My husband has been mugged (or something). I lack sympathy. Am I very horrible or just slightly awful?

[NeverLeapfrogOverAUnicorn]

On another of his benders. Went off to get computer fixed at 930am yesterday morning. About 3pm I phoned him 4 times in a row - it rang but no answer and then the 5th time his phone was off I wouldn't mind but I was only trying to get him because I needed a number that's stored on his phone! I didn't give a shit where he was! Anyway, I digress...

So no sign of him last night. I took the kids to my parents' house, had a moan (and a fag!) came home, went to bed. No sign of him this morning. Oh well, I thought. Went to Tesco, came back. Cos you see, I no longer care where he is when he disappears. I just plod on with my day.

Got a phone call from him. "Turned your mobile back on now I see" was my opener

Anyway. Turns out the stupid drunken fuck met some blokes last night, went with them back to their place to carry on drinking and overhead them in another room talking about beating him up and taking his wallet!

So he legged it!

But no wallet or keys

And he's been wandering round for hours because he didn't want to call me!

So I am now waiting for locksmith, have cancelled all the cards, and am waiting for him to get up (yes, he went to bed cos he's knackered and upset!) so he can report it to the police so I can get a crime number which is the only way the insurance company will change my car lock!

Oh, and we are now £80 lighter so lets hope the kids old school shoes still fit cos I now can't buy them new ones.

I know I ought to feel sorry for him but I just think he's a twat and maybe this'll teach him!

I do not agree with the "do nothing, it will get better or worse". That is passive, and makes people stay too long in crap relationships, chipping away at self-esteem bit by horrible bit. Just waiting for something really bad to happen is no way to live a life

what if that something really bad involves your kids ?

I do agree with taking back your life, stop enabling him, make your active own decision, your ego will thank you for it

you are woth more than this, no matter what you think, and your children deserve a better example than this fuckwit who knows he has a problem but makes no effort to address it

Hecate sweetheart, you know we are right...

i agree with shineon.

Is this the man who took the piss out of your for wanting to spend £20 on a night out for both of you tonight?

Well one hell of a way to make sure you don't go isnt it and I bet he has spent way more than that on himself

what shine said.

and also, having been lonely in a marriage with XH I would take a life as a lone parent over that ANY day of the week - nothing lonelier than being in a marriage like that. not to mention it's soul destroying as well.

I too would rather be on my own than putting up with this shit

But I believe Hec physically relies on him for some things.

Hec, if you are there, and you want to tell us, exactly what do you rely on him for ?

You seem to be pretty mobile from what you say...going to Tesco's, going to pick him up etc, all with the kids in tow I suppose

so what do you need him for exactly ?

If I am off the mark here, tell me

I saw this thread earlier, i didnt realise it was you Hecate, can i just say, you only get one shot at life (i'm stating the obvious i know) and being a single parent is not a sad and lonely life, far from it, you get to be 'you' completely, without anyone judging, you get to make all the decisions, you learn to make the most of your time, i would rather be alone and living my life the way i want, than just be 'existing' with someone who makes me unhappy, a fwiw, a happy parent makes for happy children, regardless of the situation, unhappy parents make stressful children, no matter how much they might try to hide it

Hope things get better for you soon

Blimey CaptainRex - is that what happened?

didn't he do exactly the same last week?
It was you wasn't it?

Another thing to bear in mind is that you could well end up with a dose of something nasty if he is out on two day benders and having casual sex.

Hecate - this is getting worse

What do your family think?

nancy, from memory, I don't think they actually have a sex-life

shit, sorry hec, that is from another thread and I am out of order

although, it is yet another reason for you to reflect on what you actually get from this relationship

sorry

Bellavita I'm only linking the OP's name to this post by the same name

Thanks CaptainR.

He is treating you like a piece of nothing Hecate.. please do not let him do this.

isnt your sister on here? hopefully she will be there for you after reading this thread

I haven't seen Hec's sister for a while.

I think, from what I have read in the past Reality, she is totally dependent on him for everything.

just logged back on. Am reading through now. Wow. what a lot of responses! Am expecting lots of 'tough love' and hard truths!

then will tell you about my conversation with him.