to think a priest shouldn't invite little girls into his home

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

Ok this is my 3rd AIBU of the night and usually steer clear of this section because it's scary

But anyway, everyone's being unreasonable at the mo and I need to get it out.

So we went to our priest the other night to sort out our wedding blessing. He's a nice guy, a little odd, but nice and about 60. We went to his house next to the church and school. When he opened the door there was a little girl of about 7 playing in the car park. He shouted to her 'would you like to come in?' she said no and he said 'why? Come in.' so she did.

Then he said 'where do you want to go? Do you want to watch television or talk?' she said watch TV and clearly felt a little uncomfortable. So he said 'right that's upstairs'. We followed and sorted out the blessing. He then gave DS and the girl a teddy each from his collection. We left and the little girl stayed.

He didn't ask her parents if she could come in- they wouldn't have known where she was, and it was just her and him.

Clearly nothing untoward, but it seems a bit naive for a man to invite a young girl into his home when no one else is there. All kinds of accusations could fly around.

Priest is being silly. HE is putting himself in a vulnerable position. This might come back to bite him on the bum in 10 yrs time, regardless of whether there is "anything untoward going on"

very silly, naive and highly unprofessional!! (clergymans daughter speaking!)

perhaps the situation is this....girl always coming to play on own in car park, always asking can i come and play with your dog. priest always says no BECAUSE of the cp regs. UNLESS he has other people with him.....so when you turned up he had already said no to the girl, but then saw her and asked her in. we cannot speculate, not convict a man on the OPs info! BUT the fact remains, he was in the wrong.

I let other people's children into my house all the time without letting the parent's know. My children are often round at other people's houses and I never get phoned up about it.

I understand that it is different for a priest, but the idea now appearing on this thread that no adult should let a child into their house seems very sad indeed. What an unpleasant world view a lot of children are going to grow up with.

Milly, the rules are Diocesan rules. The same rules don't apply to the public at large.

Church child protection policies have come about in recent years following many scandals in the church. Paedophiles did seek refuge in the church because it was an easy place to get access to children, with parents trusting church workers, especially in the RCC where a priest is in place of Jesus (and so has unquestionable trust from parents).

With the advent of Child protection laws and codes of practice, it is very difficult for a paedophile to operate in a church setting.

In other settings, a parent wouldn't automatically be as trusting, and therefore more skeptical about the motives of anyone befriending children.

I am surprised that you invite children into your house without their parents' permission. When our kids have been playing with other children on the street, inevitably they ask if they can invite their friends in. I always tell the child to go and get their parent's permission. This is not a CP issue, but just so that the parent knows where their child is. It is easy to glance out onto the street and see all is well, but faced with 30 closed doors is much more worrying for them.

How did I grow up so naive? I spent my childhood wandering into other peoples homes, not all of them known to my parents.

Am also puzzled by the inconsistency between Panini's two posts - OP in which she says she was there 'to sort out our wedding blessing' and later post in which she describes the blessing in detail in the past tense.

Bloody hell you're right...mentions seeing priest to arrange blessing in OP then describes it in past tense later.

If this is trolling 'tis seriously fucked up

Fine morning paper, it was last friday night lol that's 'the other night' to me. We had our blessing last Saturday.

Lynette- I THINK that only one of the couple has to be catholic to get it blessed but I've got to say, he didn't actually ask us if we were Catholic! He said my sister would have to sign for 'church records' but when it came to it she didn't have to- we asked and he said 'oh no it doesn't matter'. I hope we are actually like married in eyes of God sort of thing. Maybe he was just humouring us!!

erm

are you SURE he's a catholic priest?

what paperwork did you DO, exactly?

Hmm just read the rest of this.. so am I not blessed or what? He refered to it as a blessing! But then I've never heard of the other thing? I will be most annoyed if we're not properly church-married IYSWIM.

OH FFS I got married abroad in July, I had my blessing 22nd August and I saw him the night before- 21st when DH finished work. I am not happy with being called a troll by the way. Look me up, I'm pregnant and have been through TTC and a MC with mumsnet!! Why is it so unbelievable?

Crossposted. MP- yes, Catholic, it's where my nana got married and it's where DS will be going to school eventually. We didn't do any paperwork at all. Just chatted through why we wanted a blessing, where we got married etc.

Oh great. He hasn't actually blessed the marriage has he? If he hasn't I'm putting a complaint in!

I'm a bit worried that you are still calling it a blessing

You SOUND as though you've seen an Anglican priest (or Anglo-Catholic)

You'd have needed something like: copies of baptism certificates; attended a marriage prep 'course' (or meeting or two at least); various forms and paperwork e.g. probably 'marriage investigation' and 'marriage inquiry form'; and attending confession beforehand.

Errmmm no sorry, it really doesn't sound valid at all.

I think you might need to speak to the Bishop!

Did you give him copies of your baptismal certificates?

Does it say "MARY STREET MOTORS - FOR ALL YOUR CAR NEEDS" above the rectory door?

You're joking? He didn't even ask to see our marriage certificate.

I rang the priest at my parish first, before we decided to go to the other one, and he had mentioned we'd have to go for a 'few meetings' in the run up and he mentioned there being 'significant' paperwork. This other priest just said to call in the day before.

I had also heard that if you're not married in church (or blessed) then you can't have your last rights read to you. Which terrifies me. This was a big reason why I had the church ceremony, too. Sooo... can I not have my last rights read? I knew I should have just gone to my own priest

I think there are quite a few preists who bend rules a bit when it comes to things such as blessings, or what ever.

It keeps the congregation happy.

This will no daoubt shock and alarm lots of you.

Lynette 'bending the rules' in the Catholic church effectively means that the laws are not met and therefore the magic ain't working

That's why dispensations are needed for all sorts of things

No, sorry, it doesn't sound as though you have been sacramentally married. What a bummer. You need to email the Bishop and discuss the matter.

You can have last rites if you are a Muslim. A catholic priest will not refuse last rites to anyone who is repentent and asks for them, as far as I know. So you're all right there. However, without convalidation, you aren't allowed to take communion. Or have sex with your husband. So you should get it clarified.

morningpaper are you an escaped Catholic?

No one has called you a troll. You have explained the dates now but you must admit OP was a tad ambiguous with regards to time of blessing.

Sorry I don't recognise your name, had a bit of a (rather long) MN hiatus and there are many new names.

Greeny I'm a divorced-and-remarried catholic

so I'm an anglican

Jesus loathed legalism, and the Christian faith frees us from this scourge.

Run away from the legalism that is being spouted on this thread. Satan lives here.