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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To restrict my husband from low paid job?

219 replies

toja555 · 01/09/2009 10:04

My 16-month old DS is currently staying with my husband at home because husband is unemployed. I earn 30k a year and this is our all family budget. My husband is an accountant, but has been unemployed for 8 months and is desperate to take any work even paid 12k a year (min rate 5.95). I checked government website based on this assumption (42k a year) and average cost of childcare £200/week and it came out that the child/working tax credits we will get is roughly £40 a month? With this presumption I want him to stay at home instead of choosing a low paid job because it is just does not pay off!

My question is, am I right in my presumptions? Because my DH is very upset with me restricting him from work.

OP posts:
pleasechange · 01/09/2009 11:34

hercules I don't think OP is suggesting that the childcare costs will come out of his actual wage as such, more that she is calculating the marginal cost of him working

SomeGuy · 01/09/2009 11:36

Good point, OP is your husband now legal? You should really try and sort this out - given that you have a house and employment, there shouldn't be major difficulties in regularising this aspect of your lives.

flowerybeanbag · 01/09/2009 11:36

Why is it all I, I I? 'I can only reduce', 'if I want to spare some money', 'I am on waiting list for nursery'.

If this particular job he has found will mean a negative effect on household income, then YANBU to be concerned about it, of course not. But it doesn't sound as though you have made sure of that yet, and looked into all the detail including childcare vouchers, so you can't say that for definite at the moment.

And even if that is in fact the case, the answer is not telling your husband he can't work, it's about working together to find a job with different hours to reduce your childcare costs, for example, or him taking a further job at evenings and weekends, or whatever scenario works for your family.

mayorquimby · 01/09/2009 11:37

yabu and controlling. presumably when he does get back into work as a full-time accountant and earns more than 30k a year he can then dictate to you how you spend your time and how you organise your working life?

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 01/09/2009 11:39

My husband earns less than you do an yes it's tight and yes when I first return to work it will be just as tight but there is no way on this earth my husband would ever complain about that.
And I totally agree with someguy what a thoroughly awful statement to make about your husband you don't sound like you have much love and respect for the man at all.

SecretNinjaChipmunk · 01/09/2009 11:39

ok if its central london has he looked at cheapest fares like oyster/ travel cards? i'm very surprised he can't get book keeping work in london, full time, part time or work from home. i live in greater london and its often advertised on fish4jobs and reed.

if he was working illeagally, is he now legal?

whilst i appreciate your money concerns i tyhink you both need to be more reasonable with each other and waitingfornemo is right that if you show him more support he might be more willing.

excuse the terrible spelling today.....

alwayslookingforanswers · 01/09/2009 11:39

why did you buy a house if finances are so tight there's no room for manoeuvre at all??

anniemac · 01/09/2009 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
toja555 · 01/09/2009 11:41

That was DH?s initial plan to get low-paid evening-weekend job and continue to look for accounts job and pursue his qualification day time. This is our plan which we both agreed and happy about. However he has been looking for evening-weekend job (like Tesco?s, through Job centre) with no success and decided to take up FT mail sorter job. It is his own decision. I am not happy about this because it lowers our already tight family budget.

OP posts:
hercules1 · 01/09/2009 11:42

It does seem like there is more wrong with this relationship than just him going to work. Sounds like the dh isnt pulling his weight overall in the relationship.

Original poster
toja555 · 01/09/2009 11:43

AddictedtoCrunchies, yes that's right. His friend got a job for him that time. Now DH is fully legalised.

OP posts:
SomeGuy · 01/09/2009 11:44

It does seem like there is more wrong with this relationship than just him going to work. Sounds like the dh isnt pulling his weight overall in the relationship.

Well that could be due to him being illegal (?) and marginalised as a result....

Original poster
toja555 · 01/09/2009 11:47

Alwayslookingforanswers we bought a house because our mortgage payment for 2 bed house is the same as our rent for 1 bedroom flat, if was financially viable for us to buy.

OP posts:
Original poster
toja555 · 01/09/2009 11:47

SecretNinjaChipmunk, we are in central London, but DH?s job is in Gatwick?

OP posts:
hercules1 · 01/09/2009 11:49

eh? Someguy, I have seen your opinion before about immigrants so I am not going to get into a discussion with you as we have very opposing views.

The issues I was refering to were the division of labour.

SomeGuy · 01/09/2009 11:57

what is my opinion of immigrants, pray tell?

I'm not sure what experience you have of it, but my wife is in immigrant and she and her friends tend to be marginalised by the employment market for a variety of reasons.

Why do you think so many Poles with good degrees in academic subjects end up doing building work?

Morloth · 01/09/2009 11:58

Only read the OP.

I am always amazed when people use language like "restrict" when in relation to another thinking adult. If I tried to restrict my husband from something I would be looking for a new husband and vice versa. I would have an opinion and voice it, but LOL at stopping him.

40 quid is 40 quid and it also means that he is employed which makes it much much easier to get another job.

alwayslookingforanswers · 01/09/2009 11:58

you bought a 2 bedroom house in central London on a annual salary of 30k???

Original poster
toja555 · 01/09/2009 12:02

colditz

How much is the childcare - per day ? nursery £36 (can?t get one ATM), childminder £45 the least
How much are the travel costs - per day ? train £13.60
And what would his pay be - per day ? £5.95 gross for 7 or 8 hours (not sure how much is net)

I check with HMRC if we entitled to any CTC with the assumed total income and childcare costs but it estimates around £39 month ? not more than £10 a week.

I have heard about childcare vouchers, but my employer does not seem to offer this, I need to find out why.

OP posts:
SomeGuy · 01/09/2009 12:02

Morloth: in point of fact it's £40 of tax credits that they are entitled to anyway (the family element). The OP's DH working as a mail sorter on £12k/year, will, after childcare costs, reduce their net income.

Original poster
toja555 · 01/09/2009 12:04

Alwayslookingforanswers, this is off-topic, but yes I did subject to good deposit. Central London means zone 4.

OP posts:
SomeGuy · 01/09/2009 12:05

The OP's husband is looking at a net income of about £10-£10.5k/year. Which would probably all go on childcare, leaving nothing left at all.

Overtime won't work out very well, as £5.95/hour is £4.11/hour net, which is less than the stated child care costs.

Morloth · 01/09/2009 12:05

That sucks then, but I can still see the benefit if he is going out of his mind. I know I get to that point sometimes and go get a job. Childcare vouchers will make a big difference. They are super easy to set up - you could consider offering to do it for your company OP.

FioFioFio · 01/09/2009 12:09

a retail organisation would not keep a qualified accountant who is most probably dynamic and ambitious in a £5.95 p/h job for long. Also if it is retail he is looking at, it is highly flexible and childcare required may well be minimal

SomeGuy · 01/09/2009 12:11

zone 4 is not central London, fwiw, some parts of zone 4 are not even in Greater London. I would be surprised if you could not find child care for £3.50/hour or perhaps £3.

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