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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that health professionals should not call me MUM

843 replies

Reallytired · 21/08/2009 19:34

DD had her jabs today and the nurse kept on calling me "Mum" even though I said to her that I did not want her to call me "Mum". I told her that it was a biological impossiblity that I was her mother.

I have two children and I am happy for me to call me Mum, but I do have a proper name and I think health professionals should use it.

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 23/08/2009 19:56

(Been catching up on THE other topic - and was wondering exactly the same thing as you Aitch. Any clues yet?)

cheshirekitty · 23/08/2009 19:59

What other topic?

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 23/08/2009 20:00

i dispute that this is not representative, looby, but good that it's made you think. i was called mum btw before my baby was even born (by some utter fuckwit nurse trying to guilt me into an induction when i was exhausted already and just needed to sleep) so it was definitely my name on the notes.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 23/08/2009 20:01

lol, you mean fruitcrumble? i dunno. there is a popular fruit used in crumble, maybe? really dunno.

loobylu3 · 23/08/2009 20:01

That's okay Ponders It's really difficult to say what my colleagues do. I'm sure some are guilty of it. I do think there is a distinction between the level of formality and parental concern when you see a GP for a one off or routine problem as opposed to when you see a hospital specialist. (I am a GP).
Aitch, of course, if the person has requested to be called aitch or Mrs aitch it is rude to not use their preferred title. I quite agree with you and think most HCP's would too.

cheshirekitty · 23/08/2009 20:04

Aitch, surely that was a midwife and not a nurse as nurses are not registered to look after pregant ladies?

Nurse training and midwifery training are 2 different things leading to 2 different registrations.

bibbitybobbityhat · 23/08/2009 20:04

(Cheshirekitty - Daily Mail. I have been away for a fortnight.)

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 23/08/2009 20:05

except that i really don't think you should have to request it, it's just pretty dumb to call someone other than your own mother 'mum'. plenty of these conventions fall by the wayside, i think this one is ripe for it. as does the BMA.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 23/08/2009 20:10

your reaction is a frankly BRILLIANT case in point, cheshirekitty. as it was when you sought to pick me up on the BMA thing...

see all this petty internal politics, your patients don't give a stuff about who your governing body is, or whether you're a midwife or a nurse or a doctor. they just want those in the caring professions to treat them with respect and consideration. and that includes not calling them 'mum'.

cheshirekitty · 23/08/2009 20:14

Aitch, I can appreciate what you are saying, but respect is a two way street. You have been banging on about hcp's calling you mum (which I have said a few times I do not do).

Now, when you have been picked up on a mistake you throw your dummy out.

It is not an itnernal policy thing. It is just picking you up on a mistake.

Plain and simple.

PitysSake · 23/08/2009 20:15

gods
is it have a go at Aitch day?

Podrick · 23/08/2009 20:16

I hate this "mum" business too

MillyR · 23/08/2009 20:16

Loobylu, why do you think that this thread is not representative of how most mothers feel?

I never bother complaining about anything to the NHS, because I believe it it is pointless to try. You don't actually know how the mothers you interact with feel, nor are they likely to tell you.

I find the argument that it is the child that is there to be seen, not the parent, very silly. Shall I not turn up then? Would you like to attempt to make a diagnosis by asking a two year what their symptoms have been for the last week, while I just sit in the waiting room flicking through magazines?

In many cases, in order to make a diagnosis, the person who cares for the child needs to be there just as much as the doctor does. HCPs need to speak to the parent as well as the child; some of the posts on this thread make it seem as if the mother has just turned up like some attention seeking appendage who is getting in the way of the HCP treating the patient.

snapple · 23/08/2009 20:17

at the bad language being posted on this thread.

I do agree with the comment from aitch in that if I was addressed as mum by a hcp, especially after I had introduced myself and informed them politely how I would like to be addressed then ... if they got this fundamentally wrong then I would also expect to have to double-check their advice.

If they can't get your name right then why would you assume they would get your treatment / diagnosis correct?

What does it say about their professional standards?

loobylu3 · 23/08/2009 20:20

Aitch, I'm afraid that I disagree that 'doctor' is a term of respect. It is the person that I am in those circumstances, it is my title and my job. Madam or Sir would be a term of respect.
In another circumstance eg at school) my role is ' mum'. Actually, my daughter's teacher could never remember my name (as I don't use my married name) and on a couple of occasions, she said 'Mrs ...' and then look embarrassed and stopped. I felt sorry for her because she is lovely and a fantastic teacher- just v traditional.
The people replying here are not representative because they are going to tend to be drawn to threads that they have a strong opinion on. If it dosen't bother you too much to be called 'mum' or whatever, you are unlikely to find this discussion v interesting. These AIBU threads are great place for people for people looking to air their views so will attract people wanting to do just that.

loobylu3 · 23/08/2009 20:20

Aitch, I'm afraid that I disagree that 'doctor' is a term of respect. It is the person that I am in those circumstances, it is my title and my job. Madam or Sir would be a term of respect.
In another circumstance eg at school) my role is ' mum'. Actually, my daughter's teacher could never remember my name (as I don't use my married name) and on a couple of occasions, she said 'Mrs ...' and then look embarrassed and stopped. I felt sorry for her because she is lovely and a fantastic teacher- just v traditional.
The people replying here are not representative because they are going to tend to be drawn to threads that they have a strong opinion on. If it dosen't bother you too much to be called 'mum' or whatever, you are unlikely to find this discussion v interesting. These AIBU threads are great place for people for people looking to air their views so will attract people wanting to do just that.

cheshirekitty · 23/08/2009 20:21

Also, all hcp's are patients/relatives of patients too.

Why this big divide?

When I go into work I try and do my best for all my patients. I will see patients in my lunch half hour if that is the only time they can come, and see them after I have supposed to have gone off duty if that is the only time they can make it.

I am just a little sick and tired of being tarred with the bad hcp label on mumsnet.

MillyR · 23/08/2009 20:28

There is a big divide because if I am ill or my child is ill, the HCP is in a position of authority and either myself or my child are in a position of vulnerability.

The fact that the HCP may sometimes also be vulnerable in a position that I will not be present at is fairly irrelevant.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 23/08/2009 20:29

are you a bad hcp, cheshirekitty? who said such a thing?

i'm not throwing my dummy out of the pram at all, you are picking up (again) on something that is relevant to you but not to your patients. i think that's very interesting, tbh, this desire to see me wrong.

i, like most of your patients, use nurse to denote someone in the nursing profession, who wears a uniform and isn't a doctor or an auxiliary. it's not that exact, i grant you, but i really think that in even bringing it up you reveal a great deal about yourself and your priorities.

cheshirekitty · 23/08/2009 20:30

But surely it is hcp, patient and relative as a team to ensure the best outcome possible for the patient?

Ponders · 23/08/2009 20:34

When I was in hosp once there was a very elderly lady in the next bed who was catheterised, & at one point the liquid going into her bag was dark blue.

2 or 3 doctors came round & were discussing this & one of them mentioned something about a member of the royal family having this symptom but they couldn't remember who. I said "George III had it, it was porphyria" & they all gawped at me & scuttled away.

granted they were very young but still, it was like "OMG! patient with brain alert!"

cheshirekitty · 23/08/2009 20:34

You have a wonderful way with words, aitch. You are a journalist, I think you said.

loobylu3 · 23/08/2009 20:35

Milly, of course HCP's need to speak to the mother (or other representative). Have you ever been sent out of the room to flick through magazines?
I am also a mother (of three children) and I know how I feel when I am in my 'mum' role. Of course, I don't know how every other mum feels. I totally agree that calling the mother 'mum' is rude if she has asked to be called MrsX. However, I think some people are attributing the wrong motives to HCP's and tarring the whole profession with the same brush.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 23/08/2009 20:38

yuh-huh, CK, and?

we're not even remotely tarring an entire profession, looby. we're talking about a sub set of the profession, one that addresses us as 'mum' without pausing to enquire as to whether it will burst our brains or not.

edam · 23/08/2009 22:36

Calling someone 'doctor' is a mark of respect particularly as most of the people so addressed don't actually hold doctorates. (Actually, wasn't that another power grab by the medical profession?)

As it happens I quite like docs and nurses by and large, although there are some fuckwits just as in any other walk of life.

But good grief, the attitude on this thread from some of them! 'Ooh, this thread is not representative' FFS. Yeah, right, because you've done extensive attitudinal research...

WHY is it so hard for (some) HCPs to get it into their heads that when we say we are pissed off, we do actually know what we are talking about? And then they have the front to claim not to be patronising us...