To think that health professionals should not call me MUM

[Reallytired]

DD had her jabs today and the nurse kept on calling me "Mum" even though I said to her that I did not want her to call me "Mum". I told her that it was a biological impossiblity that I was her mother.

I have two children and I am happy for me to call me Mum, but I do have a proper name and I think health professionals should use it.

Thanks becky

you know what some of you are determined to spout some quasi-social science guff about organisation and power.and pepper it with anecdotes of he said/she said i thought of my very gosh

I really can't believe people are getting hot and bothered about this.

Power grab? FFS how ridiculous.

Why are we viewing as an inferior label? I certainly don't view at as one. Says more about the self-esteem of the Mum than about the HCP if people are getting upset IMVHO.

I don't mind the first time that I'm referred to as dad or Mr [insert child's surname here] during an appointment, but it's when after the HCP has been given the name I want them to call me, they then still use dad or Mr [ ] then it annoys.
Luckily it does not happen often... in fact the last GP I took a child to, having been told my name, referred to me by my name during the rest of the consultation.

scottishmummy - FWIW several members of my family are in frontline health care jobs. So I do know what kind of pressure they are working under. And yes, assaults and horrible treatment are despicable.

However, I don't see what that's got to do with the question at hand. Are you suggesting that querying what a nurse calls you, because you find it rude, is on the same continuum as thumping a nurse in A&E on a Friday night?

Respect is needed on both sides - very true - and often, in my experience, patients feel that they don't get it. Much of that is the fault of the towering bureaucracy that is the NHS, but it's the little things - like using names properly - that can make so much difference to people's experience when they are ill or anxious, and costs nothing other than a bit of effort.

Aitch - I cant remember specific situations to be honest but, I think if she'd have called me Mrs... then its quite formal in front of my daughter and they really do try to make children feel comfortable and relaxed. And in front of a small child I dont think that Mrs... sounds right in those circumstances.

Probably the best & most comfortable in front of a child would be to use the mothers christian name but realistically, how can they be expected to remember them. To be fair, some of the nurses that saw us regularly did start to use our names and remembered them, but I dont think it mattered either way.

But it is not rude because it is not meant maliciously.

If I went to Bristol and a shop assistant referred to me as 'my lover', it would be very wrong for me to get offended. They meant it with the best heart, and that's what HCPs and teachers do when they refer to you as 'mum'.

you do understand that it's being addressed as 'mum' that shows a lack of manners? we're really NOT the parent of the doctor or nurse.

and vinblanc, yes, we're at their mercy... that's the point. modern professional manners tend to de-emphasise this, try to make people feel comfortable in a room etc. it's for practical reasons, you get more out of people if they're relaxed.

i am querying the disproportinate amount of humphing about an innocuous salutation

and bemused at the malevolence and intent some of you read into it

Could not give two twats tbh. Many things that irk me in this life, this is not one of them.

who's suggesting malevolence? no-one. but please, don't let that stop you, i can see you're on a roooooooooll.

I think they only refer to you as 'mum' in front of the child. If they are having a more private conversation with you, then it is Mrs so-and-so. Their professionalism is intact.

vinblanc, you wrote
"there is a hierarchy. They are the ones with the expertise, knowledge and power. We are at their mercy. There is a real hierarchy, not something assumed by using petty names.

Our society is increasingly finding it difficult to respect those who do know more about their profession (doctors, teachers...). Add to this the increasing lack of social skills, and there you get problems with people getting offended over petty things."

I absolutely agree. But a professional, with all that information and power and expertise, will treat the patient with respect and courtesy and kindness, in recognition of the fact that you, as the patient, are submitting yourself to someone else's judgment. That didn't happen in the OPs case.

The thing is, if you don't mind people addressing you by your function, not your name, then it will seem petty. But if you would rather face the world with your own identity, rather than being just a function of someone else's existence, it does matter.

I don't mind being called "MUM" by people who are dealing with my children. It is my title, my job description, and my honor to be called it. In order to be called "mum" I had to "qualify" by firstly finding an amazing bloke, 2ndly getting pregnant , 9 months of sometimes gruelling pregnancy, and many hours of childbirth.

I was taken to a&e by ambulance this week with my ds because my ds was so ill and I was asked " are you MUM"? My actual name was not really relevant or important what was important was that Mum was there. Mum knows all the relevant info. Mum knows the list of allergies the stuff they need to know fast because its an emergency.Mum is the comfort that a 1 yr old needs.

When my dd1 was in hdu 3 years ago I misread the name on a nurses name badge and called her kirsty for most of her shift. I only realised my mistake when she said goodbye to my daughter before going off shift - her name was kirsteen. I apologised and asked why she hadn't corrected me. She said that it didn't matter, just wasn't important.

I might not be "just" a "mum" but I am very happy to be mum because being a mum is simply a reflection of my children. I don't see me being called MUM as the medical profession having power over me, I see it as me having the right to ask questions and refuse treatment that I am uncomfortable with because I AM MUM.

Quite frequently I get called Mrs purpleparsip ( dp's name ) instead of Miss Kitkatqueen, because the dc have his surname. I either don't comment on their error or just say "almost"

I would rather hospital staff were concentrating on the care of my child than what they should call me and would I be offended.

Every doctor/ nurse etc has a name badge if it really bothers you to be called by such a hard earned title have a badge made up with your name on it and wear it.

It has never really bothered me TBH and i don't think that it is meant in any way to make people feel small.

I am HCP where in most cases i am referred to by my first name as is the patient and i do try my best to remember if they are called any other name than the one on the notes....shortened version,middle name etc...in fact there is a box to write preferred name in,so i think in my experience some parts of the NHS do try to make you as comfortable as possible.

I did notice when my DC went to nursery etc i became....DD's mum to all and sundry.

actually on the other thread there were a couple of parents who'd been cc'd into letters where they were persistently referred to as 'mum' wrt treatment. so 'mum agreed that she would administer x dose of meds', that kind of thing. it's endemic in the system. plus i was very often called mum while in hospital with teeny tiny prem dd, who really wasn't listening at the time.

What is disrespectful, discourteous, and unkind about acknowledging the relationship between the patient and the responsible adult?

how bizarre how bizarre

If the mum was the patient here then I would say that the Health Professional would be out of order addressing her as mum in front of her child.

However, mum was not the patient here - the child was. The appointment belonged to the child and the Health Professional presumably knew the childs name.

It would be nice for mum to be addressed by her name but if she wasnt then I really am struggling to see why its a big deal.

It is only disrepectful and rude if you are assuming all sorts of thoughts and attitudes in the minds of the people saying it. Saying 'mum', in itself, is not rude or disrespectful.

"
Every doctor/ nurse etc has a name badge if it really bothers you to be called by such a hard earned title have a badge made up with your name on it and wear it."

lolol. i really don't want to be called ANYTHING, why's that so hard to grasp?

It's not innocuous, SM, that's the point. While you may be happy to let it go past you, posters who point out the dynamics are merely explaining a fairly obvious subtext. That subtext is there whether you choose to acknowledge it or not - or whether the doc/nurse/whoever admits it or not.

I am NOT that doc's or nurse's mother. So it is quite wrong for them to call me 'Mum'.

And the posters who mentioned the way (many) doctors talk to nurses was right, too. Despite most of them owing their sodding careers to being lucky enough to work with some pretty knowledgeable nurses when they were baby juniors cocking up left, right and centre...

(I am NOT a nurse btw.)

Kitkatqueen - lovely post!! Couldnt agree more.

because i am NOT THEIR MUM. i'm my child's mum. saying 'your mum' is fine, if they're speaking to my child. but calling me 'mum' is patently ridiculous. they presumably have a mother already who's earned that particular title.