To think that health professionals should not call me MUM

[Reallytired]

DD had her jabs today and the nurse kept on calling me "Mum" even though I said to her that I did not want her to call me "Mum". I told her that it was a biological impossiblity that I was her mother.

I have two children and I am happy for me to call me Mum, but I do have a proper name and I think health professionals should use it.

I never though this would bother me until DS spent a night in hospital a few months ago and boy did it wind me up.
The nurses and dr's could remember ds's name so why not mine?
I do often get called Mrs Exp's name and when I told him this he pissed himself laughing but I prefer even that to Mum TBH. It did feel patronising and wasn't even said through a conversation with ds eg. Will we get mum to do it or something I was referred to as mum.

what particular doctor? my friend? oh, he's in charge of thousands of doctors, i think he knows what he's talking about. he always calls his patients by their names, likewise their families. his ego is quite large enough to handle that.

any doctor/nurse always says something like, ah so this is 'Name of Young Pointy'. That's the bit they get in their heads. Not my name. They don't even know whether it's m um, dad, granny or aunty who's going to walk in with the kid.

some of you are spinning off into deep conspiracy theory.insinuating staff act as agents of social control and subjugation and such depersonalisation is a purposeful and malevolent act

think not

nurse said mum. i doubt she meant to undermine or antagonise anyone

millyr, and that is ALWAYS the subtext.

look, there's no need to call parents ANYTHING, so why are they doing it? poooooowweeeeeer graaaaaaab.

Chichichien - then you just don't use a name at all. Or if it's a long consultation and you need to know, say, "is it Mrs Bloggs?" giving the person a chance to state their preference.

Do children's medical records really not have the parents names on? My drs surgery always seem to know who I am and hardly ever darken their door!

Not wanting to use a name at all is what causes them to call you 'mum'. How else are they going to attract your attention? You probably don't want them to touch you either or to stick their face in yours in order to make eye contact.

lol. ruff ruff THERE you are!

it is a hierarchical organisation, medicine, run along caste lines practically. these ways of speaking have evolved to be completely out of step with modern society.

I will state this again (although a nurse should know this); you have to know who is accompanying a child to a jab because only a person with parental responsibility is allowed to sign for a vaccination. So all this not knowing who the adult happens to be is nonsense.

scottishmummy - I don't think it is personally and malevolently thought through - no. But like Aitch, I do think that both nurses, doctors and other HCPs are trapped into a pattern of behaviour and a set of social norms which do privilege their position over that of their patient.

attract your attention? for what?

wouldn't 'excuse me' work, in the unlikely event that you'd lost interest in your child's health?

these justifications are very funny.

What are you on about, milly and smallcat? No one has said nurses are wonderful. I don't generalise any profession. Not one. I realise they are a very large groups of individuals, some are twats, many are not.

(Actually, I do geneealise about HR people. That is the only job category)

jesus wept power and control issues in NHS staff as they subjugate the masses.by callously saying mum - the heartless bastards

har! I forgot myself

YABU, having spent lots of time in hospital over the last 6 years with one of my children I have been called mum quite a lot.

To be honest, as long as the nurses know my daughters name (which they always do) then thats all that matters.

Surely the quality of care to your child is all that matters here. I was too busy looking after my child and thanking the nurses for their hardwork and care towards her to be bothered about being called mum.

To all the hardworking childrens nurses out there - keep up the good work, you are angels!!

sm i think you are not grasping this, it's pretty standard behavioural psychology at work, just making sure everyone in the room knows their status. like i say, important in a highly controlled hierarchy like a hospital, although bafflingly rude to the wider world.

but why did they call you anything, mariemarie?

CC, it wasn't you who made the comments. It was Nanninurse who said we should try walking a mile in our shoes, which does suggest that she thinks that her job is more difficult than other jobs.

the way some public behave to nhs staff is abomination.physical and verbal assaults commonplace

so whilst some of you huff and puff about the cut of the nurse jib, what she said. have a thought for staff on a friday night.

you know just a thought it is, two way traffic.

Well said, Marie.

I have also been in that position - in and out of hospital for about four years. I actually think calling me mum acknowledged relationships rather that just the physical body and pathology.

For those who say that calling you mum is emphasising a hierarchy, I think this is not intentional. However, at the same time, there is a hierarchy. They are the ones with the expertise, knowledge and power. We are at their mercy. There is a real hierarchy, not something assumed by using petty names.

Our society is increasingly finding it difficult to respect those who do know more about their profession (doctors, teachers...). Add to this the increasing lack of social skills, and there you get problems with people getting offended over petty things.