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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have gone home in a huff!

81 replies

chocolatefudgebrownie · 26/08/2009 17:37

I am have just been over to my mum and dad's for lunch. My two judgmental aunts were there (they put mumsnet to shame!)

My ds (3.11) is out in the garden and was with my mum. I was with my dd and suddenly heard ds crying. My two judgemental aunts said 'oh just leave him!' 'charming' I thought!

I went to see if he was ok and found him sobbing his heart out saying my mum had smacked his bottom.

I asked mum who denied it at first and then said he had been taking the flower heads off her plants, so she smacked him.

I realise it was wrong of ds to do what he did, but I was absolutely fuming that she thought it was ok to take matters into her own hands and smack my ds. I do not agree with smacking and have made this clear to her on several occasions.

I feel so sad and upset about it and left their house in a huff, dragging my dc's crying with me. I am not sure if AIBU? It was just a smack, but it's the principle that I can't trust her now with ds when I am not about.

OP posts:
Scorps · 26/08/2009 17:39

YANBU

No-one is to smack my dc.

rubyslippers · 26/08/2009 17:40

YANBU

it;s not "just" a smack - you don't believe in it, she knows this and she did it anyway

themoon66 · 26/08/2009 17:40

YANBU because she knew your views and smacking and carried on anyway

One reason I never left DD with my mum was because she often said she was 'itching to fetch her clout'

nellie12 · 26/08/2009 17:41

yanbu. Telling him off yes but not smacking him. Your mum should have called for you or taken him in.

MillyR · 26/08/2009 17:42

The most outrageous part is that she lied about it! What if you had believed her and called your DS a liar?

I don't think YABU. You left and did not stay and have a big fight. I think that is very sensible.

rubyslippers · 26/08/2009 17:42

how did she react when you went?

GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob · 26/08/2009 17:43

She doesn't respect your parenting choices and she lies to your face

I wouldn't leave him with her again. In fact she wouldn't be seeing us for a while.

Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 26/08/2009 17:43

nellie12 - 'Your mum should have called for you or taken him in. ' That's what I wanted to happen.

My parents make me feel like a crap parent for not smacking and that he will turn into a tearaway because I don't smack. I do however set firm limits with him as he does need this.

OP posts:
TheChilliMooseisOmnipotent · 26/08/2009 17:44

YANBU to be very, very cross with her, but perhaps leaving was a bit strong.

ViolettaFleur · 26/08/2009 17:45

YA so NBU. I would go absolutely mental if anyone slapped my child, family member or not. I am fuming on your behalf.

You did the right thing by leaving though. I would make it quite clear in the future that we would not be returning until she understood my anger at her assaulting my child because that is what it is.

Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 26/08/2009 17:46

rubyslippers - my mum just went inside the house and didn't say goodbye to us like she normally does.

I did not want a big argument in front of the judgmental aunts, so that is why I left without saying a word. No doubt they had a good bitch when I left with my 'tearaway! ds'

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 26/08/2009 17:47

TheChilliMooseisOmnipotent - why do think leaving was too strong? I thought it was the only way to avoid a huge slanging match with my mum. I couldn't stay there as I was so upset. We have never fallen out like this before.

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 26/08/2009 17:48

YANBU

Your mum should have left it for you to deal with.

ThingOne · 26/08/2009 17:48

YANBU to be extremely pissed off. Your mum should have called for you to deal with it. To lie about the smacking is outrageous behaviour.

I'm not sure I would have flounced out dragging my crying children but then my parents do live a a couple of hundred miles away.

Has your DS cheered up?

Ewe · 26/08/2009 17:48

My FIL smacked my DD when we were on holiday (she was only 16months and was just playing with a menu!) and I left as I was so angry - and I was in the middle of France without a car!

So in my opinion, YANBU. I feel like I can't trust my FIL any more, would hate to feel like this towards my own Mum.

diddl · 26/08/2009 17:49

I think that YABU to have left in a "huff", and not cleared the air first.
It´s also a tricky one when you´re not "on the spot" and it´s someone elses house and your child is doing something wrong.
She might have done it without thinking, especially if she smacked her own children.
I think the fact that your Mum denied it shows she felt bad.
As if she was afraid to tell you because she knew you would be angry/upset.
I doubt she´ll do it again!

But YANBU to expect her not to smack.
I wouldn´t want anyone to smack my child-whetherI did it myself or not.

rubyslippers · 26/08/2009 17:50

hmm - sounds like she knows she has done wrong (or she is embarrased)

do you think she may talk to you about it?

mosschops30 · 26/08/2009 17:50

YANBU at all!!!!!!

I have tapped my dc's on a very rare occasion when its something serious like running into the road or similar.
I do not use violence in the home as a way of discipline.
I would absolutely not accept any other person laying their hands on dd or ds, EVER, no matter who they were.
Absolutely unacceptable IMHO

TheChilliMooseisOmnipotent · 26/08/2009 17:51

I personally just would have not left because of it, but I would have made my feelings clear (which you did). I can undersand why you left.

Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 26/08/2009 17:52

Perhaps I should have cleared the air. I just didn't know what to say at the time and wanted time to think it through rationally.

Not sure what to say now, we are at stalemate as neither of us talking to the other

OP posts:
Itsjustafleshwound · 26/08/2009 17:52

But what have the judgemental aunts got to do with it??

I think there is a bit more of a back story than merely being upset that your mother hit your child..

I do think YANBU for being angry about your mum thinking it was right (and lying) to hit your child - but storming off in a huff wasn't really an adult response ...

rubyslippers · 26/08/2009 17:52

then call her - when you feel calmer

Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 26/08/2009 17:54

my ds is fine by the way. He was really upset that we left in such a hurry and didn't understand why?

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 26/08/2009 17:54

YANBU

She needs to apologise to you and your son.

PM73 · 26/08/2009 17:54

I dont believe in smacking & i would be very angry if someone else smacked my ds,especially my own Mum.

I agree with diddl,i think the fact she lied about smacking him shows she instantly regretted it.Could that be why she never said goodbye to you?Maybe she didnt know what to say to you.

YA def NBU to be annoyed at your ds being smacked but i wouldnt fall out with your Mum over it.

Hope he is ok now?