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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that health professionals should not call me MUM

843 replies

Reallytired · 21/08/2009 19:34

DD had her jabs today and the nurse kept on calling me "Mum" even though I said to her that I did not want her to call me "Mum". I told her that it was a biological impossiblity that I was her mother.

I have two children and I am happy for me to call me Mum, but I do have a proper name and I think health professionals should use it.

OP posts:
cheshirekitty · 23/08/2009 16:15

Sounds like my mil.

cheshirekitty · 23/08/2009 16:16

The crabbit, I mean.

snapple · 23/08/2009 16:21

glad you cleared that up chesirekitty - I was wondering what would be the better of the two, a mil more like a baboon or a crabbit?

screamingabdab · 23/08/2009 16:46

Aitch in all your years of AIBU, can you remember many occasions when anyone said "Erk, you have made me think" .......

edam · 23/08/2009 17:01

Now, that really did make me stop and think...

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 23/08/2009 17:02

yes, i really have, plenty of times, sp. plus as hcps they're supposed to listen to their patients, and yet here we all are being told we're foolish.

crabbit means bad-tempered, which i am not, i'm in a great mood. but i didn't call anyone thick, so sm i am getting pretty tired of you mis-representing me tbh. i said the poster was either thick or hadn't read all the thread. what other explanation could there be for her having missed the point of the thread so spectacularly?

scottishmummy · 23/08/2009 17:08

aitch you said Thick to someone twice
1 AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis on Sat 22-Aug-09 20:10:49
you're either very thick, sawyer, or you haven't read the thread.

2 AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis on Sat 22-Aug-09 20:15:07
lol, sm. so glad that you're here to keep me right on matters of etiquette.

she is either thick or she hasn't read the thread. i don't know which.

go misrepresent that

you said it

screamingabdab · 23/08/2009 17:11

Aitch, just making a more general point about the entrenched positions people get into on AIBU, not this thread in particular .

Actually, I haven't read all of it ...

scottishmummy · 23/08/2009 17:12

yea and part of the elaboration was calling someone thick twice

now trot off and read the threasd

smallwhitecat · 23/08/2009 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/08/2009 17:44

had she read the thread though?

littlenamelessunrememberedacts · 23/08/2009 18:01

I salute you Aitch

and Milly's post earlier was excellent

I really, really object to this kind of deliberate crass belittling of patients

what did you call it, a "power grab"? Exactly!!

the worst form of it IMO is when one HCP says/writes to another "XXX discussed with Mum" or "Mum very concerned about XXX, reassurance given"

rude, insidious, unprofessional bastards

STOP DOING IT

loobylu3 · 23/08/2009 18:04

I may be a bit late now adding to this thread as I see it has gone on and on.
As a HCP, I am interested to see that some people clearly find it patronising and rude to be addressed as 'mum'. (I actually don't call people mum unless addressing the child). However, I really don't think this thread is representative of the population of mums who attend to see HCP's in general. These AIBU threads tend to attract people who want to voice strong points of view and perhaps those who like to complain a little!
If I said to a patient's mum/ guardian 'hello, I'm DrX and you are....' (as suggested my scottish mummy) I honestly think some of them may be a bit taken aback and say "I'm Charlie's mum' or something similar. I think some are happy to be called mum and some aren't. Personally, I would rather be referred to as 'mum' under these circumstances than "DrX, as it just seems too formal.
It's still an interesting discussion because it has made me think about it.

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 23/08/2009 18:15

people should ask Looby. Some of us have children who are in hospital a lot and get tired with having our identities taken away and being treated like children. I know more about my dd's condition that the average F2. Certainly more than a GP, and, as I disoceoeverd last week, more than the registrar who breezed by on the ward round who had never heard of her condition (but that didn't stop him trying to lecture me, call me mum or ask me if I'd been googling when I asked about a particular brain surgery technique.)

SarfEasticated · 23/08/2009 18:18

At my baby clinic where we all turn up red books in hand the nice lady who makes sure that we all get our babies weighed in an organised fashion calls all of us 'mum'. She is always rushing around and doesn't have the books to hand so I don't mind, it's a group thing and she is very nice. I wouldn't like someone calling me mum as a default, especially if I asked them not to.

At nursery i am always called R's mum, I want them to call me by my first name, but they never do. I know when I arrive they would call me R's mum because everyone know's who I am, but when they talk to me directly 'man to man' I would like to be called by my name.

smallwhitecat · 23/08/2009 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

edam · 23/08/2009 18:46

yyy I third the objection to HCP's talking about 'Mum very concerned'. Appalling and definitely patronising - as they are writing to each other they know damn well what your actual name is.

I'm doing a project with a bunch of docs and assorted HCPs week after next, am making a mental note to ask them about this.

scottishmummy · 23/08/2009 18:53

but sometimes mum and child have different surnames so writing MrsBrown is very worried in ChildRed notes might not make sense to the next reader

his/her mum is worried,seems legitimate to me

smallwhitecat · 23/08/2009 19:00

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Lovesdogsandcats · 23/08/2009 19:01

YOU (mum) are not the patient, your child is, so why does it matter what they call you!!!

Does not bother me at all, as last person said, saves name confusion at very least.

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 23/08/2009 19:03

because they have to dicuss treatm,ent and prognosis with you and you are the expert on your child and should be treated as such.

edam · 23/08/2009 19:05

his or her mum is fine (although personally I'd prefer mother but hey ho) it's 'Mum' as in, Mum's very concerned that is wrong. Bad grammar and patronising, even if the writer hasn't actually realised what they are doing.

smallwhitecat · 23/08/2009 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

loobylu3 · 23/08/2009 19:13

Rivened, of course a situation where the HCP is regularly seeing the mum (or dad) with a chronically ill child in hospital is completely different to a one off meeting with a GP or registrar (which is actually a much more common type of consulatation). If the Dr sees the parent on a regular basis, I totally agree that it is v rude not to address you by your name- just laziness. I'm afraid there are some people who are just rude in every walk of life!!
However, in the other situation, where the GP has never met the child or mum and the illness is minor, it seems less important to ask her what she would like to be called. The patient is the child and my concern is more to find out the person's relationship to the child (parent/ guardian/ granny/ nanny occasionally too). The need to check the mother's title/ first name, etc dosen't usually arise. As I said before, if I asked who the presumed mother was (under these circumstances) I think a lot would reply that they were X's mother rather than saying "I'm MrsX' or whatever.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 23/08/2009 19:14

sm you're fixated on me. it is trying, to say the least. and you're wrong wrt the thick. either thick or hasn't read the thread, both times. and you were the one who required it to be repeated. four times now, i think. i try very hard not to get pissed off with the way that you make everything personal between me and you, on every thread we appear on. let's just disagree without the digs, okay?

am fascinated by loubylu as well, another hcp who won't believe the evidence in front of her own eyes. if you think some don't like it and some do, why do it at all? why not just either read the notes, ask the person their name or call them 'you' if you're addressing them directly?