to think a priest shouldn't invite little girls into his home

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

Ok this is my 3rd AIBU of the night and usually steer clear of this section because it's scary

But anyway, everyone's being unreasonable at the mo and I need to get it out.

So we went to our priest the other night to sort out our wedding blessing. He's a nice guy, a little odd, but nice and about 60. We went to his house next to the church and school. When he opened the door there was a little girl of about 7 playing in the car park. He shouted to her 'would you like to come in?' she said no and he said 'why? Come in.' so she did.

Then he said 'where do you want to go? Do you want to watch television or talk?' she said watch TV and clearly felt a little uncomfortable. So he said 'right that's upstairs'. We followed and sorted out the blessing. He then gave DS and the girl a teddy each from his collection. We left and the little girl stayed.

He didn't ask her parents if she could come in- they wouldn't have known where she was, and it was just her and him.

Clearly nothing untoward, but it seems a bit naive for a man to invite a young girl into his home when no one else is there. All kinds of accusations could fly around.

Oh, and my local nursery was booted out of their buildings and were in danger of closing down. Until the priest in his huge house gave them two enormous rooms, and a kitchen and toilets.
Yes you can walk from his home into the nursery, but on weekdays the linking door is locked. On other days, the nursery is occasionally used for parish matters.

Because if the man is naive enough to be behaving suspiciously in front of a witness and quite openly, then he's more likely to be in need of education. Plus the Bishop is more likely to act on a vague feeling of unease by the OP than the police.

there are 2 alternatives i think
Either the priest is up to no good in which case you should report it to protect her.
Second scenario the vicar is being kind but naive in which case HE needs to be protecxted against people jumping to the wrong conclusion.
The most likely thing I think is that he is related to the child or she is the child of someone closely known to him who is working at the church or the school.
I don't think you can report it to the police though !!
just write to the bishop and explain just exactly what you saw.No accusations or insinuations.

It's the fact that you felt the child was uncomfortable and somethinbg wasn't right that would make me want to take things further.

'It's certainly not a rarity in the catholic church. It's a bloody scandal.

Society's denial is one of the reason child abuse flourishes.

Any priest ought to know not to be inviting lone children into his house after what has been going on by priests towards children in the church. He's the one at fault here, not the OP. '

Frankly I'd be stunned if a RC priest invited any child into his house unchaperoned. I put out the felt pens at children's liturgy and, having been CRBed (fair enough), had to resign because they kept wanting to send me on child protection courses, which I thought was OTT for 20 minutes' contact roughly five times a year.

He must have known the child socially.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied- It is not your responsibility to decide if anything untoward was going on.

It is your responsibility to report it, and let others (social services, the bishop) ascertain what was happening. It is their job to find out what the situation was.

You are not going to be hauled over the coals as you have been on this thread; when you report it, it will be to professionals who will make their own decision as to whether or not to investigate. I think it is a shame that this thread has made you doubt yourself. I do not believe you would have posted if you were not suspicious.

You may not be the first person to have reported this priest's behaviour. I have to agree with posieparker in that too many signs have been ignored in the past with other cases.

I think you will be able to deal with reporting it and being wrong. I don't think you would deal with it so well if you said nothing and later heard that your suspicions were correct- this is testament to your genuine concern for this little girl. slushy06 makes this point very well.

Please don't feel that it is up to you to be judge and jury, that really is too much pressure on you.

I would call your local social services child protection team, ask to speak to the duty social worker and explain your concerns over the phone; then wash your hands of it. They are qualified professionals who will decide whether or not to take further action- you don't need to make this decision for them. I would print out your OP and have that in front of you as you talk, so you can be clear and remain objective. They will not prosecute an innocent man on your observation alone, please don't worry.

I work with children, and if one of them told me the story you have, even innocently, I would be required to report it to social services. If I did not and something later transpired, I would lose my job- and rightly so.

There are many people on this thread who will support you in reporting it, I am one of them- I can only urge you to follow your instincts and let the professionals decide.

Good luck

Thanks for your post tethersend and others.

Please report your recollection of events OP and as tethersend states then you can let the professionals deal with this.

'my mojo is "guilty until its proven innocent!" '

How utterly depressing.

I'm not a catholic but I feel I have to speak in their defence.Of the thousands of catholic priests only a very sm,all minority are guilty of wrongdoing.I don't think it right to say it is not a rarity.

Sadly, Katiestar, as the recent report in Ireland showed, the Catholic Church has spent decades protecting paedophile priests, refusing to contact the police and allow any investigation but instead sending them to new parishes, silencing/threatening witnesses and giving the guilty fresh opportunities to abuse.

I hope it is a tiny minority of priests, but given the Church has refused and is still refusing to identify the priests involved, or report them to the police, who knows?

Certainly there seems to be cause for concern in far more than a handful of cases.

I have had quite a bit of exposure to Catholic Church prodedures for child protection. They are rigorous: probably the most rigorous in any church or organisation in this country (see my felt pen post above).

Terrible things happened which, rightly, make people very angry. But the Church (at least in our diocese) is ultra careful about child protection almost to the point of neurosis. I also used to play in a folk band which had some child members. I was asked to go on another child protection course in case I was ever in a room with one of the children who wasn't mine. Most of them are friends' children. I said no, because of lack of time (these courses are always on weekday nights when I'd have to cancel my own children's activities and get my husband home from work early). So I simply make sure I'm not left in rooms alone with the children.

But my care is nothing in comparison with that of our priest. He will not be in a room alone with children. Ever. Under any circumstances. He is not untypical: a good man who is disgusted by the actions of some of his colleagues and who will have to live with the consequences.