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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a priest shouldn't invite little girls into his home

261 replies

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 18:44

Ok this is my 3rd AIBU of the night and usually steer clear of this section because it's scary

But anyway, everyone's being unreasonable at the mo and I need to get it out.

So we went to our priest the other night to sort out our wedding blessing. He's a nice guy, a little odd, but nice and about 60. We went to his house next to the church and school. When he opened the door there was a little girl of about 7 playing in the car park. He shouted to her 'would you like to come in?' she said no and he said 'why? Come in.' so she did.

Then he said 'where do you want to go? Do you want to watch television or talk?' she said watch TV and clearly felt a little uncomfortable. So he said 'right that's upstairs'. We followed and sorted out the blessing. He then gave DS and the girl a teddy each from his collection. We left and the little girl stayed.

He didn't ask her parents if she could come in- they wouldn't have known where she was, and it was just her and him.

Clearly nothing untoward, but it seems a bit naive for a man to invite a young girl into his home when no one else is there. All kinds of accusations could fly around.

OP posts:
Original poster
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 29/08/2009 11:49

The priest's front room was upstairs. She went up to watch TV and we were sent up too. Had she gone into the sitting room downstairs, I think we would have gone in there too, though. I think we were basically going to go wherever she went. He only has one room downstairs (apart from the kitchen) as the school nursery is in the big room in the downstairs of his house- this is locked up at night when the kids leave. She asked to go in the nursery and he said 'no, it's locked up now'. It had a big padlock on it. I've been in the downstairs of his house before, when we went to view the nursery to see if Godson's mum was going to send him there. I guess she could have gone to the nursery a few years before and that's how she knows him?

Originally, I thought he thought that the little girl was with us and that's why he was telling her to come in IYSWIM. But then she started asking to see the dog, who was outside, so I realised she already knew him. But she was very shy of him, so it's not like she knew him overly well, but she knew him to chat to. And she knew where the TV room was without being shown.

OP posts:
Original poster
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 29/08/2009 11:51

Tether- I cross posted sorry.

I don't usually come on AIBU so I didn't know there had been trolling lately. But I suppose it is summer holidays, that time of year for them to come out from under their bridges.

OP posts:
BlueGreen · 29/08/2009 14:07

Totally agree with Pink. If i was the OP I would stay there for a while and make some excuse to go back or even wait outside. As you all know we live in a dirty! world and my mojo is "guilty until its proven innocent!"

posieparker · 29/08/2009 14:25

No adult should invite a young child into his house without asking their parents. A higher proportion of priests have been accused or convicted of child abuse than electricians. I think it's really dodgy and let's face it he's not going to have OFFENDER across his forehead, is he?

snapple · 29/08/2009 21:31

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied what action did you decide to take with regards to the priest having the girl at his place?

Just wondering if there is an update.

hotpotato11 · 29/08/2009 22:21

Sorry don't believe this story.It has changed so much since the beginning with the info about the dog and the nursery.
OP says the nursery is downstairs along with one of the vicar's sitting rooms and his kitchen.Never heard of this sort of set up ie a nursery being a padlocked room within a dwelling house before?

snapple · 30/08/2009 06:01

Hotpotato - [hmmm] the separation of the dwelling house and nursery seems strange - and then when you think about it - very strange especially for a vulnerable child, if he then let a child in to watch TV.

However, if there is truth to this story then I do want to know what the OP has done about it, she just has to do or have done something already (given that she has had a marriage blessing too).

Original poster
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 30/08/2009 08:01

FFS I don't care who believe it and who doesn't. Cannot believe I've come on here past few days trying to convince people I'm not a liar! I don't have to so I'm not going to any more.

Just so you know, I have told nothing but the truth and I'm really insulted that people have said otherwise. No more AIBU for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 30/08/2009 08:08

And I'm not doing anything about it. My thread was basically 'do you think this man is being naive and eventually going to get accused of something for inviting kids into his home unsupervised', not 'is this man a pervert?' or 'am I big disgusting liar' for that matter.

OP posts:
Celia2 · 30/08/2009 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onagar · 30/08/2009 12:00

Just read the first few and skipped to the end. It makes the contrast more obvious. I can't be bothered to go through it all now, but if a padlocked nursary and a dog and further conversations with the child (which just by chance support the original post) have appeared we all know what that means.

What you have is basically 'a man spoke to a child and I don't know if she knew him or was a relative or in his care, but he invited her in openly in front of us with no trace of guilt or attempt at concealment'

So what should you do? Bugger all except get help to stop seeing men as all monsters. It's insulting and sexist. No different from "oh watch out there's a black/gypsy man! he'll probably try to steal something'

tethersend · 30/08/2009 14:38

onagar, I think that is a very polarised view of the situation.

I'm sorry you think it is insulting for the OP to be suspicious. Please read the whole thread- I know it's long, but people on both sides of the argument have raised some excellent points.

hocuspontas · 30/08/2009 14:49

Why wouldn't the nursery be secured? All sorts of people come into a priests house and the nursery leader wants to know that in the morning the place is how she left it. Seems normal.

katiestar · 30/08/2009 15:43

I think it is a strange set up.I mean parents traipsing in and out of his private house to deliver and collect children and all the other visitors a nursery entails.And the kitchen and downstairs sitting room. Why did you get shown round there with a prospective nursery child ? Surely the nursery don't share a domestic kitchen !!I think the whole thing Would create some pretty strange insurance issues I would have thought ?
If all the kids are used to coming in and out of his house ,then it doesn't sound quite so weird.
I am guessing in this instance that the girl was a child of a parisioner doing something in the church or perhaps a cleaner at the school and oparents were known to the vicar maybe they had even asked him to keep an eye out for her.

pigletmania · 30/08/2009 16:25

Mabey he was looking after his neice or relative. Why does everything now have to look peverted and sick. We cannot even look at a child without being branded a paedophile. I saw a child crying for her mummy in Morrisons one day, i was doubious as to whether i should help, but I felt it my duty to as it would be on my conscience if anything were to happen to that little girl. I took her to the customer services and at the same time her mum came up to get the little girl and thank me.

pigletmania · 30/08/2009 16:28

When i was little in the early 80's there used to be a man who would invite us to his house and give us sweets, a lovely lovely kindly old man with good inentions, now neighbours would say eye eye whats going on here, and the poor old man branded a paedophile.

Katisha · 30/08/2009 18:20

I couldn't help feeling annoyed with a man on the train yesterday though. He was out with his wife and quite a loud, pleased with himself type of chap. He had a packet of sweets because he couldn't smoke on the train and kept going on and on at a little girl opposite to take one, even though the mother was evidently quite uncomfortable with it all , and had probably told her not to take sweeets from strangers. No he didn't mean any harm, but it was very confusing for the child.

snapple · 30/08/2009 19:47

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied

So now you are not doing anything about it? Wow that might be a big call / it might not be a big call. We simply don't know.

There may be nothing inappropriate and it may be a case of the priest just being silly, even though there is a nursery attached to his house. You have stated earlier that the child clearly felt uncomfortable

But you ?think he's a kind old man who has formed a friendship with a girl who plays outside his home and goes to the school. Obviously, to an outsider, it looks like he is being inappropriate.?

So while your AIBU may in reference to your perceived naivity of the priest understand that other posters will think that it could look inappropriate.

Please understand that many of the posters do think it could look and be inappropriate. I would have thought a priest who had a dwelling next to a nursery would have had some training about inviting unsupervised children into his home, especially as the girl initially said NO.

Could you not just make some appropriate inquiries and hopefully put the issue to rest?

snapple · 31/08/2009 11:19

.... and i am posting again as I have thought about this and I am really not comfortable with the OP doing nothing.

Anyone else agree that OP should do something........

slushy06 · 31/08/2009 11:31

I agree with snapple op how would you feel if you do nothing and something is going on and you could have stopped it. A damn site worse I would imagine than if you report it and nothing is going on. There are many reasons for why this may have happened but some are sinister and as you don't know with certainty that all is ok I wouldn't want to gamble with a little girls life I think you should report it as it is a priest they most likely be discreet.

pinkfizzle · 31/08/2009 12:05

You must do something, don't stand back. if it comes to nothing then great.

Original poster
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 31/08/2009 12:24

I thought everyone was slating me for bringing this up? I don't want to look stupid if I say something.

And so many people on this thread have tried to say I am lying that what if the bishop won't believe that he invited the girl in?

If I report it, who do I report it to?

OP posts:
posieparker · 31/08/2009 12:31

To many cases where suspect situations have been ignored, little girls staring out of windows, little boys screaming.... If I ever had suspicions I would report anyone.

Report it to the police, it's not as if the Catholic church are qualified to deal with handling child abuse...it is against the law.

Goblinchild · 31/08/2009 12:34

How to contact your Bishop.

Google
Type in Bishop of (whatever your diocese is)
His website should come up, with address and email.

Or ask for your local community police officer, tell them your concerns

posieparker · 31/08/2009 12:36

I don't understand why anyone would inform a Bishop about a suspicious man. If he is an abuser then he may just be moved to abuse elsewhere.