To think that health professionals should not call me MUM

[Reallytired]

DD had her jabs today and the nurse kept on calling me "Mum" even though I said to her that I did not want her to call me "Mum". I told her that it was a biological impossiblity that I was her mother.

I have two children and I am happy for me to call me Mum, but I do have a proper name and I think health professionals should use it.

PS Can't resist adding to TheDM that GPs are bloody glad to see a bit of mess in a house because it makes us feel less inadequate. It's the ones that are OCD-tidy that freak me out!

I have lived in the US too.
Ad have experienced much much worse in this country than being called 'mum'. Nurses OD'ing dd among them and trying to blame me. Nurses hinting at worse care if I dared complain.
But being called 'mum' is part of the parcel of disrespect some HCP's show pateints and patients relatives. There shuld be zero tolerance.
And when you are stressed, frightenend for your child and sometimes bewildered, ebing treated like a child or non-being can be the final straw.

See again Jybay, I think that is a really defensive response.

There is room to address really quite trivial issues and also really serious issues - it doesn't have to be either/ or. And basically, by implying that the only problem anyone has with the NHS is that they are called "Mum" is ignoring the actual issue - which is that we as patients or patients' representatives, are being constantly relegated to the status of supplicant, rather than equal partner in the NHS. The symptom -being called mum - may be trivial, but the cause, is serious.

I really hope no republican, anti-Obama propagandist gets hold of this thread, becaused the paternalistic attitudes it reveals are exactly the sort of crap they have been exploiting recently.

I certainly don't notice messy houses - (judging by my own )

btw I meant 'if they are NOT made aware' in prev post

Jybay

I choose to talk about the 'mum' issue on this thread because while I think it is awful, I can deal with having an argument about it on MN. That does not mean that it is the worst problem I see in the NHS. I just couldn't cope with having an argument about my worst NHS experiences, at least not on MN.

I think most of the HCPs on this thread have actually tried to understand and listen to your perspectives. Most have already agreed it is rude and have thought about the issue because of this thread. Clearly, some of you find it v irritating but don't seem to understand that you do not represent the views of all mothers. Some people, particularly those at the start of the thread did not find it irritating at all. Overall, on the scale of problems faced by the NHS as a whole, this really is a fairly minor one.
If it troubles some of you so much, then please do correct the HCP concerned or, if that has no effect, write in and complain. It's no use (aitch) saying you don't want to complain about it. You also need to take some responsibility if it offends you so much- none of us are mindreaders!!

chegirl- calling your daughter 'leukaemic' is just disgraceful and so offensive. I am totally in agreement with you.

And also, I have to pick up on thse things: "However, at the end of the day, most of the time, my relative got the care he needed and that was the most important thing to me."

That is the most important thing to anyone, and health professionals know that, so all the more reason why it's important for them not to exploit their position of power by reducing their patient or patient reps to a supplicant role.

And "get some perspective" - again, v. patroning to assume that anyone who debates this issue doesn't have perspective on how important it is in the grand scheme of things. Most of the people who have said how vociferously they object ot it, have made it v. clear that they would never complain about it unless specifically invited to do so, or have indicated that they think it's more important than the good care of their DC's/ other relatives. It is an offensive put-down to imply that those who are offended, somehow care more about how they are addressed than whether their DC will pull through a life-threatening operation, for example (I know that is not what you were implying btw, but some people on this thread have done so and it is tiresome and I don't believe I've picked at that aspect yet. )

Sorry that should say have not indicated, obv.

looby, aren't you reading what i write? i don't complain at the time because i'm aware that time is pressing. i did complain to the head of the hospital. take some sodding responsibility yourself, you supercilious twit, and make a note to sort your colleagues out and raise this issue at your next departmental meeting or whatever it is you have.

i cannot believe the defensiveness at work here. shame on those of you who can't see past the end of your nose.

and you knwo what, it IS enough that we represent the views of some mothers, if you are so insistent in your pathetic defence that we don't represent them all. it was you, wasn't it, who said that mums on MN are complainers?

just raise it at your next meeting. and try not to let your colleagues chortle and snort that haw haw if that's all they've got to worry about. try to make them take it seriously, because this haw haw snort attitude clearly has repercussions throughout the nhs.

Adult patients are addressed initially in all areas by theIr full name and then subsequently by name of their choice in order to maintain dignity and self respect.

This practice could be easily extended to the parents of patients too.

Perhaps the hcps on this thread could go through this at their next team meeting, i can't imagine it would be too taxing.

www.mcht.nhs.uk/documents/Standards/Core%20Standards/010%20Correctly%20Addressing.pdf

aitch, I see you have descended to insults and capital letters to prove that you are right! You clearly haven't read by posts either as I have said that I am a GP so I don't work in a department.
Your attitude is quite bullying and I don't think it is likely to produce a positive change. The 'head of your hospital' whoever he is actually seems to be quite unprofessional in his remarks about 'light of brain' and openly criticizing his colleagues.
I will leave you with your big axe so that you can carry on grinding..............

lololol. just as i predicted. 'i don't have departmental meetings.' don't you SEE? lolol.

i'm not telling you exactly what his role is, i'm loathe to identify him. but he has a brain the size of a house and isn't afraid to say when people who work under him aren't that bright. i mean, tbh that's a better excuse than you've come out with for why hcps might be doing this, that they're not that bright and want to make clear that they're the ones in charge. i can actually see that.

Um. I haven't read this whole thread but I gather it has developed into some argument about the NHS?

Anyway, back to the OP - I hate being called mum by someone other than my dcs too, but it's not just HVs, nurses etc from whom I've had this appellation - during my daughter's brief stint at nursery, the teachers used it too, even writing it in her report/ progress book "Please mum, DD wet her knickers today, but it was an accident as they just weren't pulled down far enough when she was on the toilet" etc etc etc.

Made me very uncomfortable.

I think its quite ironic that it is assumed that I am not a fan of the NHS. My child had cancer. Her treatment cost thousands if not millions of pounds. I never once had to think about the cost. Once diagnosed (that is a different story) she was treated immediately and with compassion. Yes the faciliaties were old (well ancient) but that mattered not to me. Infact when we eventually moved to the brand new state of the art UCH things never seemed as safe and homely again.

My daughter was cared for by some amazing people who were truely devastated when they could not cure her. There were some bastards but they are remarkable and memorable because they were the exception.

The ones that upset me and my DD, the ones that make me wake in a cold sweat and in tears are the ones that did not listen. Be they nurses or SHOs or the most experienced consultant it was the ones that did not listen to me and my DD that caused the most distress. A very smart new SHO (avoid being ill in Sept or Feb) refused to cross match DD because 'it only takes a little while to order blood' Not if it is specially treated for oncology patients it doesnt! My DD having to have a transfusion during the night which meant 15 min obs and posed a real danger as she had become allergic to blood products.

A nurse telling my DD to 'settle herself' as the doctors were all busy. She had just relapsed and her bone marrow was exploding in her bones. Imagine the pain.
The nurse who told her not to be a baby because she wanted sedation for her ng tube.

But the busy SHO who bothered to remember what tv DD liked. The one who realised that my girl was a shy teenager and found the lack of privacy excruitating. The clerk who used to bring her DVDs to watch. The nurses who were kind and came to chat at 2am even though they had loads to do. The ones that used a torch for obs and didnt turn the light on at 5am. The ones who got her antibiotics up asap so she didnt have to spend a whole extra day in hosptial.

I love the NHS and I am forever greatful for what the staff did for my daughter. I want all my sons to become doctors. I know all about real problems and issues. My daughter is dead, you dont get more serious than that.

You really really have to listen. Sometimes in order to listen you have to ask questions first.

I STILL DO NOT WANT TO BE CALLED MUM.

letthemeatcake, it is emphatically not an argument about the nhs, i love the nhs and i imagine so do most people on here. but it is interesting the way that the hcps take the nhs hostage every time when they are criticised.

and as for 'none of us are mind-readers!!!' looby, again lololol. we're telling you on here, you should be falling all over this information and bringing it up at your next practice meeting

Loobylu3 and mrsmick and chesirecat

what did you think of the link?

www.mcht.nhs.uk/documents/Standards/Core%20Standards/010%20Correctly%20Addressing.pdf

I see gassman andjybay have departed from the thread.
On a bit of a tangent but here is a link on patient identification errors, again jybay might think this warrants a read with his weird logic about getting perspective?

snapple, "Adult patients are addressed initially in all areas by theIr full name and then subsequently by name of their choice in order to maintain dignity and self respect."

Not IME (admittedly several years ago, but has this changed?). I was asked, pre-admission, how I wanted to be addressed - I said Mrs Surname - they ignored that throughout my stay, & addressed me as full-first-name, not the abbreviated version I prefer.

My bed had a card attached with my title, full first name & surname - as I said, I was addressed as full-first-name throughout. Why couldn't this card add "please address patient as Mrs Surname" or "as abbreviated-first-name" or as "second-registered-name" (as has been previously mentioned by a couple of posters) or anything that the patient prefers, even a silly nickname??? It's not difficult, is it?

Have not read the whole thread but I find it irritating too, OP.

chegirl

"But the busy SHO who bothered to remember what tv DD liked. The one who realised that my girl was a shy teenager and found the lack of privacy excruitating. The clerk who used to bring her DVDs to watch. The nurses who were kind and came to chat at 2am even though they had loads to do. The ones that used a torch for obs and didnt turn the light on at 5am. The ones who got her antibiotics up asap so she didnt have to spend a whole extra day in hosptial"

This has brought tears to my eyes. Bless the ones who care.

CHEGIRL, I am so very sorry. Your post brought tears to my eyes.

Ponders I totally agree that it should not be that difficult - that is why I posted the link.

Which I have posted again because I have posted an incoherent post, with lots of gaps.

I've found it very interesting to see some of the generalisations and excuses that come through as to why it can't be done. I have paraphrased a selection, such as:

we are too busy, i don't work in teams, can't challenge note taking, 'nursey procedures', bringing up the US of A, we can't know it is offensive if no one tells us, - and so on and so on.

www.mcht.nhs.uk/documents/Standards/Core%20Standards/010%20Correctly%20Addressing.pdf

I see gassman and jybay have departed from the thread.

On a bit of a tangent but here is a link on patient identification errors, again jybay might think this warrants a read with his weird logic about getting perspective?

www.npsa.nhs.uk/EasySiteWeb/GatewayLink.aspx?alId=29225

Thank you for you nice comments. It was honestly not my intention to make anyone feel sad or sorry for me. I wanted to try and get across that the seemingly trival things make a huge difference to life in hospital. Even to those of us who are facing the most serious of all issues.

I find it very sad and frustrating that seems to be difficult for some posters to grasp. Its not asking a lot, it doesnt cost anything, it doesnt undermine you as a professional, its easy and it means a lot.

x post - well said chegirl