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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a priest shouldn't invite little girls into his home

261 replies

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 18:44

Ok this is my 3rd AIBU of the night and usually steer clear of this section because it's scary

But anyway, everyone's being unreasonable at the mo and I need to get it out.

So we went to our priest the other night to sort out our wedding blessing. He's a nice guy, a little odd, but nice and about 60. We went to his house next to the church and school. When he opened the door there was a little girl of about 7 playing in the car park. He shouted to her 'would you like to come in?' she said no and he said 'why? Come in.' so she did.

Then he said 'where do you want to go? Do you want to watch television or talk?' she said watch TV and clearly felt a little uncomfortable. So he said 'right that's upstairs'. We followed and sorted out the blessing. He then gave DS and the girl a teddy each from his collection. We left and the little girl stayed.

He didn't ask her parents if she could come in- they wouldn't have known where she was, and it was just her and him.

Clearly nothing untoward, but it seems a bit naive for a man to invite a young girl into his home when no one else is there. All kinds of accusations could fly around.

OP posts:
hocuspontas · 27/08/2009 21:54

If he was abusing her he would have ignored her in the presence of the op I would think.

Just sounds naive to me. She obviously comes in of her own accord. Perhaps she has to play out on the streets until her parents get home. But, as you say, he's leaving himself open to accusations.

MillyR · 27/08/2009 22:10

I am unconvinced by this lone working argument. I used to work with vulnerable people, and almost all of my work was lone working.

My children have been alone with only 1 adult in the room in school, in childcare and in voluntary type activities. Lots of people have a nanny - who is a lone worker with children.

We have absolutely no idea about why the child goes around there or who the child is, so no real judgement can be made about it. We don't even know that he was alone in the house with the child. He might have had someone else about to arrive. It is usual for priests to have set hours for visitors and he could have had a number of appointments all in a row.

We really have no facts about this at all.

brimfull · 27/08/2009 22:16

well I would be suspicious

don't care if that's judgey judgey

morningpaper · 27/08/2009 22:20

MillyR: The Diocese will have a Child Protection Policy and a Vulnerable Adults policy. This will state the exact situation.

I've not worked in an organisation where adults are allowed one-to-one time in a closed room (with windows closed) with vulnerable adults. You are just setting yourself up for an accusation!

Priests are usually ridiculously cautious - for obvious reasons.

morningpaper · 27/08/2009 22:21

(Or your own home - if you brought a vulnerable adult (or a child) back to your own home frnakly you would be a bloody idiot)

flopalong · 27/08/2009 22:26

A collection of teddies??? A DS??? A 60 year old man inviting a girl he doesn't know in??? She doesn't know where the TV is so I assume he doesn't know her. Inviting her in in front of adults to make himself look safe, but.......as he is a man of god he must be trustworthy

MillyR · 27/08/2009 22:27

I have worked for a voluntary sector organisation funded by the local authority. Workers in the local authority did the same job as me in the same way. We all, alone, visited single adults alone in their own home. Most of the adults had been listed as 'vulnerable' by comprehensive risk assessment forms.

Lone working is commonplace in housing support for vulnerable people.

flopalong · 27/08/2009 22:29

Just read DS properly, but still. I wouldn't leave my kids there

MillyR · 27/08/2009 22:31

Flopalong, I am related to members of the clergy and it is perfectly normal for there to be lots of toys kept in clergy houses for visiting children to play with. A clerical house hosts lots of parish events and so will have many children visiting at coffee mornings, children's clubs etc. Toys are there for the same reason they are in doctor's waiting rooms etc.

The clergy are no more or less suspicious than any other CRB checked professional.

MammyT · 27/08/2009 22:36

At best, extremely naive.

At worst, well, the worst..

There has been huge scandal in Ireland where such behaviour was excused and ignored for decades until about 10-15 years ago. People don't want to stick their noses out. I'd feel very uncomfortable given the extra detail you outline mid-thread and would probably raise my concerns to the parish priest/head of the diocese.

sweetkitty · 27/08/2009 22:41

Nevermind the priest where were the parents? If my 7yo DD was playing outside I would be out checking on her every 10 minutes or so, would you honestly allow your 7yo to be gone from you sight for over an hour?

famishedass · 27/08/2009 22:53
  1. morningpaper is absolutely 100% right in saying that either the OP is lying or the priest needs to be reported.
  1. not all priests are catholic. Some people refer to vicars and anglicans etc as priests.
  1. Some catholic priests have children. Yes they do. Some men may have have been non catholics who married and had a family and then converted to catholocism.
tethersend · 27/08/2009 23:04

I realise people shouldn't assume he is a paedophile just because he is a priest, but many, many paedophiles actively choose careers/vocations that will enable them to have contact with children- the priesthood is, sadly, one of them.

I'm not saying he is, but if it were me, I would definitely report it.

LynetteScavo · 27/08/2009 23:05

And some priests have children while they are priests.

One sad thread.

I have left my son alone with the priest. Is that not allowed now?

LynetteScavo · 27/08/2009 23:07

tethersend - you seriously think people become priests so they can have contact with children?

famishedass · 27/08/2009 23:09

You say you asked her if she knew the priest and that she said she just goes to the school.
You asked her if she gets spoilt and she answered you.
You asked her whose dog it was and she answered you.
You chatted a bit more.

Sorry, but when did you get the opportunity to discuss all this with her? When the priest was getting a teddy? That's an awful lot of ground to cover when a priest pops out of the room to get a teddy.

Somethings not adding up in your story.

Tortington · 27/08/2009 23:12

priest have child protection training and the church really takes this stuff seriously now.

i remember when my oldest son (now19) was smoking weed about 5 years ago - in my naivity - i phones all the traditional agencies like drug action team and friends of drug users and even social services - apart from a magazine every month i got jack shit help - anyway i digress - as part of this process i also contacted my priest

he said he woudl be happy to speak with him - only he would require me to be there so that there could be no accusations levelled at him.

tethersend · 27/08/2009 23:13

Lynette- unfortunately, yes. And teachers, social workers, care workers etc. It is horrific.

Of course I am not saying that all of these professions (I am one of them!) are made up solely of paedophiles, but it does happen; in the same way that paedophiles can deliberately start a family, or start relationships with single parents.

LynetteScavo · 27/08/2009 23:17

You know what...I reckon this is the same priest who gave my DS First Holy Communion lessons....by himself, when no one else turned up.

mathanxiety · 28/08/2009 07:12

So he invites children who are alone into his house AND HE HAS A COLLECTION OF TEDDIES? Why does a 60 year old man have a collection of teddies? And he wouldn't take no for an answer when the child didn't want to go in at first? Even if he knows the child, there is no way she should feel obliged to enter the house, and he really should not be inviting children in alone and unsupervised (you may have witnessed grooming). Oh yes, yes, yes, you are absolutely right to be very suspicious of this pervert. Report this to his superiors (bishop?) and also to the local police as a non-emergency matter, just something you are very concerned about.

Goblinchild · 28/08/2009 07:29

The priest needs some advice and guidance from a superior, otherwise he will get himself into serious trouble, however innocent his actions appeared to him.
So I'd write a letter/email the bishop and share your concerns. I'm betting that he was an older priest who hasn't kept up with current events and trends. But he needs to, to protect himself.
Next time he sees an unaccompanied child, he needs to tell her to go home, or phone the social services if he has concerns.

LynetteScavo · 28/08/2009 07:38

"you are absolutely right to be suspicious of theis pervert"

So he is a proven perver now.

Paninied, what do you intend to do?

Do you still want him to do your wedding blessing?

MaryBS · 28/08/2009 07:58

maybe he has a box of teddies that are going to be sold at a fete? And he thought the children would like a teddy?

My mum took a 6yo girl in for safety when she was found roaming on the street. Admittedly she contacted the police, so they could find her parents, but my mum was told for her own safety she shouldn't have invited her in, in case any accusations were brought.

jumpjockey · 28/08/2009 08:16

Without wanting to sound stupid here, how do you know there was nobody else in the house? In our parish the house whre the priests live has a parish office where there are people having meetings in the evening every day of the week (were there any other cars in the car park?) and a housekeeper who stays around in the evening to do their dinner (I know, I know...), maybe there were people like that who you just didn't see?

Goblinchild · 28/08/2009 08:19

I still think that contacting the Bishop is the best way, before the rumours fly, the pitchforks and torches come out and he's tried and convicted by his neighbours.
He needs to understand that no one is above suspicion any more, or the consequences for him will be dire.