to be contemplating asking my neighbour to move her newborn into her bedroom at night?

[willow]

Essentially, we live in a semi and neighbour's new baby is in a room that's next to our bedroom. Neighbour is on the floor above. Upshot is that we wake up from baby's cries, well before its parents do. Not even going to go down the advice to prevent cotdeath route, or fact that I think there might be a she who must not be named routine being followed.

Should I ask them, politely, to contemplate having baby in same room as them, at least for a little while until it's settled into a bit more of a routine? Appreciate that I can't demand they rethink where they're siting the nursery - but don't see why we should be disturbed more than the actual parents.

YABU.
DS2 was a terrible sleeper as a baby. One day my neighbour appeared at the door with a bunch of flowers saying she thought I must need "cheering up" because DS was keeping me up all night!
She was trying to show sympathy but in my sleep deprived state I thought this was passive agressive behaviour since there was nothing I could do to stop DS from waking/crying.

You absolutely can't do it, no matter how much it is disturbing you. It won't be forever (hopefully!) I can hear my neighbour snoring through the wall and it's horrible but I wouldn't dream of mentioning it.

To me, it sounds like they've probably got a routine that means they wait five minutes to see if they settle, as opposed to they can't hear.

YABVU

I promise not to put Take That on at 4am, pissed, and won't say a word. Ear plugs it is.

I don't think YABU to find it really hard.

I don't know what you could do to change things though.

Also, fully realise that nb can't help it - just hungry or lonely. Probably hungry if the 4 hourly gaps are much to go by.

How old is the baby?

YABU

YABVU which I know you don't want to hear. It's not nice being woken by a baby, but it is part of life, and they want to have their baby in that room so that's up to them.

DS was in our room for the first 6 months, then when we put him into his own room, we had 5 months of no sleep at all, he screamed all night every night. Next baby, I intend to put in it's own room from early on- put a apnoea monitor on it (we have one from DS), a movement alarm matress thingy and a video monitor, and leave it at that. I will go to it immediately when it cries, but I can't do the putting it in it's own room thing again, so I will start it from day one so that it knows where it sleeps.

I don't think you're being unreasonable actually. Why should your sleep be ruined every night?

I think I'd have a word as they may not realise that the baby's waking you up several times a night, and ask if they could perhaps swap rooms so the baby's on the top floor and they're next to you.

Kitkat - it's a few weeks.

I really sympathize - I can't imagine surviving my own babies only to have to live through somebody else's. If they are 'establishing a routine', I hope it works quickly.

I think we forget what newborns are like otherwise we would never have another baby.

This phase will pass and it will get better. The newborn stage is hard however you decide to parent.

I suspect the crying wouldn't bother you so much if they were all in the same room together (even if it was the room next to yours) and you didn't suspect they were following a routine, perhaps?

But yes, I'm afraid YABU. Not much you can do.

I wouldn't have thought they would want the baby on the top floor. That's a lot of stairs to keep going up and down in the daytime when you are trying to settle them down for a nap. Is their spare room on the same floor as the baby's room or the top floor?

No you aren't being unreasonable to think it. Babies are very disturbing little beings. Parents have to tolerate it as they chose to bring them into the world. Neighbours shouldn't have to. My DC are loud but only during the day - my neighbours don't get disturbed at nights.

I don't think you can do this though. I don't know how you tackle it. But you are not being unreasonable to have less than charitable thoughts . Ear plugs and the thought that it will pass as all I can suggest.

TBH from your last post it sounds like you're actually more pissed about baby having it's own room and the routine rather than you being disturbed...

...not that I blame you

Yes, if they were all in the same room it would probably make it easier to accept - but not because I have any inbuilt hatred of routines from an early age. It wasn't how I chose to parent but each to their own.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to want to tell them. YABU if you actually do though.

FWIW mine never cried at nights for long. They were in with us and if they cried they got cuddled and fed. No-one other than DH and I (usually me ) were disturbed.

Yuck yuck, bad luck. Sounds like you've got loads of floor though - why not swap your bedroom for another room for a few months? TBH it is probably not going to get much better - toddlers waking at 5a.m. anyone?!

To clarify, easier to accept because there would be no other option - not because I'm jealous that their house is bigger than ours! But yes, there's another room on the same floor that's spare.

MP - catch up! We have no other floors or rooms.