bit more of a routine? Appreciate that I can't demand they rethink where they're siting the nursery - but don't see why we should be disturbed more than the actual parents.

I think YANBU, but I have no idea how you'd raise it with your neighbours.

Imagine if the neighbour had posted here instead- 'IABU to put my newborn in her own room, even though she wakes frequently and this wakes my neighbour up several times a night?' You'd have loads of people saying she was BU just for having a 5 week old in its own room, even without the neighbour waking aspect.

Seems like I'm in the minority, but I really don't think YABU to ask very nicely...or in a roundabout uber-subtle way. They might genuinely not realise you're being disturbed, and would be mortified to know that they are causing you sleepless nights (and I think most reasonable and considerate people would rather know, even if it was embarrassing/inconvenient for them).

i dont htink YABU at all
bloody hell crying babies are crap when they are youw OWN - even worse when its keeping someone else awake.

Oh...I was slow...the tide is turning in your favour OP

I think making up a story about having to move your baby because it dosturbed the neighbours is daft as she will see right through you.

I also think it will make it harder for her to settle the baby as she will be stressed about you hearing it cry.

YABVU and it isn't your business at all what routine she follows.

How about you offer support instead of adding more stress?

I can't believe you are even contemplating asking, which = telling someone how to parent / which room their baby should sleep in. Get used to crying. There is plenty more to come, I am sure.
I am truely shocked, that someone who even for a moment consider that they had the right to ask. Truely astonished. Tis a mystery to me how others minds work.

i like the way you lot are saying "its up to her how she cares for her baby"

well ti CLEARLY aint UP TO HER as its keeping everyone ELSE awake.

is it her first?

If you leave in the same type of semi as I do, It wont make a blind bit of difference! you will still hear her baby cry + she might not like you that much anymore after you ask.

I think it is ok to let know the neighbours when they are noisy (party, music, DIY in the middle of the night) but babies, even very vocal ones, there is not really much she can do about it and it will only stress her out whenever her baby starts crying because she will feel very concious she is dsturbing you. I wouldn't say anything TBH.

If the OP's neighbour were to post on here "I have a young baby who sleeps on a different floor to me. I let it cry for a while before going in to comfort/feed it. I think the neighbours might be woken up by it", there would probably be an MN UPROAR and talk of child abuse and probably a few accusations of "troll".

Personally I would not ask her to move baby into her room, but I would let her know that your room abuts baby's and that you are being woken by the crying. That's not unreasonable. The ball is then in her court. She may be considerate, she may not. Everybody's sleep-deprived in this scenario!

i would say the same thing as Where...

you can't tell her how to look after her baby but you can let her know about your sleepless nights.

Get some good ear plugs, wax ones are best, and don't say a word to her, like she needs that!

I think op should buy a detached house

I wonder what the response would have been if the op was actually the baby's mum saying that she is leaving her newborn to cry for 5 mins every time it wakes at night in a different room on a different floor and knows that the baby is probably keeping her neihbour awake.

How would that be reasonable. there are posters saying that they had to put their babies in different rooms because their husbands had to be able to concentrate at work the next day. So does willow and its not her baby.

Ok so the mother of the baby probably hasn't thought that she is keeping others awake. I don't see why willow is considered unreasonable. She might even be able to help this person. I was given some fabulous help by a neihbour when I had dd1 it deffo surpassed the crap I was being told by the hv / midwife.

I would speak to her.

YANBU, I hate being woken up, bad enough when its my own child.
But if/when you do mention it to the mother dont be suprised if you get a verbal bashing in return or worse, tears.

ha xed with lots - must learn to type faster

Why should they put up with the noise???? Because it's a new baby - crying - it's not unreasonable pumping house music at unsociable hours.

If I had a new baby that was crying and my neighbour said could I move where I was putting the baby to sleep, I'd be in shock, shut the door, fume, and do no such thing. My home, my baby, they cry, get ear plugs and get over it, it won't go on for ever.

YANBU.

Not sure how I'd tackle it though I add helpfully.

And regarding DH's having to go to work etc and needing their sleep - well tough - its their baby. Although my DH has never been woken by one of our babies because I have a bedside cot and don't leave them to cry as far too lazy to actually get out of bed.

You need to focus on minimising noise disruption for others before yourselves when you have a baby. Thats just part of being a considerate neighbour.

If you were on chatting terms I'd start by selling the benefits of a bedside cot. Of course it would be totally transparent what you were suggesting but may give them something to think about.

god, i am so depressed by the 'my home' posts. if you can keep your baby noise to your home, fine, but if it's in someone else's then you should be trying to be considerate.

I didn't ever say it wasn't reasonable to be annoyed at being woken up, and I didn't say she should be embracing the sounds of a baby crying .

However what use is mentioning it to a new mum, other than making her feel bad?
It doesn't go on for ever, it isn't nice, but it's life. In my opinion, (and I am allowed a different one from shineoncrazydiamond, no matter how annoying she finds that!), the OP shoud invest in good wax earplugs and before she knows it the baby will be going through the night.