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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that health professionals should not call me MUM

843 replies

Reallytired · 21/08/2009 19:34

DD had her jabs today and the nurse kept on calling me "Mum" even though I said to her that I did not want her to call me "Mum". I told her that it was a biological impossiblity that I was her mother.

I have two children and I am happy for me to call me Mum, but I do have a proper name and I think health professionals should use it.

OP posts:
snapple · 23/08/2009 13:46

scottishmummy you should have done a name change and then said that you love it!

Now we won't be able to trust any recent poster claiming they prefer being referred to as mummy by their hcp, rather than their usual name!

PitysSake · 23/08/2009 13:47

whats the diff with you and A muminscotland
are oyu the same?

scottishmummy · 23/08/2009 13:47

maybe you didn't hear me over the crescendo of indignation

scottishmummy · 23/08/2009 13:49

dont know how to name change

scottishmummy · 23/08/2009 13:50

similar names - no biggie.such a fine nom de plume inevitable someone else chose similar

snapple · 23/08/2009 13:52

no no no - I'm not a scottishmummy and I can't fathom being a hcp who can't be bothered reading notes, or even attempting to address parents or patients as they want to be addressed.

gasman · 23/08/2009 13:53

OK a few points.
I agree that it is rude and personally always try to go down the "Childs name's Mummy" or "your Mummy" or no name at all route. I would love it if parents would introduce themselves to me when I introduced myself to them. I can't promise to remember but I would have a better chance than when their name is recorded on teh 7th line from the bottom on page 6out of 13 in the nursing notes.

Names are a minefield now - 2 married parents sharing a surname seems to me to be extrememly unusual therefore I will talk to you about your partner unless you correct me. This seems to cause less offence.

Because I can't assume you are married I can't default to Mrs Childs Surname as most fo the time the mother sitting in front of you isn't Mrs Child Surname but "mS her own name 'cos I never changed it", or "Mrs I'm now married to someone else".

Basically I can see why you get pissed off but I hope you can also see why it happens.

My advice. The next time the HCP says "Hi I'm Dr Gas Man" or "Nurse Jo". You say "Hi, I'm X's Mum, Really Tired".

snapple · 23/08/2009 13:54

Hi gasman - actually I always introduce myself to my hcp and ask their name, so I have not had any problems.

However the op did obviously request not to be called mum but still was.

PitysSake · 23/08/2009 13:54

i do
i say " hi I am Waynetta" as we go in
blardy farkers never listen

Imagne if teachers called you "mum" AT parents evening where you might see ovre 100 parents a night

scottishmummy · 23/08/2009 14:05

i introduce myself forename surname and ask how the person would like to be addressed

hello i am sm,and you are...........pause they tell you.........you use it

if op was still called mum despite asserting a preference yes i agree that is annoying

but this conspiracy flavour. oh dem staff always looking for ways to subjugate and assert authority over the hoi polloi...well it is risible

MillyR · 23/08/2009 14:10

Gasman, if you can't avoid addressing someone as 'Mum' because of the minefield of people's names, how do you avoid addressing someone as 'Wife/Partner' when a woman's husband is being treated?

snapple · 23/08/2009 14:29

Where is the conspiracy - a simple request to be addressed correctly by a hcp ??

The research on elderspeak makes it clear that how you address people has important consequences.

debs40 · 23/08/2009 14:41

I can understand why, in the spur of the moment, searching for the person's name, a HCP might address someone as mum, but not after they had asked them not to.

My son's reception teacher always referred to me as 'mum' as he did everyone else (or the other mums anyway). He did it in this patronising voice which tended to make me feel that he was undermining everything I was saying and he treated us all as if we were just 'silly little women'.

gasman · 23/08/2009 14:45

MillyR

I don't call people Mum. I call them "your Mummy" or avoid using a name at all.

Personally I very rarely see anyone's wife/husband along with them and if I do I tend to not call them anything - the person who is the patient is my patient and is the competent adult with whom I need to have a discussion.

cheshirekitty · 23/08/2009 15:25

Gasman, your first posting was obvious that you do not call people mum.

Do not understand why milly r did not read your post properly.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 23/08/2009 15:35

i was bolding because you've clearly had such difficulty understanding my posts in the past. anyhoo, was that an apology there, for mis-reading my post again? i'll take it as one.

is anyone saying it's a conspiracy, by the way? apart from you?

isn't it the case that it's just 'the way things are done' without much thought behind it for a lot of people, and that it represents a very clear delineation of status from the outset? and don't you find it interesting the way that of the the hcps who do it on here, not one has said 'erk, this has really made me think.'

MillyR · 23/08/2009 15:38

I should perhaps have written 'one' instead of 'you.' I was asking because Gasman was using her own experiences of the name minefield and then wrote that she hoped the OP could see how it (the mum thing) happened. So I believed she was using her own experiences to explain why some HCPs got into the mum thing.

Apologies to Gasman for making it seem to be about her personally.

scottishmummy · 23/08/2009 15:48

atich you are crabbit and have a bad habit of coming across patronising

nope no apologies from me,as none required

did you apologise for calling the other poster "thick"?

or is it ok for you to do that- But you seek redress from everyone else about everything else

snapple · 23/08/2009 15:56

can you explain what a crabbit is as i have never heard that term used before? is it meant to be a crabby rabbit?

cheshirekitty · 23/08/2009 15:59

Keep it clean ladies!!!

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 23/08/2009 16:00

so how come teachers manage without 'mum' and can use names but HCP can't?

scottishmummy · 23/08/2009 16:04

i think we have established not all hcp say this.

just as teachers are not a homogeneous mass, nor are hcp

and as op had asserted a preference for how she wished to be addressed,this should have been taken into account

cheshirekitty · 23/08/2009 16:08

Not all hcp's say 'mum'. I have never used the term to a childs mother in all of my working life (28 years) as a hcp, so please do not lump us all into one mass.

snapple · 23/08/2009 16:11

Apparently a crabbit is a furry crustacean characterized by fluffy long ears and menacing-looking pincers.

Jujubean77 · 23/08/2009 16:15

Most of the time my DD is really ill when she is seen by HP and that is what my concern is, not how they refer to me. They can call me a baboon, if they are caring for her and administering treatment well.