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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be contemplating asking my neighbour to move her newborn into her bedroom at night?

327 replies

willow · 10/09/2009 11:41

Essentially, we live in a semi and neighbour's new baby is in a room that's next to our bedroom. Neighbour is on the floor above. Upshot is that we wake up from baby's cries, well before its parents do. Not even going to go down the advice to prevent cotdeath route, or fact that I think there might be a she who must not be named routine being followed.

Should I ask them, politely, to contemplate having baby in same room as them, at least for a little while until it's settled into a bit more of a routine? Appreciate that I can't demand they rethink where they're siting the nursery - but don't see why we should be disturbed more than the actual parents.

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 10/09/2009 12:30

Is that room smaller though?

midnightexpress · 10/09/2009 12:30

Well, ds2 was in our room for the first year or so and was very colicky, screamed the house down on several occasions, and our neighbour complained (more than once), as her bedroom was next to ours. It made me feel awful. And also quite angry, because she knew we only had two bedrooms (ds1 was in the other one) - she lived alone and had three bedrooms to choose from. So, if that's what you want, then go ahead. Otherwise - earplugs!

Original poster
willow · 10/09/2009 12:30

OrmIrian - likewise.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 10/09/2009 12:30

Can you not change your house about at all for a while? Sleep in the lounge? Swap with your children (they always seem unaffected by newborns)

Original poster
willow · 10/09/2009 12:31

NA - spare room is about the same size, maybe bigger.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 10/09/2009 12:31

Alternatively look into Soundproofing your room because it isn't likely to improve - there are cheapish ways of doing this if you or your DH are any good at DIY

Original poster
willow · 10/09/2009 12:32

MP - nope - house is not set up for swapping round. Plus, much easier to move a newborn into an empty room than an entire family!

Anyhow, I came, I asked and now I'm going, safe in the knowledge that the only kind solution is ear plugs or to move out.

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 10/09/2009 12:33

YABU.

FlorenceandtheWashingMachine · 10/09/2009 12:34

I kept checking with my old neighbours whether our DD1 was keeping them awake as we lived in a terrace with poor soundproofing. My lovely neighbour denied that they could hear anything at all. I was a bit surprised as we could hear her DH snoring and them having rows and I later discovered the truth when I walked into the nursery to hear her little boy sobbing on the other side of the wall and shouting, "Please, please, stop crying!" at my DD

I honestly do not know what I would do in your shoes, Willow. Sorry. I am totally on the fence on this one as I can understand how dreadful the sleep deprivation must be, but also appreciate how dreadful it can be coping with a small baby.

Could you have a coffee with her and see if she raises the topic? We eventually resorted to controlled crying and I warned the neighbours in advance for which they were very grateful.

morningpaper · 10/09/2009 12:35

No those are not the two other options, you could look into Soundproofing, which would be cheaper than moving out. Unfortuantely, houses with children are a squillion times more noisy than houses without children, and it isn't likely to improve any time soon. Your neighbours are probably getting their revenge for all the times your children have screamed/banged/watched telly too loud.

When we had children our neighbours installed some insulation and full-length wardrobes on their side, which has helped with the noise.

ElectricElephant · 10/09/2009 12:38

Haha... try it and see what happens!

I think you're likely to get a beating from the sleep-deprived

pigletmania · 10/09/2009 12:39

No, i am afraid its not your business what routine they follow unless the child was being abused then you would have cause for concern. Mabey they want the baby to get used to their own bedroom, in the long run it could be good thing. I dont know how you hear their cries before they do, as i would hear my babies cries froma a mile off, and would wake up with every little cough or murmar.

GetOrfMoiLand · 10/09/2009 12:44

I don't think you are being unreasonable to be annoyed with this at all. To be honest I would go and say that the baby is keeping you awake and see how the land lies. It may go horribly wrong though and yoou may be told to sod off in no uncertain terms.

Other than that though, I don't know what to suggest. Don't think that you a being VV unreasonable as some posters suggest.

BitOfFun · 10/09/2009 12:48

Well, I will go against the grain here and say YANBU to mention it to them. You could ask politely if it's possible for the baby to sleep in another room that doesn't abutt yours, just until it's sleeping for longer. My neighbours did the same to me, (i.e. mention they were being kept awake) and I wasn't offended. And I did swap the kids' rooms around.

CarmelitaMiggs · 10/09/2009 12:49

Nope, there's nothing you can do

If a neighbour had complained about my babies waking them up at night, it would have made those already ghastly nights totally unspeakable

When both sets of neighbours had newborns who woke us up, DH and I used to go, 'thank god we're past that bit' and stick in the plugs and go back to sleep feeling freshly pleased with our lot

And when we met them on the pavement we would say, 'No, we can't hear a thing'

BitOfFun · 10/09/2009 12:49

Although every four hours isn't much, though, surely that's copeable?

timmette · 10/09/2009 12:49

I think you are being very unreasonable. My son cried for 3 months day and night, and for 2 months he was in our room, in our bed and no amount of cuddling, instant attention, feeding etc would settle him - this may be the casse for her - what do you suggest she gag him. Sometimes I lay there thinking maybe he will stop in 5 minutes, I was sleep deprived and exhausted - but there were no other options, in the end I had to put him in his room as dh had to be able to function at work.
And I would have felt I was a totally crap mother if a neighbour had come complaining. You sound really unsympathetic.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 10/09/2009 13:03

timmette, i think that you've got the wrong end of the stick, tbh. if she knew that the parents were dealing with it, imo, it would be a lot easier to bear. and what's the big deal about moving a baby into another room anyway, if they've got one? (please don't say that the wallpaper in the nursery might have teddies on it).

willow, am fine. well, i have a chest infection but apart from that...

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 10/09/2009 13:03

timmette, i think that you've got the wrong end of the stick, tbh. if she knew that the parents were dealing with it, imo, it would be a lot easier to bear. and what's the big deal about moving a baby into another room anyway, if they've got one? (please don't say that the wallpaper in the nursery might have teddies on it).

willow, am fine. well, i have a chest infection but apart from that...

LisaD1 · 10/09/2009 13:08

Hmmm... Tricky one.. In my reasonable frame of mind (which I'm in today!) I would say YANBU to politley mention it BUT then I remember how totally unreasonable I felt a few weeks into being a new mummy and if one of my neighbours had said they were being kept awake by my newborn I'm afraid I would have been less than polite!

Sorry, not much help Willow! How well do you usually get along with the neighbour? Is she someone you could mention it to over a cuppa?

kitkatqueen · 10/09/2009 13:09

willow, then im with mumblechum, does anyone on here really think its ok to leave a 2 week old baby to cry? Ok i'm sure that someone will but personally I would have to come up with a way to mention that the babe was keeping me awake. If she's trying controlled crying doesn't that need to be done when they are much older? What benefit do you get from letting a baby cry? I have a 2 week old and after 5 mins he would be really distressed.

Yes there might be someone sleeping in the room with him and he might be crying in spite of cuddles /feeding, but i don't think its fair for you to be woken if they can put him/her in a diff room.

I made a point of asking my neighbours if they could hear my baby at night.

yanbu imvho

NoahAmin · 10/09/2009 13:09

GOD no
tell her "oi lady get that baby and get it away from ME"

YANBU

kitkatqueen · 10/09/2009 13:15

lol at noah

BitOfFun · 10/09/2009 13:16

I love yopur new name Noah- kind of like Idi's Scouse and Mean brother

SlartyBartFast · 10/09/2009 13:17

have you seen the baby? is it gorgeous?

are you on good terms with neighbour?

i hadnt realised until dd was 8 months or so that having the baby monitor downstairs wasnt helpign matters - reverberating round house and the neighbour made some comment
the sound of a new born baby crying is awful anyway isnt it. when you are not in a postion to comfort it.

i spose if you dont tell them they are never going to know, on the other hand the baby should will get better.

leave it a few weeks then see is all i suggest