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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a priest shouldn't invite little girls into his home

261 replies

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 18:44

Ok this is my 3rd AIBU of the night and usually steer clear of this section because it's scary

But anyway, everyone's being unreasonable at the mo and I need to get it out.

So we went to our priest the other night to sort out our wedding blessing. He's a nice guy, a little odd, but nice and about 60. We went to his house next to the church and school. When he opened the door there was a little girl of about 7 playing in the car park. He shouted to her 'would you like to come in?' she said no and he said 'why? Come in.' so she did.

Then he said 'where do you want to go? Do you want to watch television or talk?' she said watch TV and clearly felt a little uncomfortable. So he said 'right that's upstairs'. We followed and sorted out the blessing. He then gave DS and the girl a teddy each from his collection. We left and the little girl stayed.

He didn't ask her parents if she could come in- they wouldn't have known where she was, and it was just her and him.

Clearly nothing untoward, but it seems a bit naive for a man to invite a young girl into his home when no one else is there. All kinds of accusations could fly around.

OP posts:
Original poster
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 19:13

I'm not 'adding' anything. I've stated the facts. Make your own opinion. He wasn't looking after her- as I said, I spoke to her.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 27/08/2009 19:14

Sorry but actually inviting an unknown girl into his house WOULD be "DOING SOMETHING WRONG"

He would be FIRED for that alone

I DO NOT BELIEVE YOUR STORY

junglist1 · 27/08/2009 19:14

I let my 6 year old play out with his older brother and would go nuts if a middle aged man asked them in, priest or no priest. It probably was innocent, but my boys would be questioned afterwards no doubt about it.

summerisover · 27/08/2009 19:14

i agree that their may be a vital back story.
They may be related or at the very least well known to each other, so was not a once off as it appeared.

Perhaps he was supposed to be looking after her and once you had arrived, thought he better bring her inside?

Who knows?
More to story than meets the eye.

And remember everyone, most people are not sinister. It's a suspicious world we live in when we are wary of a priest showing some thought and kindness...

vinblanc · 27/08/2009 19:15

He is very silly inviting the girl in and then being on his own with her after you left. He is opening himself up for allegations.

We have a church policy to never be alone with a child, and when you have a group of children to have at least one male and one female leader. Children are vulnerable to abuse, but some can make allegations without understanding the consequences.

MissAnnesley · 27/08/2009 19:15

How do you know her parents didn't know where she was? Did you ask her that?

Original poster
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 19:15

Why the hell would I make it up?

I'm not a liar thank you.

OP posts:
pinkthechaffinch · 27/08/2009 19:15

I'm judging him based on what was described.
Seems very dodgy IMO.
If he is innocent, totally is right to be concerned as others in the community will also think like me-he needs help to understand how careful people have to be not to leave themselves open to accusation.

morningpaper · 27/08/2009 19:16

OK well if you are NOT making it up then you need to report him immediately

Contact the Bishop - send him an email - and explain the situation

The man will be disciplined and probably removed from his post - and rightly so, because only an imbecile who hasn't read a paper for 40 years (never mind his own Child Protection Policy) would act this way

Original poster
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 19:17

No I didn't ask her. She said she sometimes goes in to see him and his dog when she's playing out. Why the hell am I defending myself here?? Form your own opinions on it. I've just said what happened. I don't know the back story.

OP posts:
MissAnnesley · 27/08/2009 19:17

I didn't say you made it up or were lying I said you included information which was your own opinion, e.g. re. parents.

MissAnnesley · 27/08/2009 19:18

Oh sorry that liar thing was to someone else.

You are defending yourself because you have asked the question AM I BEING UNREASONABLE and some people have said YES EXTREMELY and you disagree with them.

Original poster
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 19:18

Someone else said I was lying.

OP posts:
Morloth · 27/08/2009 19:19

"I don't know the back story."

So you can't really judge if it was "silly" or not either.

Original poster
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 19:19

Ah well, sod it, AIBU ain't for me. I'll stick to the rest of the site. Cheers anyway.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 27/08/2009 19:19

If you know he was not looking after her, then why did you not take this further? If you were genuinely concerned?

What did you ask the girl? What was her reply?

Why did you not ask the priest about her? This could very easily been put into conversation., a quick "ah, looking after the grandchild?" type comment would not have sounded suspicious at all and could have cleared up any concerns.

morningpaper · 27/08/2009 19:19

Ermm sorry but you are either lying or the man needs reporting for a gross breach of his responsibilities

summerisover · 27/08/2009 19:20

Exactly!!Yes you don't know the back story, yet you are still judging him and ncouraging others to do so....

like morningpaper said - convey your concerns to the Bishop

MissAnnesley · 27/08/2009 19:21

If a Catholic priest has a grandchild, that's potentially of more interest to the Bish of course...

MissAnnesley · 27/08/2009 19:22

Actually sorry I take that back bit flippant.

summerisover · 27/08/2009 19:22

i thought that too!

Hulababy · 27/08/2009 19:24

If you are genuinely concerned then you should do as mp suggests - ring the bishop and convey your concerns and observations and give them the contact details, along with dates and times and the girl's description. It can then be followed up. Chances are it is entirely innocent and above board and there is more to the story than you know. But if on the other hand there is something dodgy going on, even if it is a case of a niavity, he can be spoken to and dealt with as appropriate.

Hulababy · 27/08/2009 19:25

MissAnnesley - yes, sorry, forgot that. Priests in other religions too though I believe. Also other relationships.

Original poster
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 19:26

Hmm I'm really uncomfortable here and just want to exit the thread asap as I don't really like confrontation, but just to answer the last couple of posts:

I asked her if she gets spoilt when she goes there because he'd gone to get her a teddy. She said yes.

Obviously priests don't have children let alone GC so I couldn't say that.

I said 'who's [dogs name she had mentioned, who was out the back] then?' and she said 'it's father *'s dog, I come here and see him and the dog sometimes when I'm playing out.'

Couple of other bits of chat, then conversation over.

Morning- I don't think he's breaching his responsibilities, I think he's a kind old man who has formed a friendship with a girl who plays outside his home and goes to the school. Obviously, to an outsider, it looks like he is being inappropriate.

The whole AIBU is in reference to thinking he is maybe being a little naive in assuming no one would have these sorts of thoughts about a priest who invites a young girl into his home.

I'm probably corss posting right now, but not keen on carrying on because people are getting sort of angry on here.

OP posts:
vinblanc · 27/08/2009 19:26

There should be a Parish or Diocesan Child Protection Officer that should be the first port of call if you were to take anything further.