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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a priest shouldn't invite little girls into his home

261 replies

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 18:44

Ok this is my 3rd AIBU of the night and usually steer clear of this section because it's scary

But anyway, everyone's being unreasonable at the mo and I need to get it out.

So we went to our priest the other night to sort out our wedding blessing. He's a nice guy, a little odd, but nice and about 60. We went to his house next to the church and school. When he opened the door there was a little girl of about 7 playing in the car park. He shouted to her 'would you like to come in?' she said no and he said 'why? Come in.' so she did.

Then he said 'where do you want to go? Do you want to watch television or talk?' she said watch TV and clearly felt a little uncomfortable. So he said 'right that's upstairs'. We followed and sorted out the blessing. He then gave DS and the girl a teddy each from his collection. We left and the little girl stayed.

He didn't ask her parents if she could come in- they wouldn't have known where she was, and it was just her and him.

Clearly nothing untoward, but it seems a bit naive for a man to invite a young girl into his home when no one else is there. All kinds of accusations could fly around.

OP posts:
skihorse · 28/08/2009 08:33

YABU

Wow! This says a lot about society when an "old" man of the cloth is viewed with such suspicion. Have we all forgotten what community is?

MaryBS That's shocking!

justabout · 28/08/2009 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tortington · 28/08/2009 08:39

if you get a nice priest - they might do a blessing

most of em are craggy tho

slushy06 · 28/08/2009 08:41

You are all flaming the op as she doesn't know the back story but neither do you you havn't even met the man how do you know he is not doing something wrong you don't just because he is a priest doesn't make him unable to do wrong. Also do you think they all look and act like a monster of course they don't because if they did no child would ever be coerced in to going near them if I was the op I would report it as leading a child away from somewhere without their parents consent is illegal for a reason and if it is innocent then no harm will be done they will be discreet if they were not then peados would never get away with anything.

I personally think this is innocent as if there was anything untoward he would not have invited her in while the op was there but allegations will be made eventually and either way I would rather be safe than sorry.

beanieb · 28/08/2009 08:48

"but allegations will be made eventually "

will they?

MaryBS · 28/08/2009 08:50

Presumably if the authorities (bishop, diocesan child protection officer, whoever) are informed, he will be suspended immediately, pending investigation? Only the Op can judge whether what she saw was suspicious enough to do this. If he is guilty, great - lock him up. If innocent, you will ruin his life (yes I know the child comes first!).

morningpaper · 28/08/2009 08:52

No Mary that's not the case. I would just send an email to the Bishop saying "Hello, I was at Fr. X's house yesterday and was a bit concerned that he seemed to have invited a neighbourhood girl (called X from X) into his home without a chaperone. She was watching television in his house. Please can you reassure me that you will look into this, as I'm sure this is a breach of your Child Protection Policies. Many thanks, X"

all done and dusted

slushy06 · 28/08/2009 08:53

Yes they will as most people would rather risk the man's reputation be ruined that risk even a 1% chance that this child will be abused and unable to lead a normal life. Also there is a chance you will get some vigilante spot this and assume the worst and go round without either proving or disproving his theory and beat the poor man up just because he may be sane doesn't mean everyone else who might see this is.

MmeLindt · 28/08/2009 09:03

I agree with MP. She does not have to go to the police or the child protection agency. She should write a quick note to the Bishop outlining her concerns that while the priest is more than like just being a bit naive, it is in the current climate a foolish thing to do.

It is not judgy, or hysterical paedo-hunting. It is as much concern for the priest as anything else.

Lynette
Sadly, it is true. Many paedophiles seek employment/hobbies which will bring them into contact with children. Priests, youth club leaders, single parents...

Which is not to say that all men who are involved with childrens' activities are paedophiles .

hocuspontas · 28/08/2009 09:05

If the op thinks the priest is innocent why go straight to the bishop? Why not remind the priest himself that it looks dodgy?

itsmeolord · 28/08/2009 09:07

OP is talking bollocks in my opinion.

And i ROFLED loudly at "I don't really like confrontation". Why start several threads in AIBU then?

Goblinchild · 28/08/2009 09:08

I've met several Bishops, and they are usually very practical and grounded types who are aware of the issues involved.
The priest is likely to get training and advice, and support to make sure that he follows through on what he has been told, rather than tarring and feathering and nailed to his own church door.
But only if the proper channels are followed in reporting concerns.
I'd hate to predict what the outcome of a visit from local 'Guardians of Morality' from down the local would be. Or indeed, from the school gate.

snapple · 28/08/2009 09:10

so OP what are you going to do about the little girl and the odd priest?

Was the girl led away from her parents somehow? We don't know.

I never ever ever remember being invited into our priests house alone, and I think I knew at the time at 6 or 7 that I should never go into someone's house I didn't know or the priests house (or anyone else that I did know such as a neighbour) without checking with them first.

WhatALoadOfWank · 28/08/2009 09:12

As a catholic thinking of my own lovely priest this makes me so terribly sad but MP is right...needs to be addressed.

snapple · 28/08/2009 09:13

should have read 'without checking with my parents first"

CitrusZest · 28/08/2009 09:16

YANBU - I think this is totally unnacceptable after news about systematic covers-up of abuse in the Catholic Church. A friend of mine began Preist training but gave it up after getting disillusioned with the number of Priests who tried it on with him. He is gay.

GibbonInARibbon · 28/08/2009 09:16

oopps sorry, forgot was wearing my what a load wank name

Morloth · 28/08/2009 10:25

Um, just on the teddy thing. We donate all our used toys to our local church and I know some of them end up in the Rectory collection because DS has come downstairs when we have been over for a BBQ with some of his old stuff.

Rectories (and wherever RC priests live) are often "open door" type homes where lots and lots of kids end up so having toys to hand doesn't sound at all dodgy to me. At least this is the case in Australia not sure if it is different here. One of my best friends growing up was a minister's daughter and there house was always chock full.

Actually I think this thread proves the OP correct in her assumption that the priest was silly.

LynetteScavo · 28/08/2009 10:26

justabout, the Catholic church does offer blessings for marriges.

My friend had one.

LynetteScavo · 28/08/2009 10:29

Yes, morloth, this thread does prove that the prist was silly.

It also proves how deep the distrust is when it comes to old men being freindly to children, especially if they are a priest.

I really hope society doesn't get to the point where people will turn away a child in need because people are fearull of the possible repercussions.

morningpaper · 28/08/2009 10:33

I don't think the Catholic church CAN offer blessings for marriage - I can see that a friendly priest that you might KNOW would offer one informally, but a priest you don't know? I can't see how it would work theologically. But am prepared to be disproved

Morloth · 28/08/2009 10:34

LynetteScavo "I really hope society doesn't get to the point where people will turn away a child in need because people are fearull of the possible repercussions."

I think we are already there Lynette. I have said before that I would hesitate to help a lone child and DH wouldn't just hesitate, he wouldn't do it. This is because we are selfish and more interested in protecting our family than in looking after other people's kids.

Hence my comments upthread about the priest putting the little girl's need for safety ahead of his own need for not being accused of anything.

It is sad, and as I also said upthread all of the blame lies with the sick bastards but what can you do?

morningpaper · 28/08/2009 10:40

I can't find any evidence of Catholic blessings after a civil marriage

I declare this thread a big fat PORKY

RealityIsNOTDetoxing · 28/08/2009 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 28/08/2009 10:44

JustAbout- we just got married abroad and he agreed to do a blessing for us when we got home- my nana wanted me to get married in a church, she got married at that one and she died recently. He was happy to do it. It's not actually my parish so I wouldn't know him particularly well anyway, but he's new to the parish and town so I don't know him well at all. At face value he's a nice man though.

Yes it's Roman Catholic.

OP posts: