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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that health professionals should not call me MUM

843 replies

Reallytired · 21/08/2009 19:34

DD had her jabs today and the nurse kept on calling me "Mum" even though I said to her that I did not want her to call me "Mum". I told her that it was a biological impossiblity that I was her mother.

I have two children and I am happy for me to call me Mum, but I do have a proper name and I think health professionals should use it.

OP posts:
AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 22/08/2009 20:36

yes yes, have you not seen them sm? they're brilliant. and i'm a big fan of the limmy podcasts too. i recommend the x factor one, if you're on youtube.

HerBeatitude · 22/08/2009 20:36

You might not agree Sawyer, but do you understand that good manners dictates that it is not up to you what you call someone, but up to them?

I know someone who insists on being called Chris as she hates her name Christiana. I think Christiana is much prettier than Chris, but I'm not so ill-mannered as to impose my preference on her. I call her what she wants to be called, is that not normal?

scottishmummy · 22/08/2009 20:36

pure isa the perfect prefix for emphasis pure mad mental an aw'rat

chegirl · 22/08/2009 20:36

I am not in the 'power trip' camp as it goes. It can be used in that way but that is not why I am objecting. I object because it is over familiar and inappropriate. Its ok for my kids to call me mum but not anyone else.

It is difficult. I work with families. Its tempting to use mum when you are unsure of someone's name. Far better to ask or admit you are not sure. Perhaps if I had not spent so long on the other side I would be merrily using mum to all my families.

But I have so I dont.

scottishmummy · 22/08/2009 20:37

i like all the chwein the fat stuff on u tube,must look for stuff u both recommend. ta

Sawyer64 · 22/08/2009 20:38

I think you are all being small-minded.

The BMA is for Doctors and we all know how great there approach is in alot of cases.

I'm a Nurse, NOT a doctor.If my patients were so offended by this "term" then I'm sure I would be told at least once.But most of the time,my patients "prefer" my approach to thet of colleagues who are more "officious".

I'm not "closed-minded" on this in the slightest.I am aware of how "strongly" you feel.I just don't happen to agree,based on my patients,and their comments to me.

I am also not thick,now who's being condescending just because I'm stating my opinion.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 22/08/2009 20:39

i think the power grab thing is very interesting, i don't really think people do that consciously. it's like nodding to the person to take the shite seat. just a weeeeee thing but it all adds up.

independiente · 22/08/2009 20:41

To the OP: if someone who I was doing my best for, turned such sarcasm on me (I told her it was a biological impossibility...), I'd have kept calling them Mum too!
How can people get worked up about such minor stuff?

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 22/08/2009 20:42

what's your role, independiente?

cheshirekitty · 22/08/2009 20:42

You do realise Aitch that the BMA is the Bri tish Medical Association? Has nothing do do with nursing.

FWIW, I totally agree with the OP. It is disrespectful to call a parent MUM instead of using her (or his, if it is a dad) name.

Oh, and as a hcp, I take objection to being accused of not reading or writing (smallwhitecat). Chased any good ambulances lately swc?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2009 20:42

I think the power trip thing is overused though, I honestly believe most people are doing their jobs as best they can, I am accused of being on a power trip often, as I am having to impose crappy practice rules on people, and it's just SO far from the truth.

But I do think that if everyone on here is expressing an objection then their feelings should be taken into account.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2009 20:43

cheshirekitty - miaaouw...!!!!

Phoenix4725 · 22/08/2009 20:44

ds is still ill am mumsnetting via phone net but have to say the surgeon who saved ds life can call me anything he fecking wants and would answer s

HerBeatitude · 22/08/2009 20:44

Really independiente? You'd continue to be rude to someone in a professional situation would you?

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 22/08/2009 20:44

oh yes, i realise that. and i think it's patently ridiculous to propose that something that has a recognisably negative effect should be desisted by doctors but not nurses, so if i was a nurse i'd be interested in what they're telling people.

do you do it, cheshirekitty?

chegirl · 22/08/2009 20:45

Twasnt me who called you thick though.

People dont tend to tell HCPs that they are not happy with their tone or the terms they use. They have too much else on their minds when they are in hospital and when they get home they want to forget the whole thing.

If you asked your patients they would probably mumble something about not minding really. If you asked for anon opinions you may well get a suprise.

We are patients and patient's parents and we are telling you we do not like it. Do you really think we are so different from your patients? I am assuming they are parents?

I got to know loads of parents whilst DD was ill. We used to talk about this sort of thing in the kitchen on the ward. We DO NOT like it.

HerBeatitude · 22/08/2009 20:46

Do people think that patients who see doctors and patients who see nurses are completely different groups of people?

Only I suspect that they're the same bunch.

scottishmummy · 22/08/2009 20:46

fuck me this is an irascible thread.hilarious too

what is your role/status
how very dare you call me a Dr- you know what they are like
gosh chased any ambulances lately
someone had audacity to call me mum i pure near fainted.how very dare they

keep it coming

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2009 20:48
Sawyer64 · 22/08/2009 20:48

Anyway I find all this a little ridiculous.

I only posted to add the alternative thinking on the subject,and to defend the nurses that use this term,that although you see it that way,it isn't meant that way.

I have read the thread,and there are a few people who aren't bothered or "threatened" by this term.

Each to their own as I said.I'm not trying to persuade you to feel otherwise, I couldn't.
My patients are happy with this,those that aren't, could and would tell me.I would then apologise and call them by their Surname.

Most of my patients like to call me by my first name,I don't think they'd do that if they felt I was condescending or patronising.

independiente · 22/08/2009 20:48

No, I was being a little flippant (Saturday night 'n all).

Seriously though, I just genuinely don't see the problem with being called 'mum' in that situation. So we'll have to agree to disagree.

HerBeatitude · 22/08/2009 20:49

How do you know your patients or their parents would tell you they find your mode of address offensive Sawyer?

Has your practice/ clinic/ wherever you work conducted an anonymous survey?

Because on the whole, that's the only way you get honest answers.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2009 20:50

I have to agree with HerBeatitude, if I was seeing a doctor or nurse and they called me Mrs C*face, I STILL wouldn't speak up about it.

cheshirekitty · 22/08/2009 20:50

Aitch - no, I trained in the old school. I will also call someone Mr or Mrs or Miss and wait for them to say call me (first name) etc if they want me to call them by their first name.

I always introduce myself by my first name, but leave it up to them as to what to call me. (Most forget my name, they are nervous etc, and the last thing they need is to remember a new name).

I did not say what the BMA had said was wrong, I just pointed out they had nothing to do with nursing.

scottishmummy · 22/08/2009 20:51

no no don't agree to disagree much funnier all the argy bargy

this is AIBU

not a therapeutic community or healing group. More squabbling please