To restrict my husband from low paid job?

[toja555]

My 16-month old DS is currently staying with my husband at home because husband is unemployed. I earn 30k a year and this is our all family budget. My husband is an accountant, but has been unemployed for 8 months and is desperate to take any work even paid 12k a year (min rate 5.95). I checked government website based on this assumption (42k a year) and average cost of childcare £200/week and it came out that the child/working tax credits we will get is roughly £40 a month? With this presumption I want him to stay at home instead of choosing a low paid job because it is just does not pay off!

My question is, am I right in my presumptions? Because my DH is very upset with me restricting him from work.

oneopinionatedmother, may I ask what kind of job do you do?

i collect debt over the phone - technically this is 'sales ledger management' which gives you a good grounding in company finance and how it works (though at a basic level) .other people i worked with have gone to train as accountants - though undeniably a step back for a trained accountant it at least would mean staying in a related field. Some of my colleagues have gone on to better jobs within the bank.

pay is better than minimum wage, and work is secure (as debt needs collecting whether things are good or bad) - i think if i were interviewed for accountancy it would be much easier to sell as useful experience than any other job I've done.

alwayslookingforanswers - I understand that the ops taxes are being used for tax credits too. And onopinionatedmother - I really do believe in benefits and help for those that need it - we all do at some time or another. However, if the ops dh worked and their income was 42k a year they wouldnt get help with childcare through tax credits. And the taxcredits would reduce considerably from what they are getting now. I fully understand why this would make it unattractive to work as effectively you are working for practically nothing . But the cost in tax credits to the government reduces as the family earnt income goes up - albeit the actual family income stays similar. With the national debt and costs of benefits for those in real need increasing - I just think anybody who can earn, in any job they can get, should, to support themselves with no cost to the goverment. In addition, the government would be receiving more money via taxes from this family, and paying out less. Their income would increase slightly too.

Sympathies Toja. No I don't think you should 'restrict your dh' but I do think he should restrict himself a bit more.

So it sounds as if he is a bit apt to go off at tangents - he's becoming an accountant and that's the focus, giving you little time off, then all of a sudden the focus is his trip back home (understandable if he's not been home for 5 years but potentially financially disastrous at the moment). You must be wondering where the next idea is coming from and what it will mean for you financially.

I presume you are aware that both yourself and your dh can claim childcare vouchers if you are both working? This can help a bit.

I do think it would be very reasonable of you to ask him to try and find some cheaper travel, if he is set on this job, such as a liftshare with colleagues, or a more appropriate job as described by other posters, if the point is purely to work. You've already said that you're not against this - well, YANBU.

My immediate response is that if he were to say 'not going to bother even looking' he'd probably get a hard time as he'd be classed (at least by some if not toja555) as a "layabout".

Can understand predicament a little - the benefit of him going to work is not being felt, and can understand to a degree, that it's hardly breaking even, and certainly not based on regular childcare costs.

However, it's certainly true that getting back onto the ladder will be harder and harder the longer he is not in a paid position.

Has he any inclination to continue doing accountancy work (eg from home)? Is his experience in areas that would 'sell' his services to local self-employed, or small business? Just curious in case there are options which would 'keep his hand in' and not take him out of the house, or is he crawling up the walls after 8 months and that's his primary reason for taking that job?

Incidentally, when there is unemployment in excess of 10% in some parts, he proves there are jobs if someone is willing to take them, so credit to him on that aspect, even if it's far from ideal (for both of you, but for different reasons).

Being in employment (of any kind whatsoever) makes it more likely that you will find other better employment. That is a fact.

My DH could take the OP's attitude and decide that after childcare, travel costs and expenses such as suitable work clothes are taken up there is no "point" in my working but fortunately he resides in the 21st century, not the 18th.

Childcare costs are both parties' responsibility, regardless of who actually hands the money over.

Clearly before he lost his job you were a dual income household with children in childcare, so you can hardly claim he is compromising your joint family plan to have a SAHP.

Agree with some points i.e. job ladder, pension, childcare vouchers, too strong word used "restricted" (I am not native British).
Strongly disagree with others. For example, we have been supporting budget equally until he lost his jobs (we used to get similar salaries, mine was less than now at the time). Nevertheless I was on maternity leave, I used to put 50% taking from my personal (before we met) savings. It was my own decision because I knew he was going to struggle if I don't add up. I never brought up this into light until this thread now - fore does not seem fair that I am now struggle and he does choose what is better for him. Of course, he wants to buy himself trip abroad, and job literally means "money" even though I think he is being not wise because the circumstances are different (he has a child). No one ever asked me if I want to work FT, because I just have to - there is no other option for me (well, council hosue and benefits would be an option, but this is not me). I feel betrayed or cheated, because I already have enough responsibilities and here you go - another comes up - to support DH's job financially - it is difficult to do, not to mention that I don't think it is the right way to build up career. Well, maybe because unemployment is over 10%, i need to change my mind in this, however he can do much better it just would take more time.

the problem is that as time increases the chances of him finding work (of any type) decreases. It's a horrible vicious circle.

I take it both your sets of families are still back in your native countries? If so I've found that I seem to cope better with being away from my family when I was overseas, than DH did when he came over here.

5yrs is a long time not to go "home" as well. And if he's not been here that long he could still be coming to terms with it all. I know it sounds like a pathetic excuse, but to come to a new(ish) country, get married, have a child, lose your job all in a relatively short space of time is a bit of the shock to the system for anyone. And it could be that him finding working is going to be a "booster" to move forwards.

YABU, If he wants to go back to work then you should be willing to let him, even if it is only a low paid job. He is your DH not your child or employee.

toja55 I can totally understand the pressure and worry you have as the main bread winner I honestly can. You feel like you have all the responsibility and worry of keeping the roof over your heads and food on the table.
But I do think that in this case you need to respect your DH's needs to do this for his own reasons whether they be feeling the need to see a way forward for his trip back home or for his self esteem.

UPDATE: DH came back yesterday and said he can choose evening shifts which he did, but there is no much financial benefit after childcare (still needed) and travelling cost. DH impression of the job was "hard and looks like in prison".

Anyway, a new day brought a new problem. DH's family member apparently has immigration issues, DH is busy seeking solicitor's advice for him, I did not ask, just wonder who will pay for that. Of course it is important to him and if I refuse to help I will be blamed as mean and heartless. I am afraid of what has not happen yet, but presummably will happen. I don't know the details, but it seems that DH's relative was stupid enough to put himself in the problem. I think I had enough....

great news he can do evening shifts - so surely childcare costs will be less and therefore money of his wages will be there

did you talk to your/your dh company about childcare vouchers? I would be very suprised if a big firm like royal mail didnt have/offer them

toja555 - it really sounds like the issue is a relationship one of greater magnitude than just this. Have you thought about Relate (relationship counselling service) because I really think you need an impartial mediator for a discussion. You sound fed-up, your husband sounds like he's oblivious to how you feel, and I think Relate would really help.

Royal Mail do offer childcare vouchers DH looked into it.

Blondeshavemorefun, not yet, but will.

Notsochilledanymore, have not heard of Relate before (just checked their website). We have not had major issues until recently and now everything added up. I suddenly fell only like money-making machine for him.

toja555, I think that both of you need to sit down and listen to each other. Relate is brilliant for this.

"I suddenly fell only like money-making machine for him. "

How do you think he feels? He has gone out and got a job?

Prehaps he feels like a domestic slave. You loved him when he brought in a salary, but now he has low income you feel he is worthless.

I do not know what culture you are from or quite what you promise at your wedding, but in this country people promise to support their partners "For better or worse, Richer or Poorer, ..."

What do you expect your DH to do? He will be doing two jobs and is minimising childcare costs. Prehaps at worst your son will be doing half days at nursery.

I totally agree with the idea that a depressed parent is a bad thing, and that you should consider DHs feelings too.

One thing to consider is Childcare Tax Credits, which is worth looking into. Information can be found here:
Tax credits

And another thing to consider is the Childcare Vouchers scheme you can find information on this link, which shows you that things are about to change in April so it's worth signing up quickly! As you earn 30k and he earns 12k I think it might be more beneficial, because you earn more than 42k, but I'm not sure.

If you look on the second link, there is a links page with a calculator on it, and this can tell you which option will be best for you. Either way there is help out there to support you with Childcare, the government are genuinely trying to help people get back to work.

Also in the future, when your child is 5, you will have to consider that your husband may be forced to go back to work (although apparently not forced) government forces parents back to work when their child reaches 5 which may mean that you need jobs that fit around school runs or childcare.

Hope this helps.

Mary x

erm

thread over a year old, folks

YABU. You have no right to restrict him from work, You should be supporting and encouraging him to get back into work if that is what he wants to do.